Update and a question (from me? Surely not!!)

[Guest Saz]

Hope everyone is as well as can be expected.

Im day 4 into my sertraline and awaiting some cbt. Disappointed that I'm on them but I felt rotten. Dr asked me if I had any other obsessions and to be honest this is the main one so of course now I'm thinking this means something like its not a false memory.

Anyway I know we wouldn't have a disorder if it all didn't feel so real but how real can it feel? Let me explain...if we are indeed dealing with a false memory or intrusive thought can you actually feel things? So along with images their might be words/conversation/actions and you imagine how you would feel at the time?

Sorry if that seems confusing but I hope you get what I mean. This frightens me to the very core as you can imagine.

I sometimes think people aren't taking me seriously, like under estimating how bad it is what I'm saying. Or can they simply see what I cannot? X

[Ascend]

You've asked these questions before Sarah.

[Guest Saz]

Sorry x

[Guest legend]

Acceptance of ocd is one of major steps to recovery saz x

And thats what you have to work at, and what you are dealing with

Get comfortable with that its going to be uncomfortable for one to get better, and that comes with change, from you x

[Ascend]

As Legend said you need to find the strength to not ask these questions. They don't lead to a solution and will probably end up making you more anxious in the long run.

[Guest Saz]

Thank you both.

Just seem to have been hit with a wave of huge huge doubt moreso than ever these past couple weeks. Breaking out in sweats and thinking police gonna knock on my door. x

[gingerbreadgirl]

Still doing this saz, the same things over and over, what do you hope to gain? Has analysing got you anywhere so far? X

[Guest Saz]

Hi gingerbread, hope your well.

We posted at the same time. Just what I said above really. x

[gingerbreadgirl]

But you're going to have sweats and anxiety and thinking the police are coming and all the rest, if you keep throwing logs on that fire. You need to stop doing this, all this questioning and agonizing and analysing and pondering... This is exactly why you feel so bad. This is what we keep saying but you keep coming back posing the same questions. No one is in any way doubting how horrific your suffering is right now - but you have the key to put a stop to it x

[Ascend]

Let's get back on track now shall we?

Edited October 23, 2014 by Ascend

[Guest Saz]

What do you mean josh? As in me getting back on track to beat this? X

[taurean]

OCD operates from within our brains, it can make us apparently remember see feel smell completely false things that didn't happen - that is why you get sonsumed with doubt.

The only way forward IS to really take on board it can and is doing this - stand up to the thoughts/images - feel the anxiety but tell yourself its all false it never happened it is all OCD - ride that anxiety and trust your friends - as brainlock will tell/has told you, in die course the thoughts lose their power and tail off.I imagine the therapist will take this view too.

But you do need to buy into this Sarah, not keep going round and round and ending up at a real low. You need to learn from the people like GBG, PolarBear and OCD-Ireland who lost loads of time and experienced loads of distress until they accepted this and bought into this.

Hope the sertraline helps - I am intending to try it myself once we have stabilised my own situation.

[Guest Saz]

Thank you roy. I'll really try. I hope your doing ok.

Ginger it was more about under estimating how bad the thought is. X

[gingerbreadgirl]

I don't think anyone underestimates that x

[Binxy]

Nothing to add except my support. We're going through similarly tough times. Keep the faith, Saz.

Binx x

[Guest Saz]

Thank you binxy. Hope your feeling a little better.

X

[Guest jayjay89]

Hey saz,

I'm also not going to answer your questions, but I am going to say good on you for asking for support from your dr.

No one is underestimating how 'real your thoughts feel' on here, because we all understand where you are coming from. It's just that we know that reassuring you or debating it with you, isn't helping you, it's hurting you. And none of us want to do that

Good work, keep taking the pills, start resisting compulsions, you can do it

[Guest Saz]

Thank you jayjay x

[gingerbreadgirl]

I agree, you've done really well going to the doc. I think what I found is the thing to remember though is it's not a magic bullet, you will still have to do the same things such as accepting, living with uncertainty,resisting your compulsions and so on. Good luck x

[Guest Saz]

Hi ginger

I felt better going to the docs and knowing I was making a plan of action but now I just feel back to square one.

I tried to read over some of the valuable advice I've been given, especially by your good self, but it's not sinking in and why is that? I know why! I don't think anything will work because I'm obviously forcing away something thats real...that has to be what the issue is im sure of it. So what do you do when you think something bad is real? Confess to someone?

The thing is for this to be true I would of had to of been spiked and is this why everything is so blurry and confusing and distressing? But it's too late now to prove. This is what I meant when I said about the thought being under estimated

I hate myself for writing on here. I sound crackers. I feel so distressed.X

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Acceptance of ocd is one of major steps to recovery saz x

And thats what you have to work at, and what you are dealing with

Get comfortable with that its going to be uncomfortable for one to get better, and that comes with change, from you x

Hi Legend,

Do you mean, accepting that you have OCD?

How do you do that when you are constantly doubting that you do?

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi ginger

I felt better going to the docs and knowing I was making a plan of action but now I just feel back to square one.

I tried to read over some of the valuable advice I've been given, especially by your good self, but it's not sinking in and why is that? I know why! I don't think anything will work because I'm obviously forcing away something thats real...that has to be what the issue is im sure of it. So what do you do when you think something bad is real? Confess to someone?

The thing is for this to be true I would of had to of been spiked and is this why everything is so blurry and confusing and distressing? But it's too late now to prove. This is what I meant when I said about the thought being under estimated

I hate myself for writing on here. I sound crackers. I feel so distressed.X

I don't really know what else to say Saz.... nobody is doubting the distress you're in, but you have been given sound advice to deal with it time and time again and you just won't act on it. You consistently carry out compulsions over and over again, which is why you are in so much distress right now. Until you firmly and absolutely buy into what we're saying, you will continue to feel like this. It's as simple as that. I'm not meaning to sound harsh, I know exactly how awful you feel right now, but you need to put the work in. x

[Guest Saz]

You don't sound harsh its just im really worried incase its a real scenario x

[gingerbreadgirl]

I know you are, that's the nature of OCD. You have to do it regardless x

[Binxy]

Hang in there Saz. I know how you feel at the mo. Keep fighting