at home alone

[gingerbreadgirl]

As some of you may remember I have some issues around checking OCD/ burglary fears etc, exacerbated by moving house last Autumn. Anyway have been doing a lot better,but my partner is away this week for the first time so I'm on my own, and I'm really terrified, especially as I've got it into my head my neighbour has a problem with me (which I really think she does) and she just blanked me on the drive, so now I think crazy things like she's really hostile towards me and if I did get broken into she wouldn't call the police,deliberately, or worse she'll do something herself (she's a bit unstable). I know that's ridiculous,btw. Just really worried. I want to treat this as exposure but it's already falling apart,must have checked the front door at least twenty times and not even dark yet! Anyway just wanted to put this down here - any encouragement exposure wise?

[PolarBear]

You know what to do. Stop checking that front door. Your just exacerbating the situation every time you do it. There's no easy way around it. You have to sit with the anxiety and try to refocus onto something else. Also watch your ruminating. Stop thinking about your neighbor and whether she is or is not mean and what she would do if you were burgled. That's not going to do you any good.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Thanks polar. Just called the other half for reassurance,so annoyed at myself. Need a good kick up the backside!

[PolarBear]

Ooooh. Pick me! Pick me! I have size 12 boots!

[gingerbreadgirl]

Ha, I think you love kicking people a bit too much

[PolarBear]

I care in a different way. That's all.

[Guest Saz]

You two are funny x

Ok gingerbread. I've been home alone since friday and again tonight. I hate it too. I don't think it's unreasonable to be worried as it's only natural when you are alone, I think most ppl would completely agree. But the whole thing with your neighbour is worse case scenario thinking...thats the part you need to try not to worry over. Leave any checking until bedtime and get yourself a glass of wine and relax x

[Guest Saz]

I say home alone but I have the kids with me, just no partner x

[gingerbreadgirl]

Thanks saz, I really appreciate your help it's really kind of you. I don't really think this is normal worrying (eg have actual panic attacks,and have snapped off two different door handles from repeated checking...embarrassing when telling landlord lol!) Will try to follow your advice though. X

[Guest Saz]

Oh no I didn't mean that you have cause to worry as in your gonna get burgled! I meant it as in lots of people (us girls moreso) worry generally when they are home alone so that's normal...hope I made sense. I used to check loads too. Awww you don't want to get yourself all worked up if you can help it. Plan some nice distractions x

[gingerbreadgirl]

V good advice saz thank you x

[gingerbreadgirl]

Is anyone still up and awake?

[Caramoole]

I am.....but hopefully you've gone to bed

If not ....Go to bed, put the TV or radio on really low (if you must) so you can barely (but just) hear it and that it's not intrusive. Get as comfy on your pillows as you can, listen without listening...if that makes sense and see if you can drift. And NO checking. You're safe, you have a phone and it will be morning before you know it....and you'll have made a great achievement even if it was a struggle. They're all achievements, even if they're a struggle.

Hope you manage to sleep well and can chalk it up tomorrow as a win.

Caramoole

[gingerbreadgirl]

Thanks caramoole. Wise words as always still awake, just don't seem to be able to relax enough. Will keep trying though!

[Caramoole]

BED GBG.......Give it a go

Sending you some positive vibes

Being alone isn't nice when you're anxious.....but you'll do it, honest

[gingerbreadgirl]

Thanks caramoole. Got myself into a bit of a state I think. Not too long til it starts getting light though! Will be a zombie at work tomorrow!

[Caramoole]

You will

Try and go to bed. Leave a bedside light on if needs be but try and relax a bit. Try and use mindfulness....listen to a clock, traffic, the birds starting to chirp, the TV....get off the computer and do your best. Even if it's not perfect you ARE doing it...and that's an achievement in itself.

Nighty Night GBG.....Get some sleep :hug:

[gingerbreadgirl]

Made it! Prob got an hour or two at most but I survived without anyone murdering me, lol. Exhausted now though

[Franklin12]

Hi GBG, glad you survived the night! Have you tried relaxing into the fear? I don't know quite how to explain it but you just accept the worst will come true and then relax your whole body rather than stiffen up with fear. So spend the evening distracting ie watching a film etc. and then try that when you switch the light off and get into bed. Being as you're tired you might find you drop off this way really easily. Then voila, the next thing you know it's morning.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Franklin, this is a great idea and something I've actually done before with this same fear ( by not when alone) - I totally should have done this last night but just got just really worked up and did all the wrong things. My partner is away again tonight and I'm playing with the idea of staying in a hotel - proper cowardly I know but I do love hotels! thanks for your reply x

[Hal]

I'm playing with the idea of staying in a hotel

......why not save the money from staying in a hotel and use it to treat yourselves to a meal out together? I know it may not be easy tonight, but it might be better than last night and tomorrow could be better than tonight, I'll stop now before I confuse myself

[Guest Saz]

Isn't staying in a hotel a bit like avoidance of the situation? I'm not meaning to make you feel bad so please don't think that. Why don't you take the normal precautions that any girl on their own would do, which to me personally would be to just make sure doors are locked and windows shut before bed, take your phone to bed too. I have to admit as I've already told you that I would be exactly the same, I hate being on my own and as we are born worriers everything is catastrophised in terms of what could potentially go wrong. I'm being totally honest and do lock my bedroom door when im alone and kids come in but it's one of them old fashioned ones that has a tiny lock built in...not much use tho really as their is a massive pane of glass in it lol! I also know that I will have to stop doing that soon as kids get bigger. Ive no reason to lock it, im sure I've more chance of being knocked down than burgled... x

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Hal and saz

You're both right I know I shouldn't really consider staying in a hotel.

All I can say in my defence us that my partner and I agreed I should spend at least one night on my own in the house and if I could do that I could spend the other night in a hotel. Last night was pretty extreme exposure for me and I'm glad I did it. But I really need to get some sleep tonight as work has really suffered today!

Still haven't booked anything though so will think about it x

[PolarBear]

Well now if you made a plan to stay by yourself for one night then consider going to a hotel, then there's really no problem with following the plan. Rome wasn't built in a day and you did your big exposure and you do need a break for some sleep so going to a hotel would not be all that negative under the circumstances. Exposures are not meant to be done in such a way that you end up scared to death every night for hours and hours. You build up slowly. You did one good night so pat yourself on the back. The decision is yours but good on you for doing one night.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Thanks polar - I have gone to the hotel and feel much happier for it. X