Sudden relapse

[Nicki]

Hi all,

I'm 24 year old girl from Belgium suffering from ocd since I was about 15 years old.

I joined this forum because I recently had a relapse and I feel so bad and alone at this time allthough I have sweet parents, a Nice brother and a lovely boyfriend.

During my adulthood ,My ocd has had many different forms (scared to be sick and to vomit, scared to fall in love with someone else than the boy I love, scared that I want to cheat on my boyfriend,...) but the one from which I suffer the most are the sexual intrusive thoughts. Ever since I was fifteen I was scared to be a phedophile... This thought was in my head everyday 24/7 ... After 4 years my parents told me it was best to talk a psychologist. I was talking to her for more than a year and this really helped. I was fine for more than three years with only small relapses. I have been babysitting as Well during that period which was fine ( the ocd was always with me but I could manage). But then Some weeks ago I was babysitting on my boyfriends nieces together with my boyfriend and then it started again... I just feel so bad right now... It is on my mind the whole day and even something small can make me feel worse... I am just so fed up with this ocd and I don't know how to go further... I know it is all in my head but it just feels so real...How can I ever be a normal parent knowing having these thoughts. At this moment it really feels Mike I ma attracted to little girls which I find so horryfying but at the same time this feels so real..

I hope I am not alone with this and that Somebody can relate..

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi all,

I'm 24 year old girl from Belgium suffering from ocd since I was about 15 years old.

I joined this forum because I recently had a relapse and I feel so bad and alone at this time allthough I have sweet parents, a Nice brother and a lovely boyfriend.

During my adulthood ,My ocd has had many different forms (scared to be sick and to vomit, scared to fall in love with someone else than the boy I love, scared that I want to cheat on my boyfriend,...) but the one from which I suffer the most are the sexual intrusive thoughts. Ever since I was fifteen I was scared to be a phedophile... This thought was in my head everyday 24/7 ... After 4 years my parents told me it was best to talk a psychologist. I was talking to her for more than a year and this really helped. I was fine for more than three years with only small relapses. I have been babysitting as Well during that period which was fine ( the ocd was always with me but I could manage). But then Some weeks ago I was babysitting on my boyfriends nieces together with my boyfriend and then it started again... I just feel so bad right now... It is on my mind the whole day and even something small can make me feel worse... I am just so fed up with this ocd and I don't know how to go further... I know it is all in my head but it just feels so real...How can I ever be a normal parent knowing having these thoughts. At this moment it really feels Mike I ma attracted to little girls which I find so horryfying but at the same time this feels so real..

I hope I am not alone with this and that Somebody can relate..

Salut Nicki,

It seems OCD witll use whatever is available - whatever your worst fears are. I think as paedophilia has been more and more highlighted in the western media, maybe more people with OCD are getting a fear of being a paedophile. I've had these thoughts too and it annoyes the hell out of me cos I know I am not like that in reality and I dont want it spoiling time with my nephews/nieces, which it tries to do. and while I fight it all as usual, it leaves me very tired.

And I gather there's been a lot of stuff about paedophilia in the Belgian news too so that's probably not helped you.

But we have to understand that if there wasn't this collective paranoia about paedophilia in our society, we most likely would not be haveing these doubts. If, say, the focus was on wanting to have sex with fruit(it's the best I could think of!) then I bet you any money we would be afraid of this and would think of this every time we walked past fruit. So we've got to appreciate it's got nothing to do with kids or fruit or whatever else our doubts are about, BUT it's got everything to do with the faulty wiring in the brain that makes us fixate on these things. Then we can work on therapy to try and fix the problem.

But you should constantly remind yourself that you have OCD, and that is it by virtue that you are not a paedophoile, and hate the thought of being a paedophile, that your OCD is seizing onto this theme in the first place. and that will hopefully help you when doing therapy to not longer respond with compulsions, and reduce the anxiety. I have to face this step as well.

Also from reading these forums I know that relapses are very common among people who have previously overcome OCD.

Sorry if I have told you stuff you already knew there, but I wanted to say soemthing because you sounded upset by it.

A bientot

David.

[Guest Sully]

Hi, I've not posted before on this site! I'm very mixed up just now. Many sexually intrusive thoughts, about being addicted to sex among other things.t's getting that I can't even look at women! quite a lot of domestic things, big debts, moving house, etc too. I'm an alcoholic and have been sober for 13.5 years. I'm going through a really stressful time recently and my OCD & depression is ruining my life. I take 40mg Fluoxetine & 50mg Trazadone, although just upped to 100mg Tra. It's first time I've seen someone speaking about sexual thoughts. It's distressing to say the least.

[PolarBear]

Sexual thoughts are fairly common in OCD. They can be very distressing and even debilitating.

To get on top of the OCD it is important to identify what compulsions you perform and work to resist/stop performing them. Let the thoughts be, don't try to fight them. They can't hurt you, they're just thoughts.