Jump to content

Please help, I am worried my brother is/is going to be abused :(


Guest jayjay89

Recommended Posts

Guest jayjay89

Hey all,

Just a quick recap about my family, if you haven't seen my previous posts.

My mum remarried when I was 7, to a man who had been living with us since I was 3, he was horrifically abusive to me (not me and mum, just me). Then when I was 8, Mum and my step dad had a child, my baby brother.

All my life, from 3 until 15 my stepdad beat me, seriously. Ie, serious - I had broken bones, black eyes, I still have scars on my back and legs from his belt and belt buckle. He broke my nose so many times when I was a child, that I had to get it straightened a few years ago because I couldn't breath properly. I am not exaggerating at all, if anything I am underexagerating how violent and scary my house was. He would scream and yell at me all the time, threaten me, hurt me, not let my mum take me to the hospital, so on and so forth. (I moved out when I was 15 and told my stepdad that if he ever touched my brother I would go to the cops)

My step dad yells and screams at my brother, who still lives at home (he is only 16), but he has never hit him (of that I am 99% certain, because we have a great relationship and he knows that I will have him out of there before his feet hit the ground if he needs out).

Family violence in NZ is fairly common, but usually not at the level I experienced, and I would even say that the verbal violence is probably more severe than most.

Right, so here is my worry. I visited my family for a few hours yesterday. During this time my brother and step dad got into a verbal argument where my SD was threatening to beat my brother to a pulp (which is fairly normal for him) - but what wasn't normal - and shocked me - was that my brother turned around to SD and said "stop being an A**hole" etc and engaged in an actual verbal fight. If my SD was ever yelling at me I just froze and took it. It's like we have the same parents, but different, because my brother hasn't been physically abused, so he kinda doesn't get the risk... maybe?

Anyway I asked mum how long that had been going on and she wasn't sure (she is just a bit vague sometimes)

I am terrified that SD and brother are going to get into a physical fight and my brother is going to end up seriously injured, or worse. But - since SD has never physically engaged with brother, perhaps that wont happen?

But I am also worried about reporting a situation which my brother doesn't seem concerned about.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a novel, I just really don't know what to do and I am so scared for my brother. But if I report my SD for "no" reason, my family will be all split up and they may never forgive me. Also this isn't about OCD really haha, but you guys are so supportive and knowledgeable I just hope someone has some advice.

Thanks all,

Jay

Link to comment
Guest lizinlondon

I personally would not report anything. That should be your mum's responsibility. You have suffered enough. Step out of the situation and look after your health.

Sorry to hear what your SD did to you. It is horrific and unacceptable. I feel this could be why you feel depressed sometimes because you are living with trauma. Are there any local support groups that deal with trauma or PTSD? I would advise getting help to heal the trauma.

My dad was emotionally abusive to me and my family and he is still like this to this day, except now he is old. I can't see him cos he verbally attacks me so I stay away.

As part of my CBT I realised that alot of my mental health problems come from feeling threatened, because I grew up in a state of terror. I now have to work on dealing with my trauma and develop a more balanced perspective.

Link to comment
Guest jayjay89

Hey Liz,

The problem is that my mother will not report it - she didn't keep me safe, so I have no faith in her to keep my brother safe :(

I can't do PTSD therapy, no therapists will touch me with that because I am high risk.

Thanks for your thoughts :)

Jay

Link to comment
Guest sophie13

JayJay what do you mean by high risk? I don't understand...

It is horrible what happened to you... I also lived in a crazy family with lots of verbal violence... My mom was always threatening to kill herself and I was so scared all the time.

What you should do is talk to your brother... and report him if he hurts your brother... If I were you I would report him for what he did to me....

Link to comment
Guest jayjay89

Hey Sophie,

I'm high risk of killing myself and therapists don't like to take on patients that keep trying to kill themselves haha... They are worried they will be blamed!

I just don't want to start trouble now, my brother seems ok, in 2 years he will be out of the house, maybe less, and none of my family would thank me for causing issues :(

Link to comment
Guest sophie13

Ufff... sorry to hear such a thing about being high risk. I hope it's not true and it is only in your head :-)

But anyway, shouldn't therapists treat you anyway? You don't see anybody now?

You are right about your brother. It great he has a sister like you who would do so many things for him!

Link to comment
Guest lizinlondon

Jayjay

Yes they usually only start treating trauma when we are stable enough. It is a bit of a catch 22, cos they can't treat it til we are stable, but it is making us unstable! My therapist is only just starting to.treat my OCD because I was too unstable for exposure. When she has sorted my OCD then she will help me with trauma.

Here is a positive story. My friend had childhood trauma and he was using alcohol and drugs for 20 years to deal with it. Finally he went to rehab and got clean, then he had intensive therapy for trauma and it healed him. He has been clean for 4 years, has a job in finance in the city, a car, flat and a girlfriend.

There is hope. You were born innocent. It is not your fault you were abused. You deserve to heal and to live a satisfying life, and this is possible.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...