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Any helpful advice to show my 9year old?


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Guest Lolly

Short end of story- couple of weeks ago my 9year old daughter said I feel like a weirdo. She explained she does actions a certain amount of times equally on each side. Particularly itching/stroking her face, tucking hair behind ears, circles around her wrists. I've noticed now that she does and it's quite often at various times. She has no idea why she does or why she started. She's even asked me to tell her to stop if I see her doing it but I can't as read it could make it worse.

We're going to see the doctor although I'm worried we'll be fobbed off as she's so young.

Just hoping for some advice for her really so she doesn't feel like she's the only one going through it.

Thankyou

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Seeking symmetry can be a symptom of OCD and children your daughter's age can certainly have OCD. That said, it is challenging to diagnose the disorder in children unless you are an expert. Children do not perceive the disorder the way adults do.

I wonder how much of a problem the situation is. Is it interfering with her daily life?

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Guest Lolly

Its something she is doing more and more. Im not sure about school although she said when she's playing or talking she doesnt think she does it. Observing her at home it happens randomly whether she's doing something else or not. She also did it in her sleep the other night.

We could only get a doctors for 19th so I will see what they say.

She seems genuinely concerned by it which is why I dont want to get told to wait as it may be a phase.

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Guest Lolly

Just to add she's also said tonite that when eating it has to be chewed equal times on each side. She seems more comfortable talking about it now which I hope is good.

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Guest OhThatCd

It's very good that you are talking openly with her, If it's dealt with earlier than later manifestations can be prevented. I didn't told my OCD to anyone until i'm 21 I had like when I was 10? A good therapist might me helpful also you can show her that even If she doesn't chew symmetric she might feel anxious but nothing actually bad will happen that being said such steps should be taken very very very tiny because a hight anxiety episode can make things much worse. Try sending her to Yoga or Meditation I believe it can help tremendously. Hope you daughter is well <3

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Lolly

Thank you for your replies.

The doctor has said she thinks she does have OCD and anxiety. We are waiting for a referral now.

However since seeing the doctor everything seems to have spiralled out of control. Her repetitive actions have increased and the anxiety is almost constant. She has issues with sleeping which is usually when her anxiousness peaks. We literally haven't slept for longer than 2hrs at a time.

I don't know if it's just coincidence or if actually having to talk about it all has made it worse. She was quite adamant that she wanted me to talk to the doctor but with her being nearly 10 the doctor made her say it alll.

She was able to say that the need to do the actions equally is because something bad might happen but didn't know what. She said like bad luck or something like if you walked under a ladder. And if she doesn't do it she feels panicky. Does that sound like a child's view of the need to complete the compulsions?

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Guest Lolly

She has always been an anxious child and has blown situations out of context but to be honest it just got rubbed off as a childs overactive imagination.

Bedtime has always been an unsettling time for her but no one would help just recommended sleep training like a baby.

Teachers have always called her a worrier one even termed her a drama queen!

The repetitive movements I cant say I noticed until she told me a few weeks ago. Before that she was a nail biter which she doesnt really do now.

She will touch her face/body in certain patterns, circles round her wrists/ankles, chews symmetrically, among others.

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Hi Lolly,

I'm sorry to hear what your daughter and the rest of the family are going through. My OCD kicked off big-style when I was 15, although now that I understand it better I can see traits of it in me from a much younger age.

I'm not sure whether this would be too young for your daughter, but there's a guide for children with OCD that you might find useful. Like I say, it may be a little bit young for her, but there might just be something in there that helps her. The link is: http://www.ocduk.org/childrens-ocd-guide

There's also a parents' guide which might be useful for you and other important adults in her life; the link to that one is http://www.ocduk.org/parents-guide-to-ocd

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Guest Lolly

Thank you northern star. Although it's aimed quite young I think it will help her as she's admitted she's scared as she doesn't understand what OCD is or what's going to happen. I've tried explaining but being new to it myself it's really hard.

She literally hasn't slept in over a week except for dozing off for about an hour then waking again and I'm sure it's the fear of the OCD affecting her already high anxiety levels.

I will get her to go through this tomorrow, much appreciated x

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You're more than welcome :)

Poor thing, going through this at such a young age. The good news, though, is that OCD is very treatable especially when addressed early on. Many sufferers wait years and years before accessing proper treatment and by that point it is more difficult to treat.

If you have any questions about OCD, its treatment, etc please do post. You have might seen there's a "family, friends and carers" forum also; whatever your query about OCD it's very likely someone on here will have wondered the same thing!!

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Guest bristolmum

Hi Lolly - I am having very similar issues with my 10 year old daughter (I posted on the Friends/Family section) re. symmetrical touching. At first, it just concerned my daughter doing it, but now it has got so much worse in that if I point with one hand, she gets unsettled, and even a person on tv scratching their right eyebrow, and she had to make me scratch my left eyebrow to even it up. It's so distressing to witness. My daughter seems to cope better at school, but bedtimes are now a nightmare and she has gone from getting 11 hours' sleep a night to just 8, so she is exhausted. I am sorry to hear that you/your daughter are getting so little sleep.

A bit mean of the GP to make your daughter talk about it. My daughter won't. It's a taboo subject and she does not want any health professional to know, nor her teachers.

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Guest Lolly

Hi bristolmum

It is a hard situation.

Does your daughter do the symmetry herself too as you mentioned making you do it. Can she explain how it feels when things aren't symmetrical? My daughter can only explain it as worried or anxious. My daughter doesn't include me in the need to do things the same each side etc but only to herself. She even does it in her sleep.

I've given up on sleep now as she wakes hourly, we're both exhausted although we did get our referral to cahms rushed through and have had our assessment appointment. We're now waiting for the outcome although they think it's her anxiety making it worse so she has calming exercises to do. She won't try them as she said 'I don't want to be changed by other people' She was also upset that they have mental health in the title and feels it's something to be ashamed of.

Have you been to your doctor?

Sorry for rambling but haven't been on here to update.

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You must be exhausted, lolly :(.

I'm not familiar with your home situation re who's there (apologies if you have posted it elsewhere and I've missed it) but I was thinking about the sleeping situation, particularly that you write you've given up on sleep now. If there's also your daughter's Dad / your partner at home, could you perhaps take "shifts" for guaranteed sleep / being available to be with your daughter in the night? What happens when she wakes, is she crying and needing comforting, is she waking you to ask for help, is it "simply" that you are so worried about her that stops you from sleeping? I wonder if in the short term maybe you could have a system where, say, if she wakes and needs help between 10pm and 2am you're the one who wakes up and goes to her, whilst your partner is allowed to sleep, then between 2am and 6am you swap roles, so that at least you are getting a little sleep, although of course this isn't a manageable situation for very long. Maybe you could discuss this with your daughter so that she knows that there will be somewhere there but that you all need sleep and so she needs to be careful whom she wakes at any time.

Reassurance is unhelpful in OCD but in the short term before she starts treatment, especially with her being so young, perhaps there is a place for a little bit of it; if it's general comfort that she seeks in the night then that's different; again, she will hopefully get to the point where she is sleeping through and doesn't need help in the night, but in the meantime maybe a routine where she knows she's not on her own with it but that she can't wake everyone up, will mean a bit of respite for you.

I don't know if that's any use; I just know that sleep deprivation on top of everything will make things that much harder to cope with.

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Guest bristolmum

Hi Lolly - my daughter's symmetry is one of her biggest issues. Typical stuff might be her picking something up and stretching to one side, then she needs to stretch to the other side to grab an invisible object, she taps on one side then the other, if her elbows banging on one thing, she has to bang them on the other side. When eating, she will have to bang her fork on the other side of the plate etc. It just doesn't stop. It has got worse because instead of just her doing it, she now get anxious if I do something that in her eyes is not symmetrical. I even had to drive round in a huge circle from school drop-off recently, as she needed to me to tap 3 times on the sofa with my left hand as I had apparently tapped it on with my right hand before I left the house that morning.

She will also grab my hand/fingers and make me touch her symmetrically in cases where I have touched her on one side of her body. My hugs have to be 'even' - ie. she gets stressed if I have given her a hug where one hand has touched her t-shirt, and the other hand has touched skin. It takes ages to get it 'right.

My daughter will not talk to medical professionals about it and like your daughter, the words 'mental health' upsets her. She is embarrassed by people knowing, that's why her OCD seems contained to the house, because she knows I understand it, but worries what other people will think about her doing it.

Let me know what happens with your daughter and if you find a treatment or therapy that works x

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Guest Charlotte

Hello :)

Bristolmum - I understand that your daughter finds it difficult to talk to anybody - it's scary and worrying for her. Would it be possible for you to talk to your GP about it without her? Have you told her about how other people (there are lots of us!) have this too and that it can get better? Maybe showing her the Jolly and Grump booklet could help (although it's a bit young for her).

There's a great book called Touch and Go Joe by Joe Wells - it might be a bit grown up for her but you could read out sections possibly? It was written by Joe when he was fifteen about his experiences of OCD and might help her to feel less alone.

Above all - you're doing a fab job. Both your daughters are so lucky to have you both as mums.

Lottie xx

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  • 1 month later...

So frustrated we have been seeing cahms a total of 3/4 sessions so far. Up until last week she has refused to do her exercises they suggested and there has been no real improvement. This week though she has really tried and made huge improvements going to bed and staying there (anxiety and separation issues). So at our session yesterday they have said that might be it for her now and sign her off after one last follow up. This has worried her and she has said she feels she still needs it. Am I within my right to ask for longer????

Also her repetitive touching and counting is being passed off as a habit despite it worsening when having to confront the anxiety with the cbt exercises. I'm so confused.....

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