Alone, abroad and a little fraught

[Guest Soldiering on]

Hi

Currently in South America on a six week holiday and I need some support,

which is very tricky.

I've been travelling with my girlfriend and her brother and we've visited some truly amazing

places in Argentina, Bolivia and Peru. I've contested with various **** from my OCD, initially

a repeated sexual pure O worry and A LOT of agoraphobia around waterfalls, cliffs, open spaces (google Bolivia's Salt Flats, they're off the scale for someone afraid of open spaces.)

and the like.

But I've come through, massively aided by my GF and there's very little I've avoided.

I even gave the OCD voice a 'name', a ridiculous one, as per the advice of a really cool guy we travelled with for a few days. He had a big background in Psychology and his presence helped me a lot.

My worries began to abate and the 'determination' of the OCD to spoil the trip began to falter.

I relaxed a little, shared Facebook pics and began to feel strong.

Then of course, the cliche of 'weak when you're feeling most impervious' came into play.

A new sexual pure O thought took seed one morning, about 4 days ago and has soared. I feel on the verge of panic or tears for most of the time. It's built on an 'if' rumination and it's something I can't face until I'm back in the UK. Horrible, cruel nasty OCD. The re-naming/labelling of the thoughts that seemed to be working so well, it's very tricky now.

Worse, my GF and her brother have gone on a 3 day Inca trek. It's something that would have pushed my fear of heights too far so I've had to stay in town. I now feel alone, anxious and at wits end.

I don't want to wish the last 3 weeks of my trip away but the way I feel, even some exciting diving in two weeks time may be swamped by the ridiculous new Pure-O 'threat.'

I just need a hug... :-(

There's some football on in the pub in an hour and if I can make it there (the main square I have to cross makes me panicky) a tiny bit of moderate drinking will at least relax me slightly. That and distraction of sport. But what about the next two days on my own?

[Guest Allalone]

Oh I really do sympathise as I felt like this on my trip abroad last year. The thing I find helps is distraction and also channelling my thoughts onto something else. I do hope you feel happier soon xx

[Guest Nikki79]

I feel for you man. Its hard to be in your position but it is your ocd attacking you cos you least want/need it and are most vulnerable. Be strong and don't allow it! HUGS x

[gingerbreadgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear OCD is trying to spoil what should be such an exciting experience as others have said, distraction is the key if you can. Tell your OCD to sod off and try your best to resist the urge to give into any compulsions - especially the sneaky one of rumination. hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your trip - have to stay I'm very jealous Xx

[Guest Allalone]

Great advice Nikki and Gingerbread girl xx

[Guest Soldiering on]

Thank you!

I opted for a pub trip. I was immensely distracted talking

to a drunk American and the Aussie barmaid. Felt I could

have stayed and got veeery drunk, so escaped and got a local meal and lemonade.

Equivalent, four pounds, thanks Peru.

Now back at Hostel and pondering a slow final beer before bed.

It's only 7.30pm. :-)

Definitely don't have the end of the world feeling any more,

although I know it'll try and crawl back tomorrow. Still, I have a few

things up my sleeve, writing being one of 'em.

Thanks again for replies, really appreciate it.

[Guest imalright]

quite inspirational!

You just get on with it - regardless - you'll fight it and do what you can to distract yourself.

Fantastic effort - keep going!

[Guest jayjay89]

Steer clear of those Aussies - they are dangerous!! Lol.

It's good to see that you are still managing to make the most of your difficulties while on this awesome holiday

[Guest Nikki79]

Wow you are fantastic to have done that last night. I have full admiration for you! Keep it up mate x