Almost funny.... but so OCD... thoughts?

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

Hey guys, I am new to the forum - I'm Jess. I was diagnosed with OCD years ago. What I am doing here is a reassurance check just to get me to the counseling appointment I have coming up in 2 weeks (it's been a long wait to get in).

I have heard of OCD that revolves around the fear of committing infidelity or a partner committing infidelity - as "cheating" OCD. Does this sound like an episode of this to you? I am not married but in a serious relationship. We've been together months and sometime earlier November I had a thought....did I send an inappropriate pic to another guy? So of course the thought freaked me out and I started obsessing over this to the point where I gave the thought so much power I could think of nothing else. So the guy that came to mind first that I thought I might have sent the pic to... I texted him and asked him if I've ever sent him a pic and he said no (not caring at all about how weird that might have sounded to him because I was just in a reassurance-seeking moment and needed to relieve anxiety). He said no MANY times. But then I just kept thinking of more people from my past and "what if" I did... so I texted two more people and they said no as well to the pic thing. This is almost funny typing it out but the anxiety in the moment is just SO REAL.. as if I did something wrong or something that my boyfriend would be so hurt by. And I can't stand the thought of hurting him. So I guess what I am asking - does this sound like an OCD episode? I always think if worse came to worst... I could always confess to him that I did that--- but then that's not good because I am confessing to something I most likely didn't even do and who does that?! Sigh. Thank you guys. These forums are so amazing.

[PolarBear]

Hi Jess. Welcome to the forum.

Believe it or not, you asking if it sounds like OCD is actually a type of reassurance seeking, which is a compulsion. It's okay though. You're just starting out, haven't been to a therapist yet.

Yes, it sounds like OCD to me. The intrusive thought (obsession) is that you sent an inappropriate picture to someone. In response you performed compulsions, notably seeking reassurance by contacting people you know to see if they had received such a picture. You should also know that confessing is a well known compulsion. You don't want to go down that road; it causes all sorts of problems.

Even before you get to therapy you can start to work on your compulsions. You can't directly stop the intrusive thoughts but you can stop compulsions. We think we need to do compulsions to feel safer, to be more sure, but they never help things. All they do is draw attention to the intrusive thoughts, making them come more frequently and stronger. Stopping compulsions is the way to go. You can work on not texting or contacting any more people about pictures. You can stop yourself from confessing. Another compulsion that you are no doubt performing is ruminating -- going over the intrusive thoughts in your mind, again and again. These are all things you can start working on right now.

Take care.

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

Polarbear,

Thank you for your response. I didn't realize that confessing is actually a compulsion and hearing you say that makes me think of other things I've confessed or almost confessed that are actually compulsions. This is just false guilt, right? I did nothing wrong?

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

Polarbear,

Thank you for your response. I didn't realize that confessing is actually a compulsion and hearing you say that makes me think of other things I've confessed or almost confessed that are actually compulsions. This is just false guilt, right? I did nothing wrong?

[PolarBear]

Now you're asking for reassurance. "I did nothing wrong?" The funny thing about reassurance as a compulsion: it doesn't work. You might feel temporarily better with a positive answer but soon enough, because you have OCD, doubt will seep back in and soon enough you'll be wanting to seek reassurance from someone else.

Trust that this is OCD at play. Let the doubt come and do nothing about it. Leave it alone. When the thoughts come, leave them alone too. They're just thoughts. They don't mean anything. The less you do about the thoughts the better.

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

How do you trust that it is OCD though and not something bad that you have done?

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

How do you trust that it is OCD though and not something bad that you have done?

[PolarBear]

How do you trust that it is OCD though and not something bad that you have done?

Well that's the $64,000 question! There are some clues. You never had any evidence that you sent a picture. It's not like someone came up to you and said something about a picture you sent. The 'thought' of a picture just popped into your head. That's one clue. The other thing is that you promptly started performing compulsions. Without any evidence of wrongdoing, you started asking people if you had sent a picture to them. That's another clue.

We see this sort of thing all the time with OCD. The disorder latches onto something insignificant and blows its importance all out of proportion. People get stuck on it, end up doing lots of compulsions including ruminating, and it becomes a bigger and bigger deal.

You have to take a leap of faith that this is all OCD and that the initial problem (the thought that you did something inappropriate) was just a random thought that popped up in your head. The other thing is this: so what if you did send a picture to someone. What exactly are you going to do if it does end up true? There's basically nothing you can do. I suspect in the back of your mind you're thinking that in that case you need to punish yourself for doing something bad. We see that a lot too. But right now you're probably thinking about punishing yourself, even though you have no evidence (and I believe you never will) that anything happened.

Your best move is to put this behind you. Ignore it. When the thoughts pop up, just leave them alone. Refuse to ruminate over it, going over it in your head again and again, analyzing what ifs. Just get on with your day and refuse to get drawn into what at the end of the day is going to end up being a made up, intrusive thought.

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

Thank you!!! That response was helpful. I just get so upset at the thought of doing something that could ever be thought of as cheating or infidelity of any kind.

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

Let's say the roles were reversed and I found out my bf sent a pic like that to someone months ago - but hasn't continued. I could forgive that but for some reason have a hard time cutting myself the same break - does that make sense .

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

That's saying if the intrusive thought were real.

[PolarBear]

Let's say the roles were reversed and I found out my bf sent a pic like that to someone months ago - but hasn't continued. I could forgive that but for some reason have a hard time cutting myself the same break - does that make sense .

Oh we people with OCD hold ourselves up to a much higher standard than we expect from others. We see this all the time, where sufferers feel its justified to punish themselves for doing something (even when they don't have evidence they have done something) when they would let their significant other off the hook for doing the same thing.

So what are you going to do?

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

I keep going back to how ridiculous it is to confess to something you're not sure you did. In the back of my mind I am thinking it would make me "feel" better, but then again, this is just a perfect example of why we can't live just based on our feelings. They can be so inaccurate. I had an obsession several years ago when I was still in college that lasted a good year. When I stopped doing compulsions though, eventually it faded. I am thinking the same will happen here. When I stop giving it power it will stop powering over me.

[PolarBear]

Precisely.

[Guest Lovetopaint07]

PolarBear,

Thanks for your responses in all of that! Is there any trick you have found that works if thoughts come up?

[PolarBear]

Just ignore them. They don't mean anything. They are just random noise from your brain. The less you do in response to the thoughts the better.