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What are your Obsessions and Compulsions?


Guest taurl

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Guest taurl

Hello fellow OCD sufferers out there. My name is Brian and I am new to this site. In order to find people with similar struggles to what I have to endure on a daily basis, I figured I should start my first forum topic by asking others what their OCD symptoms are.. I will list my symptoms below. I currently suffer from every known sub-category of OCD symptoms that are most common in OCD sufferers, mainly HOCD (I am gay, so more hetero-OCD), ROCD, and Pure-O OCD

My obsessions mainly focus on anything associated with negativity, including

-violent acts

-losing people I love (example: people I love giving up on me or dying in some way)

-losing my own identity or becoming another person (example: becoming a drug addict or rude person)

-harming others (example: accidentally or purposely harming my family, friends etc either physically or emotionally)

-thinking about anything negative or associated with negativity (example: receiving a failing grade in class)

anything considered bad that you can think of..

My compulsions include

-avoidance of people, places or things, including words (as I type this I avoided a few words already)

-constant checking for reassurance

-thought suppression

-counting

An example of this would be when I get an intrusive thought about losing my brother tragically, I would have to either suppress the though immediately or think about the same thought an even number of times exactly the way it entered my subconscious the first time or it will result in extreme anxiety. All of this is a constant battle, and happens all day, everyday. Does anything deal with anything similar?

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Guest trappedbythoughts

Hello Brian! My name is Alisha. I'm also relatively new to this forum and I'm more of an observer than someone who contributes a lot. I'm not very aware with the initials with OCD like ROCD or whatever but I mainly struggle with homosexual ocd, arranging/symmetry and pure-o.

My obsessions are quite similar to yours, and my compulsions are too - particularly counting and checking for reassurance!

Hope you are well!

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Guest taurl

Thank you for responding Alisha,

I also have compulsions regarding arranging and keeping things around me symmetrical. Because of this, I find it difficult to clean or organize items around me without spending hours doing a task that usually requires a few minutes to complete so I avoid cleaning as much as possible. It seems as if my compulsions are random. Also, what are your symptoms with homosexual ocd? I identify as homosexual, but I always fear that somehow that may change and the thought gives me extreme anxiety because I actually feel comfortable with my sexuality and it's apart of my identity which I assume is something you also deal with..? I have spent years trying to change who I am because I was afraid of being bullied in school if I ever accepted it, but eventually I did accept it and I have finally felt happy with who I am which is why I am afraid that will happen again.

Also ROCD means Relationship-OCD which is a form of the disorder that targets a person's intimate relationships.

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Guest trappedbythoughts

No problem,

I can relate on a certain level with homosexual ocd but not to a great extent. Unlike you, I am straight and trust me - I am far from homophobic! I fear that I'm attracted to my own gender or that others think I'm gay which causes me a lot of distress and anxiety, in spite of the fact that I have no issues with those who register as homosexual. I guess it's just evidence that OCD is completely irrational! I tend to avoid a lot of tv shows/movies/books involving homosexual individuals or even actors of my own gender (this means I avoid tv or whatever altogether) in fear that I'll become attracted to them. I'm glad you're comfortable in your own skin and with your sexuality! I hope you're managing your ocd well.

Oh, I see! What would the obsessions/compulsions in relationship-OCD be like then?

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Guest taurl

I had the same exact symptoms but mine mostly included a lot of checking to reassure myself that I am in fact who I say I am. I have always had issues with my identity, my OCD likes to attack the very thing that makes me who I am. I always fear I will "become" something or someone I am not, so I believe it is a lot more than just anxiety over my sexual orientation. I do agree though, I have absolutely nothing against straight people, gay people or any people, but the fear has more to do with myself, my own identity which is a very personal thing to every person. I also hope you are managing your OCD well. It's perfectly normal for people to question these things, it's just that people like us who suffer from OCD cannot stop and that causes anxiety.

Relationship-OCD is like any other form of OCD but it target's the relationships that people have with their boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife etc..

Obsessions include

-fear that you do not love your partner

-fear that your partner doesn't love you

-fear that you will cheat

-fear that your partner will cheat

-fear that your partner will get hurt or hurt you

Compulsions include

-constantly checking for reassurance

-preoccupation with partner's feelings towards oneself

-constantly looking for flaws in your partner

These things are all very distressing for the sufferer and their partner and definitely puts stress on the relationship, which makes it worse. This is all because intimate relationships are very important to a person and their well-being. This is especially difficult for me because I also suffer from HOCD (heterosexual OCD or Sexual Orientation OCD) and Body Dismorphic Disorder and anxiety.

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Guest trappedbythoughts

Oh! I understand now! Thank you for telling me. I think I might be affected by it in the way that I fear I've annoyed the people closest to me which causes me to seek reassurance to the extent that it annoys them. I always just thought this was doubt from my ocd though.

Are you currently receiving any help for your OCD such as medication or cbt? If you don't mind me asking!

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Guest Sisyphus
taurl, on 12 Jul 2014 - 02:17 AM, said:

Absolutely no responses. Talk about no support.

You're right Brian, that's pretty bad. I dunno why that happens.

My OCD is centred mainly around intrusive thoughts/rumination but here is a list of all the stuff I can think of:

- intrusive thoughts around conflict situations

- presenting opposites as truth(not sure if that's false memories?)

- sexuality(including fear of being a paedophile sometimes(in fact including fear of being an everything-phile sometimes!))

- harming others

- certain aspects of cleaning though not like a contamionation problem, just OTT

- intrustive thoughts about my last relationship

- lost of nonsesne to do with words and objects related to any of the above which triggers the same anxiety as the thing itself

- generally just lots of opposites to what I'm into or what I would do

I feel like I've missed stuff there but that's all I can think of

- rationalising thoughts away by re-establishing what is real/not, me/not, happened/didn't etc.

- like you said suppressing or dismissing thoughts(if I dont have the time or energy to rationalise them away)

- also avoidance

- devising mental mantras as kind of magic spells to be recited to disarm particular triggers - that's the main thing I do actually. If Im in private I may say some of it out loud too. I have to say it with the right feeling or t dosen't work.

That's about all I can think of right now.

Edited by Sisyphus
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Guest DOA623

Hello! Here is a list of obsessions and compulsions.

Obsessions:

-Robbery

-Disease and illness (I'm afraid I'll get Aids or something like that but I'm not even sexually active)

-Mental Illness (ironically)

-Screeching noises (brakes, nails on a chalkboard, styrofoam)

-Hurting people or animals or causing someone to get hurt because I'm not careful

-Losing people in my life

-Getting kidnapped or murdered

-Being dumb and others being dumb and ruining the future generation (this one is kinda weird to me)

Compulsions:

-Locking doors and windows

-Washing hands and avoiding smokers, sick people, etc.

-Instead of avoiding mental health tests like normal people, I take then frequently and then I tell myself not to and it's just a mess

-If I hear a screeching noise I have to scrap my nails on my tongue (probable my weirdest compulsion)

-Avoiding people if I'm doing something potentially dangerous or watching to make sure a little sibling doesn't go into the road by themselves

-I mostly just do mental things for losing people (not physically) like I have conversations with them in my head that let me know that they'll never leave. Doesn't always work.

-I lock doors and windows as with the first one

-Correct people every time I see an opportunity. If it's typed I won't say anything if the letter they meant was close to the letter they typed but if it is something like 'to' when they meant 'too' then I get really irritated. I'm always getting hate for being such a grammar nazi.

Another compulsion that I do for any of these is sing a certain song. Singing is a passion and it distracts me from the worry of these. Usually I just sing because I want to though. Not always a compulsion.

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Guest taurl

Oh! I understand now! Thank you for telling me. I think I might be affected by it in the way that I fear I've annoyed the people closest to me which causes me to seek reassurance to the extent that it annoys them. I always just thought this was doubt from my ocd though.

Are you currently receiving any help for your OCD such as medication or cbt? If you don't mind me asking!

If you would like to know more about it, I will gladly provide resources :)

And no, as of now I do not receive any treatment for my OCD symptoms which makes them especially difficult to deal with.

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Guest taurl

You're right Brian, that's pretty bad. I dunno why that happens.

My OCD is centred mainly around intrusive thoughts/rumination but here is a list of all the stuff I can think of:

- intrusive thoughts around conflict situations

- presenting opposites as truth(not sure if that's false memories?)

- sexuality(including fear of being a paedophile sometimes(in fact including fear of being an everything-phile sometimes!))

- harming others

- certain aspects of cleaning though not like a contamionation problem, just OTT

- intrustive thoughts about my last relationship

- lost of nonsesne to do with words and objects related to any of the above which triggers the same anxiety as the thing itself

- generally just lots of opposites to what I'm into or what I would do

I feel like I've missed stuff there but that's all I can think of

- rationalising thoughts away by re-establishing what is real/not, me/not, happened/didn't etc.

- like you said suppressing or dismissing thoughts(if I dont have the time or energy to rationalise them away)

- also avoidance

- devising mental mantras as kind of magic spells to be recited to disarm particular triggers - that's the main thing I do actually. If Im in private I may say some of it out loud too. I have to say it with the right feeling or t dosen't work.

That's about all I can think of right now.

Thank you for responding. Your symptoms are very similar to mine, in fact we share many of them in common. It seems like many of us who suffer from OCD, it tends to attack our identity, things that make us who we are as people, and as individuals. Most times with me, I get intrusive thoughts about becoming something or someone I am not, including being a paedophile, which is something you also deal with. We know deep down that this isn't the case, we are not actually what the OCD says we are, but we cannot control it. It feels very real to us that we are becoming something we aren't or do not want to be.

Also to add on to this, I also get intrusive thoughts about my previous relationships because I suffer from ROCD and I am constantly afraid that it will affect the relationship I have with a wonderful person, which is difficult for me considering how much I care about this person. Even now, as I type this, I am being drowned in thoughts about losing this person because I have decided to confront my fears by telling you about them, which is I tend to avoid doing with most people. I also tend to avoid things that trigger these thoughts. Thank you and I would love if you told me more about your experiences.

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Guest taurl

Hello! Here is a list of obsessions and compulsions.

Obsessions:

-Robbery

-Disease and illness (I'm afraid I'll get Aids or something like that but I'm not even sexually active)

-Mental Illness (ironically)

-Screeching noises (brakes, nails on a chalkboard, styrofoam)

-Hurting people or animals or causing someone to get hurt because I'm not careful

-Losing people in my life

-Getting kidnapped or murdered

-Being dumb and others being dumb and ruining the future generation (this one is kinda weird to me)

Compulsions:

-Locking doors and windows

-Washing hands and avoiding smokers, sick people, etc.

-Instead of avoiding mental health tests like normal people, I take then frequently and then I tell myself not to and it's just a mess

-If I hear a screeching noise I have to scrap my nails on my tongue (probable my weirdest compulsion)

-Avoiding people if I'm doing something potentially dangerous or watching to make sure a little sibling doesn't go into the road by themselves

-I mostly just do mental things for losing people (not physically) like I have conversations with them in my head that let me know that they'll never leave. Doesn't always work.

-I lock doors and windows as with the first one

-Correct people every time I see an opportunity. If it's typed I won't say anything if the letter they meant was close to the letter they typed but if it is something like 'to' when they meant 'too' then I get really irritated. I'm always getting hate for being such a grammar nazi.

Another compulsion that I do for any of these is sing a certain song. Singing is a passion and it distracts me from the worry of these. Usually I just sing because I want to though. Not always a compulsion.

Based on your list of obsessions, you suffer from Contamination OCD and fear of danger, which is also something that I had to deal with a one point and it's stressful and definitely interferes with how we react to everyday situations. But believe me when I tell you, your obsessions and compulsions are far from weird, a lot of OCD sufferers including me have done things that are usually considered "strange". For example, when I was about 8 years old, anytime I would come across a person who had a disease that wasn't contagious or a person without a home, I would constantly spit on the ground, which I thought was weird but I never knew why that was until I discovered what OCD was years later. Turns out that was my way of coping with my fear of getting a disease or losing my home, which is a terrible situation for people to deal with. I'm assuming the compulsion about the tongue thing has something to do with fear of being in danger via road accident? Not sure but I would appreciate if you explained that one to me. Thank you for responding!

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Guest Sisyphus

Thank you for responding. Your symptoms are very similar to mine, in fact we share many of them in common. It seems like many of us who suffer from OCD, it tends to attack our identity, things that make us who we are as people, and as individuals. Most times with me, I get intrusive thoughts about becoming something or someone I am not, including being a paedophile, which is something you also deal with. We know deep down that this isn't the case, we are not actually what the OCD says we are, but we cannot control it. It feels very real to us that we are becoming something we aren't or do not want to be.

Also to add on to this, I also get intrusive thoughts about my previous relationships because I suffer from ROCD and I am constantly afraid that it will affect the relationship I have with a wonderful person, which is difficult for me considering how much I care about this person. Even now, as I type this, I am being drowned in thoughts about losing this person because I have decided to confront my fears by telling you about them, which is I tend to avoid doing with most people. I also tend to avoid things that trigger these thoughts. Thank you and I would love if you told me more about your experiences.

Yes it seems to focus on the things most important to us about our psyche, morality, seuxality, likes/dislikes, what we would/wouldn't do, tricking us into thinking we are dangerously close to becoming that thing, but of course it never happens because the thing the false doubts are focussing on are the opposites of what we are, or rather the things we are not like. But somehow it still feels like we must address it and fight it or we are agreeing that it is the case. Therein lies the problem. A very hard toxic cycle to break, as I am finding.

Yes I do know what you mean about the fear that writing or saying something will manifest a real outcome - that old magical thinking! (wait wasn't that a Frank Sinatra song!?)

It makes me sad looking back at my last relationship - I think in retrospect a lot of it was spoiled by this OCD rubbish. I was rarely present. I am rarely ever present to be fair. And because it was so important to me OCD tried to sabotage it. But I fought all as best I could. I did pretty well really all in all, gievn how bad the OCD had got towards the end. There were alot of nice times in there, alot of laughs so "SCREW YOU OCD!!!!!!!!".

I hope you can make your relationship work though all this. I think knowing that you have it, trying to treat it, and being as open as you can with your partner about it, is probably the way forward. As other people have shown on here, it can work that way. I didn't know I had it back then see, so I had to just make the best of it all and keep it to myself, which is tough.

Is there anything in particular that you would you like know more about? I've led a very dull life really ;)

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Guest taurl

Yes it seems to focus on the things most important to us about our psyche, morality, seuxality, likes/dislikes, what we would/wouldn't do, tricking us into thinking we are dangerously close to becoming that thing, but of course it never happens because the thing the false doubts are focussing on are the opposites of what we are, or rather the things we are not like. But somehow it still feels like we must address it and fight it or we are agreeing that it is the case. Therein lies the problem. A very hard toxic cycle to break, as I am finding.

Yes I do know what you mean about the fear that writing or saying something will manifest a real outcome - that old magical thinking! (wait wasn't that a Frank Sinatra song!?)

It makes me sad looking back at my last relationship - I think in retrospect a lot of it was spoiled by this OCD rubbish. I was rarely present. I am rarely ever present to be fair. And because it was so important to me OCD tried to sabotage it. But I fought all as best I could. I did pretty well really all in all, gievn how bad the OCD had got towards the end. There were alot of nice times in there, alot of laughs so "SCREW YOU OCD!!!!!!!!".

I hope you can make your relationship work though all this. I think knowing that you have it, trying to treat it, and being as open as you can with your partner about it, is probably the way forward. As other people have shown on here, it can work that way. I didn't know I had it back then see, so I had to just make the best of it all and keep it to myself, which is tough.

Is there anything in particular that you would you like know more about? I've led a very dull life really ;)

As of right now, I am fighting through my OCD and the person I am with understands me, supports me and does all that they can to make me happy. But constantly I doubt, I question and I worry which only leads to more doubt, questioning, and worry and that is quite a vicious cycle to break, it's not easy. OCD in itself is evil, it's like a dark entity that makes everything in your life appear negative and it makes the sufferer feel worthless and alone. It induces fear and anxiety. It tries to take everything positive in your life and ruin it. When someone you care about tells you that they love you, you find every reason to doubt that because the OCD tells you that they are lying to you and we are forced to carry out tedious rituals to distance ourselves from the bad thoughts and the anxiety that comes with it. My partner and I talk about this every day and it has definitely made things better for us both. Communication is definitely important when it comes to these things. I definitely wish you the best, I know it's not easy but it definitely can be fought and you can take control of your life again. I am currently working on this because I refuse to lose to this disorder.

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Guest Sisyphus

As of right now, I am fighting through my OCD and the person I am with understands me, supports me and does all that they can to make me happy. But constantly I doubt, I question and I worry which only leads to more doubt, questioning, and worry and that is quite a vicious cycle to break, it's not easy. OCD in itself is evil, it's like a dark entity that makes everything in your life appear negative and it makes the sufferer feel worthless and alone. It induces fear and anxiety. It tries to take everything positive in your life and ruin it.

Amen brother.

When someone you care about tells you that they love you, you find every reason to doubt that because the OCD tells you that they are lying to you and we are forced to carry out tedious rituals to distance ourselves from the bad thoughts and the anxiety that comes with it. My partner and I talk about this every day and it has definitely made things better for us both. Communication is definitely important when it comes to these things.

Well good, it sounds like you're handling it as well as you could be in your relationship. Yes of course it targets our most important emotional stuff, the miserable little swine! Sounds like you've got someone special there with some empathy, which is of course important for this. Long may it continue.

I definitely wish you the best, I know it's not easy but it definitely can be fought and you can take control of your life again. I am currently working on this because I refuse to lose to this disorder.

"You're never out of the fight"

Than you Brian. I wish you the very best too mate.

David.

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Guest taurl

An important thing to remember is that OCD does not determine who you are, it does not control you unless you allow it. And yes, he is quite special indeed. I feel grateful to have him in my life.

Thank you David for your support.

Edited by taurl
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Guest Sisyphus

An important thing to remember is that OCD does not determine who you are, it does not control you unless you allow it. And yes, he is quite special indeed. I feel grateful to have him in my life.

Thank you David for your support.

Any time man(not that I really did anything!). Yeah I think it's important to try and acknowledge that OCD thrives on ideas of what we are NOT and so therefore it is all inherently false/lies/untrue/not us. And then distance ourselves from all that absolute garbage and dismiss it without paying the piper whenever we can.

Cos it sure don't feel that way to begin with.

Edited by Sisyphus
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