Long time no see!

[Guest heartplace]

So where do I begin...

My OCD hasn't gotten much better. Since I started Fluoxetine I'm going through the same SSRI-induced apathy I went though when on Paroxetine. My creative abilities are a bit more dull compared to when I'm not feeling apathetic. My obsessions and compulsions are still there, but not as strongly as before...most of the time, anyway. My worst obsessions right now are religious in theme.

My depression is back really badly, even though I'm still taking antidepressants. I don't see a therapist right now, but I'm going to be getting a new one soon. I still haven't recovered fully from the last therapist visit I had!

I also just found out that my initial visit with a psychiatrist when I was a teenager wasn't documented, so I'm not officially diagnosed with OCD. So now I have to retrace my steps, basically play dumb to whatever new psychiatrist I get, and be re-evaluated.

To sum it up, right now I feel like I'm separated form the rest of humanity by a glass wall. Like I'm just observing others. Like no one understands me, and that no matter how hard I try to get them to understand the severity of my problems, and no matter how much they say they understand, I just don't feel like I'm being heard like I need to be.

Everything feels like a blur right now. So many doubts about things I worry I might have done in the past, and I'm not even sure I did them. I know it's pointless trying to find out, but it still bothers me. I'm also very unsure about my future. And I just get these unexplainable feelings of hopelessness, that nothing is going to get better. It's like I'm stuck in a dark void a lot of the time. Depersonalization and derealization aren't making things any better either.

I'm not ALWAYS this bad feeling, it comes and goes. I have my better days and my horrible days. I plan on asking my doctor to put me on an antidepressant that isn't an SSRI. I can't deal with this apathy anymore.

[felix4]

My depression is back really badly, even though I'm still taking antidepressants. I don't see a therapist right now, but I'm going to be getting a new one soon. I still haven't recovered fully from the last therapist visit I had!

Hi Heartplace, it is good to see you again, but sorry to see you are struggling.

Antidepressants are strange things aren't they? I have also questioned how I could still be depressed being on them, but I put this down to being on them long term, apathy, & being on higher than recommended doses for depression, in order to treat OCD. Even then, I have found they only really serve to take the 'edge' off of OCD.

Are there no support groups local to you for depression/OCD, where you can be with others that understand?

x

[Guest heartplace]

Hi Heartplace, it is good to see you again, but sorry to see you are struggling.

Antidepressants are strange things aren't they? I have also questioned how I could still be depressed being on them, but I put this down to being on them long term, apathy, & being on higher than recommended doses for depression, in order to treat OCD. Even then, I have found they only really serve to take the 'edge' off of OCD.

Are there no support groups local to you for depression/OCD, where you can be with others that understand?

x

Good to see you again too!

They really are. I don't like the effect SSRIs give me in particular. I do still feel very depressed while on them, but I have noticed that I'm even worse feeling without them. The strongest point in depression for me seems to be guilt, along with hopelessness. The guilt from my depression seems to interact with the OCD guilt and it's not a pleasant experience!

I don't know of any support groups so far, but there's a friend of mine who happens to have OCD who I could probably become closer friends with and talk to more. On top of that she also has BDD, depression, Bipolar Disorder, etc. Compared to her my situation sounds so easy to deal with, but I digress.