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Is this progress?


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Hi Everyone.

I've been on my new meds for around 3- 4 weeks now, and I do feel like my mood has been better.

I feel like when I do have my panics, the duration of them feel less, which is good.

I still feel like I have a kind of major one though every few days that knocks me a bit.

Today, it's all about having an upset stomach and I'm at work, and I'm worried because I kept wiping with toilet paper, and it was still marked a bit so matter how much I was wiping.

I'm sat back down at my desk and I guess I'm paranoid now about poo being on my underwear and jeans, getting onto the seat, then I have the doctors after work, and right now I feel too scared to sit down in the doctors office incase I do have a stain on my underwear thats transferring.

Part of me wants to stay standing up but I also can see that this is avoidance.

I also know I should fight my fear and do it, but I dont feel prepared to risk it today.

Sometimes I feel progress because I understand my OCD more, but then when I feel like this I feel like I can't reason with myself :(

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Your right I think I do try and logic my way through it sometimes.

I'm just sitting with it at the moment, but if I had my way I'd cancel the doctors, but I need to go for my prescription.

I just don't feel like I'm handling it well today, and I'm aware of that, but I still can't shake off the feeling of my germs hurting other people that sit down? :(

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Gemzi I used to have this a lot - did a lot of avoidance stuff, a lot of standing up and a lot of sitting on towels, coats, jumpers and wearing multiple pairs of pants!!....However, I felt that even though avoiding in this way, i was at least going to work, going to appointments rather than staying at home which was the alternative at the time.

Eventually I got over this and am fine about using the loo and then sitting where others will sit after.......occasional thoughts - but generally not even that - it doesn't usually even cross my mind

It sounds as if your meds are helping - give it a bit more time and maybe these fears will lessen for you - especially if you can risk sitting as often as you feel able.

Good luck!

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Thats actually the kind of things I've been doing!

Sitting on jackets etc...

I should have stopped myself but when I went back to the loo I used the last bit of toilet roll, there are are other rolls on the back shelf but i had to use one and worried about germs so have put it in my bag and took it with me like I'm protecting other people.

I feel like I'm really giving into the compulsions today I just want to go home but I'm nervous about sitting in my car and then going to the doctors it feels too much :(

I'm worried about the germs on my car seat when I sit on it :(

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Yes I used to worry about germs in my car too from my bottom which, my psychologist suggested, was probably the cleanest in Devon!!

Just keep doing what you can. Take the risk when you can and it should get easier. It won't change overnight but one day, you will suddenly realise that when you sat down at work or wherever, you didn't give your bottom a thought!!

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This is true I shouldn't call it a risk :(

I just feel so scared now sitting in my office chair :(

I hate this so much sometimes I feel in control then other times I dont get a good handle on it at all :(

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Thats actually the kind of things I've been doing!

Sitting on jackets etc...

I should have stopped myself but when I went back to the loo I used the last bit of toilet roll, there are are other rolls on the back shelf but i had to use one and worried about germs so have put it in my bag and took it with me like I'm protecting other people.

I feel like I'm really giving into the compulsions today I just want to go home but I'm nervous about sitting in my car and then going to the doctors it feels too much :(

I'm worried about the germs on my car seat when I sit on it :(

I think you're making progress Gemzi. You're beginning to recognise your compulsions and perhaps managing to take a look at the bigger picture.

It used to be all about the obsessions and the immediate consequences of your actions.

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Guest jayjay89

It's up and down until you can fully resist compulsions and your ocd gets beaten back. That's normal, just roll with the punches and keep trying :)

I licked a rubbish bin the other week, this morning I had to think twice about hugging my friend... Lol

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So true

I do recognise it more, sometimes I feel ready to tackle things then other times I find it much tougher.

I guess I worry about my car seat because that's something I have to deal with everyday, so I don't know how I can prevent myself worrying that the germs when I went to the loo arent going to go on my car seat :-(

i kept wiping and there was still marks :(

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Back from the docs. The doctor was amazing. I had a mini meltdown and wouldnt even sit down.

He was super nice and made me feel comfortable.

I feel extra on edge, he has prescribed me my medication - but I spilled strawberry milkshake in my car and my car still feels sticky.

I'm worried because now when I give the pharmist my prescription what if someone who touches it is allergic to milk or strawberries?

I feel like I cant even get my tablets now

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Having a bad day.

Poured water from the tap - it was all white and cloudy then settled.

Read online not to use a dishwasher when this happenes

But i already put the disherwasher on, took a bowl out and am about to eat soup

worried its dangerous

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well there you go

i took a bowl straightout the dishwasher (didnt rinse it) put it straight in the mircowave

took a spoon out the drawer (had watermark bubbles on iy but didnt rinse it)

and ate the soup.

obviously i think it tasted funny but i did it.

I'm freaking out incase everything in my dishwasher is now unsantisied

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Gemzi, I'm so very proud of you!

Just the language you used in this thread shows that you are making strides forward. You're sounding more positive and more in charge. You had some hiccups along the way but that's okay. They happen. You'll even fall down sometimes. That's okay. You just get back up and keep on carrying on.

You are obviously moving forward. You sound much more assertive and in control than you ever have.

Keep moving forward!

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This is one of main worries and i have now got over the fact that it does not matter where it goes. I have 2 small girls and i think i make them ill because of this happening and it does not help that they are both ill at the moment but i have accepted the fact that is not me, Neither will it be you that makes them ill. People and kids get sick it is just life but it is nothing we have done or will do that makes them ill it is just the ocd playing tricks and trying to be clever. I have now recognised that and focus my attention on more interesting things to take my mind of this and you are doing great so keep going, You can beat this horrible illness x

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