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People say you would know


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...if you were gay. They say you would just know. Well these groinals are happening all the time when I see a guys butt or chest or even see a guy walking down the street. From 2009 I labelled them groinals but they never happen with seeing girls. Im convinced its actually arousal and I had been wrongly relabelling it as an ocd symptom. I am 100% calm and not freaking out now. But I dislike when they happen and keep living a straight life. But I am increasingly feeling like a fraud. I have a lovely girlfriend and we get on well but I am concerned I am deliberately misleading her and that I am really gay.

Again I am calm but thinking. When I get a groinal/arousal I feel what feels like a sexual urge down there and lately it is growing into a bit of a quarter-semi erection.

It happens almost subconsciously too. I get groinals from images, thoughts or words that trigger it. e.g. chest, boy,

Anyway I am concerned that what I am experiencing is 'knowing youre gay' and then denying it beause the groinals are so obvious and frequent.

Edited by Eric Dave
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It's difficult, I know, but this is only going to get worse unless you stop engaging with it. There isn't a way to be absolutely certain about anything, really. We have to recognize that we will have doubts, and then we have to live with them, regardless of how urgent they seem. You can do it, Eric.

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Guest Heryn.

Piper and Caramoole are right.

Whether for you and your sexuality fears or me and my health fears - neither of us (none of us) can have utter certainty and this is the hideous nub of OCD.

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Well should I break up wth my girlfriend?

That's something only you can answer, based on your feelings and your relationship and assessing the general positives v negatives. Only you can make that decision....relationships and marriage are based on far, far more than sex as is general existence.

You've got to do some serious soul searching Eric

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There have been many threads on sexual orientation OCD on this forum and one thing that is common is unwanted arousal. And one thing that has been certain is the view of the forum collective that its a feature common in this type of OCD and best dealt with in the usual way by choosing to disregard it - however difficult - and that engaging witb and belisvkng the unwanted arousal gives it power as does all the research and compulsing which you constantly do.

You don't want to be gay and you have a nice girlfriend. Why is your position different to the others with sexual orientation OCD?

The answer is they believe us and however difficult are ploughing the furrow towards a recovery.

I said before that since to me you have OCD I can't see that if you suddenly went for a gay life the disorder would then leave you be; I don't see you as "in denial" and the thousands of words you have expended on our OCD forum support that.

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Eric

Those that are tackling this problem thetapeutically seem to be:

Accepting a high probability that it is all an OCD falsehood and understanding it can produce false intense arousals and urges.

Not carrying out constant - pointless - research analysis and ruminating but rather not responding to the thoughts images and urges - noting they are all false and weakening their power by assuming indifference and applying refocus.

Accepting that it will take strong will to ignore such powerful feelings but that is what is needed and takes time.

You could be doing this instead of all the testing googling and analysing. I think it might be a sensible approach don't you as you havr read do many other threads?

Edited by taurean
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Guest anatta

Men can even get full erections from fear alone, and this is what you're experiencing. Even if you're not aware of feeling anxious anymore, your brain is now conditioned to react with a rapid spike of adrenaline to things that have been triggering the fear, and you think about your groin automatically, becoming aware of the effects of that adrenaline.

It's obvious that this is what's happening because nobody gets sexual arousal from words like 'boy'. That can only be conditioned fear arousal.

I don't intend this as reassurance Eric but to fill in an important gap in your knowledge of the process, because if you don't know how it works then it's quite reasonable that you would misinterpret what is happening to your body. If you already know these things, then it is unreasonable to keep misinterpreting them.

Edited by anatta
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Thanks guys.

But are these groinals how guys discover they are gay? I saw a guy in a vest with good biceps and got a groinal/arousal feeling. Is this my body's way of telling me I'm gay? They dont happen for women.

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Guest legend

Eric the guy, at his funeral spent his whole life trying to distinguish whether he was gay or not, 60 years of it

In 30 years time, that will be your mantra

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Eric the guy, at his funeral spent his whole life trying to distinguish whether he was gay or not, 60 years of it

In 30 years time, that will be your mantra

Maybe I am experiencing arousal to men and know that its because Im gay and just not accepting it.

If I saw boobs on tv or something sexy I used to get turned on. My reactions have slowly but surely disappeared for girls. Now I see boobs or a naked girl on tv and I am bored and I dont even get any sensation down there or movement whatsoever.

In contrast I am getting reactions 99% of the time to men. Even the smallest thing will trigger it.

How the hell can I not believe my own body and accept your word that its ocd?? Surely I would get aroused by girls if I was straight?

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Guest legend

never tried never changed

balls in your court

not simple , but a choice

remember that mantra at your funeral .ill read it it out for you if you want , send me your email ill be happy to do so

eric , never tried never changed , had ocd all his life , but wasted it , needlessly

Edited by legend
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I am actually quite happy in my life. The groinals when they happen make me feel bad though. I can be perfectly happy, having a good day then I get a groinal. sometimes they freak me out. In the last month or so they happen and cause no anxiety.

They are a permanent part of my life now. I just accept them and feel bad then recover. I am so used to them now. Maybe Im accepting Im gay. Shouldnt I be scared?

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Guest anatta

I just accept them and feel bad then recover. I am so used to them now.

That's good, that's exactly what you should be doing and that reduction in anxiety is due to you accepting them and letting yourself feel bad until the fear fades on its own. All that's happening now is you are getting some compulsions to question what this successful anxiety reduction means. That's quite normal. Just resist a bit longer and the last residual anxiety that is driving these compulsions too, will die down. Accept this doubt just as you have accepted all the others. Let the fear be there again.
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I just had a groinal/arousal to a 18 year old guy on tv who was in some dumb american pie type movie. He was topless and I couldnt help my groin from feeling some arousal.

I am not even anxious. I am calm but dont like that this happened.

If these happened for girls aswell I could maybe feel not so bad about it but its only guys. When I see boobs or anything my groin doesnt respond even 1%!!!

So how can this be ocd and not a gay crisis??

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Guest itsnotmeitsmyocd

It's difficult, I know, but this is only going to get worse unless you stop engaging with it. There isn't a way to be absolutely certain about anything, really. We have to recognize that we will have doubts, and then we have to live with them, regardless of how urgent they seem. You can do it, Eric.

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I am a fraud. Theres no way I am not gay. This ocd thing is a front to hide behind and not accepting myself. I am getting adrenaline rushes seeing guys and feel aroused. I am being honest when I say its probably over 10 years since I got a reaction like that to a woman.

I have read in the past that gay guys who are confused start to lose any attraction they had to women once they realsie they are gay.

When this started in 2007 I assumed I was gay for 3 moths but then my mother convinced me it was hocd and so I had some hope but its obvious as day now that I am gay.

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