Those with contamination fears (of any kind) please will you read.

[Guest Tricia]

I'll try to keep this brief, so as not to bore you all, but I am very interested to learn whether my reaction is common or not. I know my current behaviour would have disgusted and terrified me (many years ago, when my fear was of germs, illness/death) so I apologize in advance for making some of you feel disgust.

If I am unable to wash my hands, I would rather lick a finger than leave it 'contaminated'. Containing the contamination within feels far better than leaving it on my skin.

I can eat food I feel is contaminated (due to split packaging etc) but only if I am outside. I could not contaminate my house with it, by eating it indoors.

I know I am not alone, but I would like to discover how common this very weird thought process is within OCD.

Please do reply, even if it's to say how disgusted you are!

Edited October 22, 2014 by Tricia

[LonelyOCD]

There is nothing to feel disgusted about. I do similar things actually. When I touch money I cannot touch anything else unless I washed my hands. The reason for this is not because of the germs but because the number of money I worked with means something. So I need to get rid of this or else the number will carry over and "contaminate" anything else I touch. Yet I don't always have access to a bathroom when I am out and realistically I need to touch other things after paying for something, like my phone. So in order to rid myself of the mental contamination I will lick my fingers or try to wet them in something, if that is possible.

I also will only keep certain activities in a certain place, however I can eat anywhere.

[Guest Annabel]

Hi Tricia,

Although I wouldn't do the licking thing because my fear is of contracting norovirus by becoming contaminated with it, your OCD makes as much sense as OCD generally does! It sounds like your OCD logic is that you want to keep 'contamination' away from your house so this is why you do the things you do

Edited October 22, 2014 by Annabel

[Guest nervous]

Hi Tricia, everybody who has ocd for awhile always has a complicated list of must do and must not do. but try and not make sense of these things, they are compulsions and it doesn't matter like any other compulsions the more you follow the rules the worse it will feel.

[Guest PaulM]

I've done the same thing. I would rather 'decontaminate' my finger than pass on the 'contamination'.

You know what's funny? It dawned on me a little while ago the compulsion and the process of decontaminating my finger is, in a way, an exposure if you change perspectives on it. I'm putting my contaminated finger IN MY MOUTH????

And guess what? I'm not sick. Well, other than having OCD, I'm not sick. It's OCD, not the perceived contaminants.

I'm still working on the home part. I still have areas that are clean zones, for lack of a better term. There's probably little difference between the clean and unclean zones if I can recognize this is all or nothing (black and white, or polarized) thinking along with a host of other cognitive distortions helping it seem like more than it is.

[Guest lizinlondon]

I am the same. I can put contaminated things in my mouth but not spread them to my possessions. It is like when I swallow it, it is gone. But the problem with spreading it to possessions or another part of me is that it will continue to persist there and bother me. It is a bit of a paradox.

[PolarBear]

Goes to show you how illogical OCD can be.

[Guest imalright]

Gosh....I think mine is off the scale lol

I couldn't bear the thought of putting anything I perceive as contaminated with my fear in my mouth. Nor can I cope with the thought of it on any of my possessions, hands, clothes.

I.E-In the past, if I have had an item of clothing hanging up in my wardrobe for a few weeks or months without wearing it....I'd throw it away using gloves in case it got contaminated with illegal drugs.

...............bahahahahaha!

Oh this illness - it makes me laugh sometimes :-D xx

[daisy]

I am the same I could put something contaminated in my mouth,but not have on my possessions.

My fear really is passing contamination on to others especially my son who is already ill anyway.

[Guest Tricia]

Thank you all so much for your very interesting replies!

The reason I asked, is because I have a written a book and, in one chapter, I have described impromptu therapy that was held at a large OCD conference. The group of about fifty people (all with contamination OCD) was asked to touch a certain contaminated object and about half of them (after tolerating it for a while) began licking their fingers! The other half (who mainly feared illness, like Annabel, (exactly how I was when younger) were expressing alarm and disgust at 'the finger lickers' (which I can fully understand - having been in both 'camps'!).

I was wondering if that 50/50 balance is fairly accurate in a wider group of people with contamination fears.

Yes, Polar Bear, it does indeed go to show how illogical OCD can be. However, being very aware of that does nothing to reduce my fear! Paradoxically, when my OCD made far more sense, I was able to overcome the obsession, quite prepared to take my chances regarding my health. (I don't mean to make it sound as though that's how it would be for everyone. Also, I reached a point where life was a living death and it was preferable, by then, to 'take my chances')

Hi Tricia, everybody who has ocd for awhile always has a complicated list of must do and must not do. but try and not make sense of these things, they are compulsions and it doesn't matter like any other compulsions the more you follow the rules the worse it will feel.

Yes, I know, and I have spent many months resisting all compulsions - after deliberately contaminating my home. It didn't help me, though. But, as I said, this thread was merely to estimate certain behaviour amongst those with contamination fears.

The public has this erroneous impression that we are all afraid of disease and will do anything we can to keep ourselves clean and germ-free. Often that is not the case; many of us are trying to keep our homes free of perceived contamination - or loved ones, but can become 'dirty' ourselves, as long as we don't spread it around.

Edited October 24, 2014 by Tricia

[Guest nervous]

Hi Tricia, I might be understanding you wrong but it sounds like you have transferred one obsession to another obsession from worrying about your house being clean to worrying about contaminating someone else. I went the other way around. When my ocd started I was working at a company that used hazardous material I used to worry about bringing home the contamination to my family. I used to imagine that even after leaving my work clothes in my car and a 1 hour shower I was still not clean, I used to even plan how to put down a large piece of plastic on the floor so I could lie on it and not contaminate the furniture. After I left that job my I assumed my OCD would just go away, it did not instead it continued to get worse. Now I finally could get clean but I worried about everything and everyone contaminating me. Before I used to worry about hugging my kids because I did not want them to get contaminated from me and after I left the job in a short time I became afraid anyone touching me unless I knew if they were clean. Obviously you can imagine what this does to your relationships.

OCD is very adaptable and does not give up its hold easy, I suspect that your way forward is to begin "spreading around" this perceived contamination.

[Guest Tricia]

Sorry, Nervous, you misunderstand my purpose for the thread. It really was meant just to be a survey.

Also, my obsessions haven't changed (not in 30 years). I still fret about my house just as much. I dread becoming 'contaminated' myself, purely because I don't feel I can become clean enough to prevent taking contamination home. However, ingesting dirt doesn't bother me.

I have already done all the ERP (and spread contamination everywhere - didn't help) and my obsessions (which are many) haven't changed. The childhood ones of over 50 years ago are long gone, however. Those ones made far more sense.

Sadly, I can imagine what not wanting anyone to touch you does to relationships. My husband, children and grandchildren have not touched me for 15 years. I 'allowed' my mum to hug me once last year and once this year, just before she died, but it was terrifying. I'm ashamed to say that and in tears as I write...so, so sorry, Mum. I hope you understand now.