My dad told me to Shutup last night

[ACE]

Last night it was a bit late I went into the kitchen& my cat jumped on the kitchen ledge from the outside& I like talking to him&hearing him meow .My dad got up to go to the toilet&when i was talking to my Cat he loudly said to me shut up about talking to the Cat and about trying to sleep it made me feel a bit horrible and remind me of my life growing up as my dad was always.I tried not to get really upset I didn't get so angey but I did feel the obsessins trying to get into me to get really upset&constantly rumainte over what my dad had just said as i had so often did in the past.I didn't want to do this&try not to as I know what can happen with the obsessions&ruminations I managed to not relaly do it but I felt the anxiety really distressing me.I eneded up going on my phone& reading about ways to die as i had done many times before& look up some topics on Suicide as I felt like this I didn't want to mention this but I couldn't help the feeling as so often growing up how my dad made me feel really&even ladt night I felt like doing something then&there even going into the backyard etc etc .

Edited November 21, 2014 by ACE

[Guest lizinlondon]

Hi Ace I can relate. My dad is a very angry person. When I was a kid he was always shouting and smashing things in the house. Now he is old but he is still angry and always puts me down and criticises me. When he had cancer I cared for him and he never said thankyou. He says I am a failure and I am pretending to have mental health problems. I feel suicidal when I see him. A big part of my contamination OCD is due to him cos I can't touch anything he might have touched. This includes the rest of my family! I am in treatment for the OCD and when I am well enough I will move out and get away from him. Don't harm yourself because of him x

[Guest Gale1982]

Hey ACE, me too.

My step dad was very violent and abusive when I was growing up, still is actually. I know its because he had a very rough childhood and made some bad lifestyle choices later on. Its taken me over 30 years to learn how to brush off his temper, it still gets to me though. Sometimes, when he gets angry for no reason, I joke and tell him that I'm the one who decides which care home he ends up in...but I'm totally not joking, hahaha!!

I know you're a sensitive soul and its tough, but try not to take it to heart. Some people are just dicks and there's nothing anyone can do to help them. You can help yourself though and remember that in spite of him, you've turned out to be a caring and thoughtful guy

[Guest lizinlondon]

Yes my therapist told me this week that I should not take other people's behaviour personally. Sometimes some people are not well and they take it out on other people. Whilst this hurts us we have to remember to separate them from us, say something like "that person is angry, it is not my fault, it is their problem" and step away. The problem is that having experienced all that anger as a kid, I am now really sensitive to angry people in general, which is something I am learning to deal with. I tend to take other people's anger on and blame myself, this is something I need to stop.

[Guest PaulM]

I'm sorry ACE. I can relate as my parents can be a bit harsh. It's hard not to internalize these things at the best of times, but from a parent it seems worse.

Like lizinlondon, I too am really sensitive to angry people and blame myself. As a child, my mum was extremely angry. I avoid confrontation and to matters worse the few times I do stand up for myself I end up feeling rotten about it.

I guess in some ways it's a bit like therapy in that we can't control the situation, but we can adapt to how we deal with it. I guess the long and the short of it is you're not alone.

[Guest lizinlondon]

Yes if I ever do stand up for myself I feel so guilty. I need to get over this too.

[ACE]

Thanks very much for all your replies I really appreciate them all so much.I try my best not to let my dad get to me I know it's hard.He was always like that growing up really being quite abusive both mentally&Physically I try hard not to let him get to me it can be quite difficult not to but I try my best not to really.I have seen even when trying to do a lot down the years he could still go out of his way to make me feel bad somehow&even to other people really.My mum can be similar well not the abusive part physically but a fair bit of negativity really but also I try not to let them impact me it can be pretty challenging though really.I know many times down the years I couldn't help having the thoughts I just want to be gone&that should make him happy after the way he's been down the years really&see how he is then.I don't mean to say that to sound spiteful at all it's just the feelings I guess having growing up&going through life with him.

Very often I would see the fathers of my friends,my cousin etc etc&How they had their relationships with them&I'd feel quite jealous really.Of course I'm not there all the time to see what goes on in peoples houses but I felt I had a pretty good idea of whgat did when I spent a fair bit of time with my cousins for e.g&I re4ally wanted that type of fatherr-son relationship.But to be honest right now it doesn't matter It doesn't really bother me for e.g,but when I've heard such comments from him especially it has dug in a fair bit deep&pretty much it brings back my childhood I do think&feel :original: .

Edited November 24, 2014 by ACE

[Guest lizinlondon]

Yeah I completely relate to all this. I get jealous when I see dad's out with their daughters. It is a shame but I guess these are the cards we were dealt with. At least these days we can come on forums and share these experiences and feel comfort that we are not alone. Just remember he won't be around forever, nothing lasts forever. It is no wonder that you suffer so much with self-esteem if you grew up being bullied. Maybe you could work on a long term plan to move away from him?

[ACE]

Thanks very much Liz that's what i would like/love really to eventually move away&out of home.I was planning on that hopefully when I was working full time at my last job really until I became unwell&had to stop working really :original: .Even in the past I ahd the idea in place&I was going to buy an investment property to try to make money&help me for e.g in future to eventually get something to move out of home but at the time my dad was saying the place I was interested in buying is not a good place to live in even though I was only trying to get it asan investment but it really wasn't a bad place to live in really even though it wasn't my intention to move in there .But that doesn't matter as anyway I tried in the past&throughout life to listen to what he says especially living at home,but I try my best not togo over of course past incidents even though it is hard&does get quite challenging as you&everyone/anyone knows with OCD especially :original: .

[Guest lizinlondon]

I had the same when I tried to leave 3 years ago he told me I would never survive on my own. Then I got really sick with OCD and now I am trapped until I am well enough to move out. I am working on a plan with my therapist to get out. I just can't stand the aggression and criticism any more! Hope you will find a way out soon x

[ACE]

Thanks very much liz I'm very sorry you're going through a similart situation I totally understend hun&I certainly hope you will get to where you need&deserve to be &I really think you will in good time stay strong and keep on fighting I know you willo get there :original: .