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I think I'm making progress but...


Guest HeadAboveWater

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Guest HeadAboveWater

I am starting to recognize the thoughts as false and see that they are OCD. The doubt seems to be not so strong and it's making it easier to not engage in compulsions or rumination. Even the intrusive thoughts seem to be getting less and less and they aren't giving me as much anxiety as they were before.

Though, I feel like perhaps I am getting over this theme and the OCD is beginning to fade, I am still struggling a bit. Even when I can see that something is an OCD thought and I don't do any compulsion or ruminating to figure it out, I am still getting groinal responses and random feelings like I am agreeing with the thoughts. It is a weird feeling because I feel like I know now that the thoughts are false but at the same time the fact that the groinal responses are still there and it feels like sometimes I am having urges or believing thoughts.

It's almost like my brain is halfway breaking free from the circle of doubt and anxiety caused by the OCD thoughts but another half is still doing the same old pattern. It is almost like my brain is trying to find it's way back to truth and reality (which is not these thoughts or feelings) but is still sending signals of the old thoughts... is that possible?

Is that what it feels like when you are beginning to get over a theme or get over OCD?

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You seem to still have anxiety over this, hence your physical responses. What I've found is the brain takes time physically to get better once you understand mentally that the thoughts and doubts are caused by OCD.

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I agree with Imhotep. Getting better is gradual. Try not to think too much about the physical symptoms. Sometimes it's like 3 steps forward 2 steps back. So long as you are making progress is all that matters.

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Guest HeadAboveWater

Do you think that the fear and anxiety about the obsessive thoughts and ideas cause them to seem real?

Because what I noticed is if I am not anxious over a thought it doesn't feel real and I can see that it is false and that it is just an OCD thought. But if I start to get anxious and fearful or disgusted, then it starts to feel real and I get the groinal responses more.

Edited by HeadAboveWater
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That's how the disorder works. Misinterpreting ambiguous information, getting anxious about it, and making it seem like it is possible. If you don't feel anxious or notice a thought, like those without OCD, then that thought has no meaning, and you don't need to ruminate and check to see if your feared action is going to occur.

I'm in a similar position actually, where I can see my thoughts are complete nonsense, and sometimes I see how stupid, unrealistic, and frankly ridiculous they are. But then I begin to feel guilty over having these thoughts, which brings fear and disgust, and starts the rumination. Essentially, I should not respond to the guilt, I have no control over these thoughts, and thus have no reason to interact with them. Perhaps that's something you can use to help.

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Guest HeadAboveWater

Thank you, Imhotep - I do think somehow it sucks us back in through guilt and doubt or by just bringing up a new variation of the feared thought.

It is getting easier as I see that my mind is constantly going from one end to another and I realize that it has to be OCD, otherwise, my beliefs wouldn't be bouncing around the way that they are. If it was real it would be stabilized on one belief. Even though, I can see that the thoughts are false and I don't like these sexual ideas. I am getting thoughts or urges like ''go masturbate'' or ''you want to do this'' and it is a weird feeling because on one hand I see that the thoughts are OCD but I get really afraid and anxious when I have thoughts or urges saying ''I want to masturbate'' because then it feels like maybe I want to or that I will. I don't want to masturbate to these thoughts and it creeps me out to think about... but the doubt is sucking me in.

I do agree also that it is like I have taken 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. But in my mind, I can still see that 1 step forward is that I can recognize more often that the thoughts are irrational and it is my fear of them that keeps them coming around.

Edited by HeadAboveWater
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Guest HeadAboveWater

Like I'll notice a groinal response and then I'll get an thought or urge that I want to masturbate... but I don't really want to and so then I will try to ignore it but I'll keep feeling this urge like I'm going to do it. It disturbs me because I don't want to masturbate to these thoughts and I honestly don't even think I'm sexually aroused I just am nervous to be.

It feels so wrong.

Uh, I am ruminating again. I just realized it. I guess it was because of these groinal responses.

At the moment I can see that the thoughts are OCD but the groinal response catches me off guard.

How should I treat the groinal responses? How can I allow them to happen without focusing on what they mean or if they are due to the thoughts?

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Guest sophie13

Hi, it's hard... I know what you mean... my sexual intrusive thoughts come with physical reactions and they are very annoyed... We both now it's OCD... the rule is try not to give the feelings too much attention...

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Guest HeadAboveWater

Thank you, Sophie! I wish you strength in your recovery from this beastly disorder, as well.

I am making progress, despite these blips in rumination.... I can feel it.

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Guest HeadAboveWater

I guess I am trying to achieve certainty that I am not attracted to these sexual thoughts that I have.

The problem I am trying to understand is that my thoughts get stuck on a few certain people and I want to know if I seriously am attracted to these people or if my OCD is just sticks to them for some reason?

I get that it doesn't help to analyze, as I've been doing it for the past 8 months and it has never gotten me anywhere. It has shifted form a few times but I never can find an answer of yes, you are or no, you are not. I can see them as false more often now, like I generally know that I am not attracted to these people, but my OCD will then stick to one of them in particular and it begins to feel real because I don't know why it would just stick to one person. Do you know what I mean?

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Guest HeadAboveWater

It's common for OCD sexual thoughts to change from an attraction to a type of person - to a specific person... or is that not normal OCD?

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Stop trying to differentiate between what's real and what isn't. It won't get you anywhere.

What I've learnt to do over time (with practice) is to not answer these questions that pop up in my mind.

Was I aroused? Why did I feel that way? What does this mean about me as a person?

You don't have to actually answer any of these questions.

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Guest HeadAboveWater

Since you stopped trying to answer the questions... have the questions and thoughts stopped?

My most frustrating part of my obsession is that it used to be a general sexual idea and now it has stuck to a specific person and I keep getting images of this person in my head and I don't know if what I am feeling is real attraction or OCD fear of being attracted which then makes it seems like it possibly is.

Do you know why is sticks to specific people? Is that common?

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Guest HeadAboveWater

You're right, Ascend. And although, it hasn't greatly improved - I do feel a small improvement.

Thanks for always smacking some sense into me, Ascend. You are always very helpful in a very blunt way.... which is what I need to keep my **** motivated to beat this! :)

Edited by HeadAboveWater
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I read the past comments and agree with Ascend. He provided some great feed back and guiding questions. You are still ruminating, which in it self is a compulsion. Thoughts are thoughts, nothing else. It takes time to get through OCD and fall backs are a necessary part of getting better. You will get through this, with time. You have come a long way and are noticing all the right things. Your OCD just shifted to some pure obsessional traits, like obsessing about thoughts. The good thing is that you are noticing the pattern that has become apparent. Keep working hard it will pay off!

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