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anxious about illness?


Guest silverlight

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Guest silverlight

My mom has fever blisters occasionally and I just saw her sharing her food with my toddler. Should I be worried? She doesn't have one right now.

I felt paralyzed on what to do. I did nothing for fear of hurting her feelings but now I feel badly like I'm not willing to do what it takes to protect my kids, again.

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I was wondering the same thing, Handy!

I'm guessing maybe a cold sore.

A similar thing happened to me with a neighbour when my son was two (only she had a sore at the time). I felt so guilty afterwards for not speaking out and stopping her. As your mom didn't have a blister at the time I think it's unlikely to pose a problem.

They are contagious and it is wise to avoid direct contact when a person has a cold sore.

However, half the world seems to suffer them (I do and my mother did) and few of us seem to come to any harm. Incidentally, my son never did develop them.

Edited by Tricia
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They are contagious and it is wise to avoid direct contact when a person has a cold sore.

That's the important bit to remember, "When" As Silverlight mentions above her Mum doesn't have one now so it's safe to assume that this is an OCD driven fear

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Guest silverlight

I do see a similarity, PolarBear. My OCD lately is definitely revolving over my ability to be a good parent, and I keep questioning what all this says about my character. No evidence of a threat, just a "What if" which I know is OCD based doubting. Blahhhhhhh

And yes, a cold sore is what I was referring to! I am glad to know I am not the only one who has ever done this, Tricia. Thank you guys for your replies.

Right now I am having a bit of an anxiety spell because my husband has decided to separate from me about a week ago. He came to drop my daughter off and before he left I gave him a quick peck on the lips because I do love him and miss him. I've been scared all week he's having an affair because he has before and it usually happens very quickly, so now I am sitting here, feeling sick, like I should wash my mouth out with soap, arguing against myself in my head, saying if I caught anything from him, soap won't help, nor brushing my teeth. I feel awful because I am still nursing my son. Feeling like I just need to wean him because I can't take this double responsibility I feel over my body being able to hurt his.

Edited by silverlight
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Guest silverlight

I really need some advice guys when you're in the middle of something like this, it feels so real, it's those raging realities that there really always is a chance that this stuff could be true. I am driving myself to despair with this I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like I just didn't want to wash my mouth out with soap, which is true, so again, I didn't take the precaution, I didn't perform the compulsion and I feel downright lousy for not doing it. Not because I was trying to fight OCD, but out of sheer laziness. I do try to reason with myself during this but there is no ability to reason, the anxiety is so high there is no telling myself it's just OCD and to just sit with the anxiety till it passes. In my mind I'm thinking "Okay, I just kissed him, he could be cheating on me, I could be sick now. I can get the baby sick, what are my options? Well, I could wash my mouth out with soap. Yuck I really don't want to do that and it would be embarrassing." Then the baby starts to cry he is wanting to be nursed then full freak out mode starts "can this be passed through breast milk?" I don't even bother looking online I just tell myself breast milk usually is best thing for babies despite what's going on with the mother, so I feed him and now I feel like absolute trash.

Edited by silverlight
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It's all getting wound up tighter and tighter because you are doing compulsions. You are no doubt ruminating over this, going over it in your mind, analyzing all the possibilities, looking at all your options. That's one big compulsion and it's only making things worse for you. You need to stop doing it and leave this whole matter alone.

Thinking that you should have washed your mouth out with soap and debating breast feeding your boy are way overboard. You are exhibiting signs of being hyper-responsible and your sense of danger is most definitely overblown.

Refuse to get drawn into thinking about this. Leave it alone. Stop thinking about possibilities and things you should do. What you need to do is get on with your normal day and ignore the thoughts about this.

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Guest silverlight

I can see looking back its all OCD type behavior, black and white thinking it's just usually people with OCD in the midst of anxiety follow through with compulsions because they feel their fears are real. So what's wrong with me? Do I really not care enough about my kids to do that? Even if the fears are irrational, they feel real and I still choose not to act.

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But you are doing compulsions. You're going over this again and again. You won't leave it alone.

Now you're concerned that you didn't 'do' something when you should have but in this case there was nothing you should have done. Zip. Nada. Nothing. You shouldn't have done anything and you didn't.

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That's the important bit to remember, "When" As Silverlight mentions above her Mum doesn't have one now so it's safe to assume that this is an OCD driven fear

My mother never kissed me when she had a cold sore (or at any other time, come to that!) or shared food with me, but I still developed them. From what I've read most of us carry the virus and it can be passed on through saliva, even when a person doesn't have a cold sore. But, the thing to remember is that there are risks everywhere and we just can't avoid them all.

Silverlight, clearly you care greatly for your children and it is very hard for many parents to strike the right balance (minimizing risk while allowing their children a normal childhood) and almost impossible for those of us with this kind of OCD.

I was lucky in that my fear of germs struck when I was a child and when I decided to stop all compulsions I only felt it was my health I was jeopardizing. But I became far more healthy when I stopped all the hand washing etc and 'mixed' with germs! Children need to build up a resistance, as there is no way of avoiding all germs anyway. If we avoid them as much as possible one will come along eventually and hit us much harder.

The best thing any parent can do for their child's health is to give them nutritious food and avoid sugary drinks etc. That is our best defence against illness (and don't forget that a little sunshine is good, too!).

I have at times mentioned my 'adoptive' mother on here. She lived her whole life with the worst kind of hygiene imaginable (in the western world, at least!) She raised her son like this and I don't think either of them ever had a day's illness. Sadly my 'mother' died last year but she was almost 100, and had been incredibly fit and active until the end. She rarely washed her hands (would go days without, and might take a bath once a year!) and she didn't wash dinner plates either. The glass that she drank milk from was thick with mould. She had stray cats throughout the house that were never de-fleaed or de-wormed. She raised her son this way and although I wouldn't want to advise anyone to do the same, she and he are good examples of what the body can tolerate - and even thrive on!

She was probably the happiest lady I've ever known. Her sister was the opposite and was very hygiene conscious. She was frequently ill and died at a relatively young age. My 'mum's' nephew was often ill and suffered asthma and allergies. His doctors believed his immune system had suffered due to too clean an environment.

I was not raised by my other lovely mum, but I have wondered whether my germ phobia would still have been the same. If it had, I am convinced that social services and the child psychiatrist I saw would have blamed my environment. As it was, my real mum had her home inspected and the social services and psychiatrist were mystified that a child could develop such a terror of germs in a perfectly clean home.

Edited by Tricia
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Its herpes. So use common sense, don't share utensils, towels, dishes, etc. During an active lesion. Plus, no kissing.

Anyone with herpes should also inform others that they have an active blister. Its rude to give others viruses.

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