Guest Eiko Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) Hi I have just been diagnosed though I have been suffering for a while. I have had symptoms as long as I can remember and have been through the mill with mental illness. I was anorexic when I was twelve and that was the beginning of a long ride. I functioned fairly well as a teenager and young adult, though I had a lot of anxiety. At 22 I started having suicidal thoughts and gestures and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. I was hospitalized more times than I can count until 2010 when everything got a lot better in respect to the suicidality. At the same time, my anxiety changed and worsened somewhat. Over the past five years, anxiety has turned to OCD. My OCD centres around the health and safety of my dogs, with an emphasis on them eating something poisonous. Last April my dog Pippin went through a period where he would scream and become crippled and he was diagnosed with a herniated disc for which I can't afford the surgery. A few months later my other dog, Hope was diagnosed with cancer. She had surgery and it has not reoccurred. Pippin is on a cocktail of anti inflammatories and pain killers which are affecting his liver, but he hasn't had a pain episode since October. I think my core fear is that I will lose my mind when they die. I live alone and don't have a partner or children so they are the most important beings in my life next to my parents who I also fear losing. My parents are 70 and my dogs are 14. It is not unreasonable to think that I will lose them but what is unreasonable is the amount of time I spend thinking about it. Tonight before I left for work, Pippin ate something off the street. It took everything I had not to cancel my students so I could stay home and watch him for signs of poisoning. I have stopped walking my dogs outside of our yard because I'm afraid of them eating garbage on the street. I clean obsessively only with vinegar so they don't get poisoned by something on the floor. I worry any time I can't see them and know exactly what they are doing. It is hard to leave the house. Tomorrow I will be working all day and my dogs will be at my parents. It is gonna be hell wondering what my parents are putting my dogs at risk with. I don't seem to be able to trust anyone to check on my dogs and it affects my relationships cuz I inadvertently insult people who offer help. Sorry this is so long. It really helped me to write this. Thank you for reading and I hope you reply. Glad to be here. Edited February 28, 2015 by Eiko Link to comment
taurean Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) Eiko see my behavioural experiments - theory A v theory B thread. I think it will help you see how OCD is exaggerating the risk and multiplying your fear. Edited February 28, 2015 by taurean Link to comment
taurean Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) Scroll down the topics you will find the topic posted I think a couple of days ago by me in the main support forum. Also check out how to set up notification alerts in the forum support forum. Edited March 1, 2015 by taurean Link to comment
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