Jump to content

Suicide, ocd, pocd


Recommended Posts

Ive never been more serious and more focused before until now, on wanting to commit suicide.

I want to rest, to just lay in my casket. I tried going to the doctors and telling him but over here if you have no money for help, you cant get it. There are cheaper psychologists here but the lists are as long as a year..

I can not do this anymore, I have tried and tried and all I want to do is take an overdose and end all of this. why does it even matter when all I do is sleep anyways? There is no difference.

After reading u are a pedophile just on that u have sexual fantasies/thoughts I can not let it go and I feel unworthy of living or having anyone in my life.

I realized I must be a pedophile because,

I while back I worried I was a hebephile, I got some sexual

intrusive thoughts, it popped up during sex but I always shoved it away.

The sexual thoughts never turned me on.

But one day I realized when it popped up during masturbation that it turned me on as I kept it there for abit, but then shoved it away feeling guilty.Then I found out I like the fantasy of having sex with 16 + virgins.My fear was true.

The same thing is happening to me with fear of being a pedophile. I get some sexual intrusive thoughts, it pops up during sex but I always shove it away. The sexual thoughts do not turn me on.

It is practically the same as my worry of hebephile, and that worry was true.. and I still dont really masterbate to the fantasy of teens as I feel guilty not knowing how old the guy is in my fantasy, but I know it turns me on. I feared it, it came true. I fear pedophilia, same pattern...

I can not accept, I can not live knowing I am not attracted to kids, but I am a pedophile because I might like fantasies of kids but shove it away because of guilt. There is no way out of this, I tried for months just to say its OCD, but I always find proof that it isnt ocd.

There is no exit, no ending....maybe my end is the pills? This is not a plea of help. This is maybe a goodbye.


Link to comment
  • Replies 153
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Guest Rogue28

I think you are testing and checking yourself and then ruminating on the thought when it came into your mind and it got worse because of what you were doing at the time.

If you are not actively googling for illegal porn or anything similar then you must try to reassure yourself that you are ok. It isn't as easy as that but you must try some affirmations to help. Also as you are acknowledging it is a problem and saying you hate it, it doesn't seem a genuine problem.

Link to comment
Guest Sally44

If you are having suicidal thoughts you need to go back to your GP. You also sound depressed. And your post is typical of someone with OCD. These are all mental illnesses that medication and therapy can help with. Does anyone else in your family have mental health problems?

Link to comment

The definition of a pedophile is NOT just someone with sexual thoughts about children. Sorry, you were not told the truth on whatever website you visited. Unfortunately there is a lot of bad information out there and you fell for it.

Everything about you screams OCD. One of your problems is you run around trying to prove you are a pedophile, while you should be working toward overcoming the disorder you do have, OCD.

Link to comment

DSM-5, I have told you this before. it states that if you have sexual thoughts fantasies u like, then u are pedo...

Ofc I am depressed and I lost the battle to OCD. My doctor doesnt do **** for me and there is no help to get unless i try to comitt suicide or vut myself aka harm myself...

Link to comment

Ive never been more serious and more focused before until now, on wanting to commit suicide.

There is no exit, no ending....maybe my end is the pills? This is not a plea of help. This is maybe a goodbye.

You're worrying me saying things like this, suicide is never an option ocdismylife........we all know the despair that can come with living with OCD, but you can and will get through this, honestly.

So many people have been in the same place you're in at the moment but come through it and now living their life to the full....if the suicidal thoughts are growing stronger, you must talk to one of your family or a friend or go down to your local A&E to help you though this.

Will you do that for us?

Link to comment
You don't experience sexual fantasies. You experience intrusive thoughts that you then ruminate over and attach undue meaning to.

That's not strictly speaking true. You can experience whatever sexual fantasies you want. A fantasy is just that, it's not illegal, it's not wicked, it's not harmful. Fantasy and reality are absolutely poles apart.

You can experience whatever fantasy you want......but as an OCD sufferer, we sometimes worry about having the thoughts, start to check them out, ruminate, seek reassurance.....that's when it becomes a problem. OCD/anxiety sufferers become very selective, very narrow minded in the information they take on board and accept as "Real and Valid" They take on board the negative, the extreme.......they ignore the confirmation that there isn't really a problem. Why? because a negative response provokes fear and fear is much more likely to make you sit up and take notice, it holds far more power.

Ask someone with no understanding of OCD, of the human mind and it's likely you'll get a bigoted, narrow minded and un-educated response. Why on earth would you take that on board? Would you ask a 5 year old to explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? Would you call in the milkman to install your gas central heating system?

No, you wouldn't. So STOP taking this un-educated, knee-jerk reaction information on board as a fact.

You have OCD which magnifies and inflates the most common of things.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! I could shake you and hug you at the same time :hug:

There isn't a problem here, take it from an old bird who's been around the block far more times than you. I know how much it hurts....but your real (and only problem) here is OCD. Trust me.

Stop being "ocdismylife" it is "In your life for the moment" but with a shift in thinking and response you can become "ocdwasonceinmylife"

It's tough and it's scary but you can gain control. Stop believing the negative, uneducated response. It doesn't make it true

Caramoole

Link to comment
I meant that I don't believe that she is fantasizing about such things

Who knows.....she may well be. But it's important to remember that fantasies aren't a problem. They are fantasy, imaginary, unharmful. The intrusive thoughts are the worries about the fantasies. It's okay to have a fantasy. Fantasy isn't a problem.

I'm starting to think that I can't say anything right

Try not to worry. You're trying to help.....but there will always be different view points. Between us we can all help :)

Link to comment

DSM-5, I have told you this before. it states that if you have sexual thoughts fantasies u like, then u are pedo...

Ofc I am depressed and I lost the battle to OCD. My doctor doesnt do **** for me and there is no help to get unless i try to comitt suicide or vut myself aka harm myself...

Send me a link. I don't believe you.

Link to comment
Guest HeadAboveWater

Then what constitutes someone as a pedophile, Caramoole? I am in no way saying that Ocdismylife is a pedo, however, to my understanding from my psychiatrist, a person is a pedophile if they are actively bringing up sexual images and fantasies of children, that they get off to. Pedophilia is not just acting on thoughts, it is a sexual orientation.

Edited by HeadAboveWater
Link to comment

Then what constitutes someone as a pedophile, Caramoole? I am in no way saying that Ocdismylife is a pedo, however, to my understanding from my psychiatrist, a person is a pedophile if they are actively bringing up sexual images and fantasies of children, that they get off to. Pedophilia is not just acting on thoughts, it is a sexual orientation.

The current criteria to be diagnosed with pedophilia is as follows; “over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children (generally age 13 years or younger)”, “the person has acted on these sexual urges, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty”

yes it is a sexual orientation. It says just having sexual thoughts and fantasies you are a pedophile.

I do not have sexual fantasies about kids,however they pop up during materbation and sex and I feel it turns me on.So same thing.

I did not do anything last night,I called my family for support as I was going to do something bad.The support and words here are very appriated. Its frustrating that I cant recieve help and I am not living life..

of course you can fantasize about whatevee youvwant it does not harm a soul,but if its about kids you are a pedophile.

i also mentioned in my post how i compare my two worries and how they both have the same pattern and one of them was true. So pedo fear has to be true too.

like i said,I get sexual intrusive thoughts.I get pictures popping up during sex and i do shove them away or ignore them. However it feels it turns me on. Just cuz their intrusive and just cuz they pop up doesnt mean you can not be turned on by them

Link to comment

There are loads of links...

Like i said i dont have fantasies but they pop up and i shove them away or ignore.

Just like i said about the fear of liking 15 y olds,i didnt have fantasies,they poped up during sex but i shoved them away or ignored it. But then eventually I found out the fantasy did turn me on but I was scared to fantasize about it

Link to comment

Pedophilia is termed pedophilic disorder in theDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), and the manual defines it as a paraphilia in which adults or adolescents 16 years of age or older have intense and recurrent sexual urges towards and fantasiesabout prepubescent children that they have either acted on or which cause them distress or interpersonal difficulty.[1

Link to comment

There are loads of links...

Like i said i dont have fantasies but they pop up and i shove them away or ignore.

Just like i said about the fear of liking 15 y olds,i didnt have fantasies,they poped up during sex but i shoved them away or ignored it. But then eventually I found out the fantasy did turn me on but I was scared to fantasize about it

I am so scared.u guys see the pattern?? I am scsred I will do something bad to myself and I wont be able to stop :( I cant live with this

Link to comment

But it doesn't sound like you enjoy these thoughts at all. They are ego dystonic. These don't sound like fantasies. They are meaningless intrusive thoughts that pop up, that you attach meaning to because you have ocd. I used to have the intrusive worries about teenage girls. That theme does not bother me anymore. I still have ocd And probably always will. I just have other themes and intrusive thoughts about other (non sexual) topics.

I agree with how bambi put it actually. Read this journal article by the uk's leading ocd expert: it is very clear about what is ocd and what isn't: http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/15/5/332

In the last few days, there have been some confusing threads on this board where people are posting some info that is likely to spike people in my opinion. If you are fantasising about prepubescent children then you may be a paedophile. However, you are not. You are having random unwanted thoughts popping into your head. It is normal for them to appear during sex, because this a time that ocd attacks if you have this theme.

Everything you say screams ocd to me. Please try to give yourself a break.

Link to comment
Guest HeadAboveWater

I suffer from POCD, too, and I have never fantasied about kids. It totally disturbs me to think of even doing so. I get intrusive thoughts and sometimes ruminate or play scenarios in my head to see if I like/am attracted to these things. Trust me, I know how convincing OCD is. However, I trust that my psychiatrist and others know more than I about this and I have only ever been diagnosed with OCD.

You have OCD. We have OCD. It is extreme. It is convincing. But it is not pedophilia.

Link to comment

But it doesn't sound like you enjoy these thoughts at all. They are ego dystonic. These don't sound like fantasies. They are meaningless intrusive thoughts that pop up, that you attach meaning to because you have ocd. I used to have the intrusive worries about teenage girls. That theme does not bother me anymore. I still have ocd And probably always will. I just have other themes and intrusive thoughts about other (non sexual) topics.

I agree with how bambi put it actually. Read this journal article by the uk's leading ocd expert: it is very clear about what is ocd and what isn't: http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/15/5/332

In the last few days, there have been some confusing threads on this board where people are posting some info that is likely to spike people in my opinion. If you are fantasising about prepubescent children then you may be a paedophile. However, you are not. You are having random unwanted thoughts popping into your head. It is normal for them to appear during sex, because this a time that ocd attacks if you have this theme.

Everything you say screams ocd to me. Please try to give yourself a break.

Thanks for replying i get ur view. I do,however many people get turned on by things they are disgusted over etc.

I was ashamed and disgusted when i realized I got turned on by the fantasy of having sex with an inexperiance teen...but ive accepted it. And I had ocd over it,same fears and feelings as pocd....and it was true in the end

Link to comment

Whatever I say will not reassure you as reassurance doesn't work. However ocd can be clever and make you doubt things. It is faulty wiring in the brain. Until you recognise it for what it is, you cannot defeat it. The whole point of ocd is that it is uncomfortable and makes you worry about painful things.

I used to think worry I was gay and convinced that I must have some level of attraction. However I look back on it now and it just seems ridiculous.

It is clear from the outside that you gave ocd and are not a paedophile. Fantasies are supposed to be enjoyable. However, you are not enjoying them. Otherwise you wouldn't feel so bad about them. That is the key thing about ocd obsessions: they are ego dystonic -- against the ego and distressing.

Also fantasies are not things that just pop into your head. They are things you seek out and enjoy. You are clearly not romanticising and enjoying this.

You are showing clear signs of ocd:

-- rumination

-- checking and seeking reassurance

-- previous obsessions on other topics

Nothing you say worries me at all. I would be fine to leave you with young relatives of mine and would have no concerns. I know you feel horrible and feel for you but this will pass. Try to get more help from nhs.

You will want to argue with this post and seek more reassurance and check more. Because that is what ocd does. Another sign the problem is ocd and not anything else.

Link to comment
Guest HeadAboveWater

Whatever I say will not reassure you as reassurance doesn't work. However ocd can be clever and make you doubt things. It is faulty wiring in the brain. Until you recognise it for what it is, you cannot defeat it. The whole point of ocd is that it is uncomfortable and makes you worry about painful things.

I used to think worry I was gay and convinced that I must have some level of attraction. However I look back on it now and it just seems ridiculous.

It is clear from the outside that you gave ocd and are not a paedophile. Fantasies are supposed to be enjoyable. However, you are not enjoying them. Otherwise you wouldn't feel so bad about them. That is the key thing about ocd obsessions: they are ego dystonic -- against the ego and distressing.

Also fantasies are not things that just pop into your head. They are things you seek out and enjoy. You are clearly not romanticising and enjoying this.

You are showing clear signs of ocd:

-- rumination

-- checking and seeking reassurance

-- previous obsessions on other topics

Nothing you say worries me at all. I would be fine to leave you with young relatives of mine and would have no concerns. I know you feel horrible and feel for you but this will pass. Try to get more help from nhs.

You will want to argue with this post and seek more reassurance and check more. Because that is what ocd does. Another sign the problem is ocd and not anything else.

Is playing scenarios in your head for the purpose of checking for attraction a fantasy?

I have never fantasied sexually about kids and I am incredibly worried of any thoughts popping up during sex with my husband or masturbation (actually I haven't masturbated in almost a year due to these fears). I do however, check sometimes to see if I am attracted to these things by playing scenarios in my head after intrusive thoughts... however, I am always disturbed but I can't figure out if I like these things or not.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...