Really scared please help x

[Guest Nikki79]

I was sadly worrying about a time I had anxiety in a situation. Now I'm in bed as I do this and then I turn over and get another thought and feeling of the child I was worrying about. I remember perhaps being next to a child snd then feelings of anxiety and what went on? How am I supposed to go oh thats ok and let it go when I'm scared of what that memory was. I swear I'm incredibly distressed. Please understand x

[battlethrough]

Im struggling so much as well nicky though my pocd has vanished into a totally new obsession that keeps tellin me its not ocd

Im finding it incredibly hard,but like people have been telling me theres only one way,although it seems impossible we can just do our best not to ruminate,im trying every second,i gusess its all we can do,ive spent3weeks trying to work out every detail and obviously that doesnt work

Just keep trying hun,well never get the awnsers were looking for no matter how hard we search in our heads x

[Guest Nikki79]

Im sorry ur struggling I really am. I too am in the same boat. Its like I can't live with not knowing yet thoughts and feelings give me guilt. I dunno how I'm going to be ok x

[Guest jayjay89]

You are going to be ok

Do you know if you have ocd?

[Guest Nikki79]

Yes I've had and done everything but still feel worried over my thoughts and feelings. All is so unclear after years of it that I still worry what I've done wrong. I half remember things but always want to think I'm ok and don't need to remember what my thoughts want me to

[Guest jayjay89]

Ok, but you acknowledge that you have a disorder which can create doubt around anything and can make you question your memories and create new ones?

Is it more likely that you did 'the bad thing' or more likely that your disorder is creating doubt in your mind, where there needing be any?

[Guest Nikki79]

Thats a very good question and I would have to say its unclear what my thoughts are about and more than likely I'm remembering anxious thoughts and maybe anxious times but what I fear is what I'm trying to remember, does that make sense? X

[Guest jayjay89]

Ok - so you are remembering and thinking about (ruminating) anxious thoughts, from anxious times. Then you are searching your memories (ruminating) about whether or not the "bad thing" happened.

If you break it down like that, can you see how it's OCD at play?

[Guest Nikki79]

Ya I do but do you also see I'm remembering something friend and I'm deeply scared as to what has happened. The thoughts were first oh God did I do something and then I felt I did, then the scenario was strong and horrific and I was at painst to remember but I cant but surely I can see that I may have been in a situation that was dangerous. Do you see? I feel I could have been but if I try to make myself feel better as scared of what occurred ;(

[Guest jayjay89]

Yup - I get ya.

This is going to sound like I think its easy - but I know its not!

Trying to make yourself feel better, or reassuring yourself that it didn't happen, or ruminating (thinking, questioning, examining thoughts) are common compulsions, that feed the OCD thought and make it grow in strength. It's like you are feeding the little monster in your brain and it's taking those compulsions and fears and growing and growing. As it grows it throws more "what ifs?" at you and more false memories, or more fuzzy memories where you cant be sure and on and on and on!

If you can stop yourself from engaging with it - stop worrying about it, stop thinking about it, distract yourself, eventually it will starve to death and get smaller and smaller and smaller.

There is no way to be certain if it did or did not happen.

When I am struggling with this, I have to say to myself :

"Maybe it did happen. It's unlikely, because I have OCD and it does like to make things up to scare me, but it could have happened. I can't do anything about that now. I am going to commit to treating this like OCD for 2 weeks and if in 2 weeks I still feel just as confused and unsure (after cutting out all compulsions and not engaging with the thoughts) then I will reassess".

I have never gotten to the end of the 2 weeks and needed to reassess.

Does that make sense? What is the harm in treating it like OCD for a couple of weeks and seeing what happens?

Good luck,

Jay

[Guest Saz]

Hi jay and thank you for your nice reply on my thread.

Sorry to jump in here but can I just say about the reassessing after 2 weeks. I still feel the same about mine after so long even when I have gone a short period without ruminating etc but its still here. X

[Guest jayjay89]

Hey Saz,

if you have gone two weeks and still feel the same, then that would suggest to me that you have other compulsions you aren't recognising.

My method works (well at least for me) because I know what all my compulsions are and I can catch them before they start. Like the second the "false memory" floats into my brain I find a distraction, I don't even think the whole thought. Then if I find it keeps popping up like an ugly mole, I just accept it. So instead of engaging with it and arguing etc, for that two weeks, I just go, "ok, yup, maybe I did that" and then do something else.

[Guest Saz]

Ah ok I see, I was panicking (as per) thinking that if I've had it longer than 2 weeks its real. Their was a period last year were I wasn't thinking on it all so much and not even writing on here but still it stayed.

Sorry nikki not meaning to hijack x

[Guest Nikki79]

No probs Saz X

Jay what happened after the two weeks when you did that? Please tell me x

[gingerbreadgirl]

You know what to do with these thoughts, Nikki They're just like any others. They're tough little blighters and they get us right where it hurts but they're all part of the same disorder. I've seen you make amazing progress in the past, and you can carry on with that progress but you need to remember who's boss - you, not OCD. OCD is telling you to go over this memory/thought, work it out, solve the problem and then you can move on. But OCD is a liar and you'll never find peace if you do that. You need to tell OCD to take a running jump and refuse to play by its rules. You don't need to work this thought out - you don't need to do anything with it. Just let it sit there. You'll feel horribly anxious but that's the way it goes. Distract yourself with something nice. Don't play OCD's game x

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I understand what you are suffering with, Nikki. It really is so hard to cope with. I've been taking panic tablets almost everyday for the past 4 days and it is helping to curb my anxiety and sometimes I can really see the pattern of OCD and that these thoughts are not me. However, I think the fact that my anxiety has been curbed a lot due to the medication, I sometimes will have a thought like ''you like these thoughts'' and it will come with images and I feel like I don't even care or I end up feeling like I might just like them. I don't freak out like I was before and I'm not going ''omg NOOO!''. I can't tell if I am getting better or if I am beginning to like the thoughts for real. I can't even get emotional about it.... I just feel confused.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Im struggling so much as well nicky though my pocd has vanished into a totally new obsession that keeps tellin me its not ocd

Do you mean your POCD is gone? Or that now you are obsessing that your POCD isn't OCD?

[Guest Nikki79]

Gingerbread I know you have been with me on this before and that reply has inspired me. I'm sad and disappointed I'm back here but the thoughts wanted me to remember them, they were scary and I'm sure I had to het over them before but worst still I feel the need to remember the situation I have the fear with. Yes I agree I must not ruminate but I'm fearful of what may have occurred very responsible..

[Guest jayjay89]

After 2 weeks of complete non engagement, I could see them clearly as ocd thoughts and they caused me less and less anxiety

[Guest Nikki79]

I'm back to the same worry again. I can't cope

[PolarBear]

So what can you differently this time?

[Guest Nikki79]

I'm traumatised