Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'm not sure what made me think of this and I'm so ashamed to talk about it. A good 10 years ago my partner left me for a younger girl. I was devastated and left as a single parent. I don't drink at all now but this particular night if had a bad week falling out with my ex over house etc and my parents offered to babysit. I can't remember if I was on tablets at this time or not but basically I drank so so much and ended up inviting myself back to a party with 2 men 1 of whom I went to school with but didn't know well. I was in such a bad bad place it turns my stomach to think of it. We carried on drinking through night and it's fair to say I was in a terrible state. The guy I knew went to bed and I'm not sure after how long but later on I followed him up and got in bed with him clothed! I could cry at the thought. I'm worrying because what if I tried it on with him. He was asleep when I went upstairs and I can't remember things. I'm so scared and utterly disgusted in myself. I'm frightened. Link to comment
Guest PalaeontologyLover Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Don't get into a thing where you imagine memories. The likelihood is you just fell asleep, don't ruminate on it anymore Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'm terrified what if I tried to kiss him or something that's so wrong I can't cope Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Hi liberty I can really identify with this, I've had an almost identical obsession before. The fear is overwhelming, I know, but you know how OCD can do this to us. The key is to resist the urge to do anything with the thought - don't analyse, don't try to remember, don't look for reassurance, don't ruminate. Just let it sit there. Eventually the anxiety will fade x Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 If a guy got in bed with a sleeping girl there would be uproar I can't stop crying Link to comment
Guest imalright Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Nothing to be concerned about here - its just your OCD that's making a big deal of it xx Link to comment
Guest imalright Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I am only irrational when it comes to my own OCD/fear....aren't we all?! :-D ..so I can see yours from a rational point of view. It's really nothing to be concerned about here - nothing to be alarmed about at all. This is classic OCD being a bully xxx Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I know it's a cr*ppy illness. It really hits us where it hurts. The thing is your OCD has seized on an area of uncertainty - it sees some gaps in your memory and jumps to fill them in in the worst possible way. Because there is uncertainty, the panic button is going off in your brain making you feel overwhelming terror and a desperate need to know what to do to put it right. OCD has enormous power and you're stuck in its clutches right now. The best thing you can do right now is really try hard to turn your attention to something else - watching tv or anything that takes your mind off it, even if only slightly x Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 I need to tell my partner. I can't live with myself now. I Can't cope. He won't want me when he knows how I behaved it's revoluting. How can you not see this is so wrong. I should contact the guy involved and ask it's the only way. I'm not even sure if he had girlfriend Link to comment
Guest imalright Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 How can I not see this is so wrong? Because my OCD isn't around your fear so I am able to have a rational approach to it. ......how many people have got drunk and found themselves in a tricky situation as a result of it...?think about Uni days! After office parties? Etc etc. You have learned a lesson here - to perhaps make sure you're safe if you're ever in a vulnerable position again. But there is no need to worry about it at all. Confessing isn't helpful. Neither is finding the guy - he wont give it a single second of a thought x Link to comment
carlleo123 Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Liberty, look your ocd is in overdrive. It's weird as when someone else has a different form of ocd you can look at it with more perspective I think. So let me tell you, I can look back on things I've done when I've been drunk and I cringe with embarrassment and wish I hadn't have done them, we all have. As time goes on I come to realise it was a daft thing to do and moved on, and that's what you need to do, don't confess don't ring the guy either, that's your ocd talking, just try to move on, try to do something else so your not engaging with th thoughts. Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 I can't think clearly. I don't think it's fair on my current partner not to tell him what sort of person I am. What kind of person try's to kiss a drunk man when asleep. I'm so sorry to keep on but it's got me I can't forgive myself. If my children behaved like this I would be mortified Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 But you don't even know that's what happened - you have absolutely no evidence at all, and yet your OCD has decided it happened anyway. Resist the urge to confess, or do anything. Just do something to take your mind off it until you can think more clearly. Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 But I'm quite certain I did try to kiss him Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Ok well maybe you did - does anyone here find it a big deal? It's your OCD making a huge mountain out of a molehill.it's in the past, it's done with - don't give in to OCD's crazy demands x Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'm frightened my partner will leave me but feel need to be honest and even more worrying the guy involved might decide to report it at some point then I don't know what will happen to me. I'm sorry to go in but I can't cope I'm shaking again trying to write this Link to comment
Guest legend Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Rubber stamp this as a ocd issue liberty and work at implementing CBT No amount of reassurance or any form of compulsion is going to make it any better long term Link to comment
Guest imalright Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 What kind of person try's to kiss a drunk man when asleep Meeeee! Albeit in my younger days and also when in drink. However, as previous poster said - you just shake it off and try not to go there again Link to comment
Guest imalright Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Ok well maybe you did - does anyone here find it a big deal? It's your OCD making a huge mountain out of a molehill.it's in the past, it's done with - don't give in to OCD's crazy demands x Absolutely Think of all the millions of people who have also found themselves in a tricky situation like this....they're able to just brush that off and carry on. You can't because of OCD - that's all it is x Link to comment
PolarBear Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Hallmark OCD. Compulsions coming out. You are confessing on here, repeatedly. You are obviously going over this in your head, round and round. That's ruminating. You are considering confessing to your partner, another compulsion. Treat it as OCD and resist those compulsions. You are making the situation worse at the moment. Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 Thank you for the comments I really appreciate them however. The normal part of me still finds this hurrendous and not something that should be brushed under carpet. I do remember trying to kiss the guy and I'm utterly ashamed by what happened. I feel like some kind of sexual preditor and it really is not in my nature to behave like that. I had even smoked that night again something I detest I just can't believe it the more I think of it. I Understand I was in a state etc etc and given the situation at that time I see how and why and forgive myself for getting like that but I can't forgive myself for trying it on with s drunk guy it's utterly despicable, he must have felt completely violated. Link to comment
Guest legend Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 2 choices , do the indulgence of ocd , or take leaps of faith and change the responses to it livery ? Link to comment
Guest Pure obsessional Laura Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Liberty I don't think what you may or may not have done as a bad thing at all. It doesn't make you a bad person and you don't have to confess anything. You have OCD and it is making you feel like this. Not one person here thinks one bad thing about you, trust us that it's your OCD being a bully and trying to make you feel bad. Don't let it win x Link to comment
Running Lover Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'm physically shaking just had a bath to try and calm myself down felt like I was going to collapse. I'm struggling breathing too. To make it worse I'm in charge at work at the moment so if I call up sick I will be in trouble. I don't know what to do Link to comment
Guest Pure obsessional Laura Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 It doesn't seem like it but your body will cope. Concentrate on taking slow deep breaths, breathing in, holding it for 3 seconds then hiss it out. Once you change your breathing the anxiety will become less intense. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now