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When you are just plain ugly


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What about when its not BDD, people have pointed at me in the street and laughed, what about when you are just an affront to human eyes, what are you supposed to do then?

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Yeah, but who laughed?

Some people will do it to make you feel bad or because of the clothes you wear or the way you 'look' (not necessarily physical looks, just overall appearance) or 'just because it's funny'.

As someone who's spent a long time (we're talking years) analysing the various parts of his body & feeling ashamed to even look at himself naked, everyone is different, & has a different look, body type, personality, etc...

Just because society & media tries to push it's image of 'perfection' (whatever the heck that is?) doesn't mean anyone who falls outside of that 'image' is not attractive, because at the end of the day, that is what it is 'an image'.

Plus, when your feeling low & certainly with OCD, it will skewer your perception.

I'm pretty sure your fine just the way you are Phili :original:

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Random people...

I'm not fine, I'm ugly, ugly is ugly, its not like the people here who look normal and obese over thinking they are not, I'm just plain hideous

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That is the disorder talking Phili.

You derhaps imagine things, and give more meaning to what people are dloing than is probably correct. It's maybe partly the disorder, partly maybe the type of dysfunctional thinking called "mind-reading"

My wife does this with what people think - she always assumes the worst of them (catastrophises) , and "mind-reads" what she thinks people are thinking - but it's total fiction with no reality. I am working on this with her, and she is now beginning to respond, I am pleased to say.

.

Edited by taurean
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Random people...

I'm not fine, I'm ugly, ugly is ugly, its not like the people here who look normal and obese over thinking they are not, I'm just plain hideous

Yeah? Sorry, I'm not buying it. I've yet to meet anybody who is 'plain hideous'.

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My half niece who had anorexia for years thought she was fat, but she was as skinny as a skeleton - the disorder distorted reality - she thought she saw a fat girl in the mirror, but the oppositre was true and she was fading away with malnutrition because she wouldn't eat.

Eventually she agreed to obtaining treatment, is doing well now and even doing voluntary work for The Samaritans. She will also come to a restaurant with, and eat with, us.

Edited by taurean
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Hmmm, tbh Phili, the only humans I find to be physically hideous, is those (usually celebrities) who have had plastic surgery, I honestly don't know why they do it? It's repellent! I don't understand it? Katie Piper had to have it done after an acid attack, but she looks so pretty! Must be for attention :-/

So as lng as you're not in their club, I think you're okay :original:

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What about when its not BDD, people have pointed at me in the street and laughed, what about when you are just an affront to human eyes, what are you supposed to do then?

I am no oil painting, and I have teeth issues (because of my OCD) and this used to upset me when people would comment. I had name calling at school because of my looks and through the years I have had comments now and then.

It used to be upset me, but these days as I have got older I simply ignore such comments, and dismiss such people for people weak and pathetic people for having to result in such comments. My true friends are those who care about me, not because of my looks, but in despite of them.

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I really mean it when I say beauty and attractiveness have nothing to do with 'looks' - a mean spirit can make a supermodel ugly as sin, in my book. I have always found kind people to be the most attractive - looks really do mean nothing, they are based on nothing other than random collections of cells gathering in a particular way. What matters is how you treat people and what you do - and you are clearly a very kind and thoughtful and intelligent person. That's all that matters. People who laugh are just pathetic morons - it is a reflection on them, not you.

I also think self esteem plays a role here as well.

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A few years back, at this time of year, I noticed people staring at me as I walked around.

I rather foolishly thought it might be them finding me attractive, but eventually worked it out.

i have photochromatic lenses in my spectacles, so that they darken as the light increases, then clear again as light darkens. These are really good for me as I am very sensitive to light.

They obviously thought I was wearing sunglasses, or may be I was some kind of celebrity seeking anonymity maybe?

Seriously, I am with Ginger, looks are whatever we have. I don't like the mole on my forehead, my ears are too big. My hair, like my father's, went grey at a very early age. And I have always - until recently - been carrying a little too much weight around my paunch.

But none of this has meant i have failed in the sociability and confidence stakes; I soon learned to live with what, to me, were faults and distortions and get on with things.

And in my mind I look really old now, whereas people are constantly telling me i don't look old enough to be retired!!!!!!.

The right route for us is what Ashley and I did, accept what we are, stop mind-reading what we think other people reckon of us, and get on with day to day living.

What do I care for people who don't like me or my looks - I don't let it bother me one iota.

Edited by taurean
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What about when its not BDD, people have pointed at me in the street and laughed, what about when you are just an affront to human eyes, what are you supposed to do then?

Hey there Phili I'm very sorry to hear how you're feeling hun, I was going to say do you know exactly if those people were reallypointing at you& laughing? I'm not saying you were lying here at all trust me hun,but they may've really been looking at something else perhaps& it could understandably feel they were looking at you :original: .I do know how it is being a very long time sufferer of BDD myself,at school I had many people at the time making fun of my nose for e.g so I know how it does feel sadly.Trust me I'm sure you aren't hideous& or ugly,if you would like any help at all I'm always willing to try anytime you like through my experiences ok hun :original: .

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I really mean it when I say beauty and attractiveness have nothing to do with 'looks' - a mean spirit can make a supermodel ugly as sin, in my book.

I agree with this, I can remember when I was back in college, meeting a girl in my class, I didn't find her attractive at first, but the more I got to know her & like her, the more things I noticed about her which I found attractive.

Likewise, I've met girls throughout the years who I thought were physically attractive, but when I've got to know them & they have been nasty or arrogant, I've noticed things about them that I didn't find attractive.

I'd say just be yourself Phili, you come across as a lovely person, the people who really matter in this world will view you as such :original:

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  • 6 months later...

I hope I'm not butting in on this conversation too late but I can totally relate to the person who started this message. I think I'm hideous. My nose is too big, I'm fat (obese)I have an ugly face etc etc. I can't stand the way I look. I hate to even look in the mirror. I can't for the life of me see at any point anyone wanting to be with me. I've had people point and laugh at me and shout "fatty". I feel constantly rejected from people and I hate that I feel like I'm less of a person than everyone else. I really hate it and I wish I was someone else. That coupled with my OCD, GAD and MDD and I'm really not a catch...

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I really mean it when I say beauty and attractiveness have nothing to do with 'looks' - a mean spirit can make a supermodel ugly as sin, in my book. I have always found kind people to be the most attractive - looks really do mean nothing, they are based on nothing other than random collections of cells gathering in a particular way. What matters is how you treat people and what you do - and you are clearly a very kind and thoughtful and intelligent person. That's all that matters. People who laugh are just pathetic morons - it is a reflection on them, not you.

I really agree with this. Also everyone sees beauty differently.

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  • 2 months later...

Hi phili, everyone has part they don't like about their body, that doesn't mean they're ugly. I work in a shop, I see lots of different people everyday, I don't stop and think " omg that person is really ugly". I have some acne and a lot of redness due to acne cream. I won't leave the house without makeup. Sometimes I feel ugly, but no-one is truly ugly. The only way you can get past this is to learn to love yourself. If you love yourself, it won't bother you what people think.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hmmm, tbh Phili, the only humans I find to be physically hideous, is those (usually celebrities) who have had plastic surgery, I honestly don't know why they do it? It's repellent! I don't understand it? Katie Piper had to have it done after an acid attack, but she looks so pretty! Must be for attention :-/

So as lng as you're not in their club, I think you're okay :original:

Seriously??? I realise this post was nearly a year ago but your comments are dangerous and you should think before you publicly criticize what you so obviously dont understand.

so those who have willingly had plastic surgery are physically hideous and did it for attention??? Firstly i would like to remind you that you are on a BDD forum, and secondly i am a firm believer in karma.... what goes around come around.

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Roald Dahl- 'The Twits'. I can't quote him; I have no book, but, to paraphrase, those who think ugly thoughts, will always be ugly. Where as those that aren't perfect, who delight in the wellbeing of others, whilst never being thought of as traditionally beautiful, defy this and shine!

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Seriously??? I realise this post was nearly a year ago but your comments are dangerous and you should think before you publicly criticize what you so obviously dont understand.

so those who have willingly had plastic surgery are physically hideous and did it for attention??? Firstly i would like to remind you that you are on a BDD forum, and secondly i am a firm believer in karma.... what goes around come around.

#vile

Perhaps it was a bit short sighted of me, but it was done with the best of intentions & I didn't mean to cause offence.

As you mention, this is a forum & I don't believe I deserve the passive aggressive comment you directed at me at the end. If karma has anything left to dish at me then I am truly ****ed. But I wouldn't go out of my way to make anyone else feel awful.

Edited by Symps07
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