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What do you do if you cant stop doing compulsions??


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I dont think I am capable of stopping. I have vowed to myself 'no matter what happens I wont post here, I wont test my arousals, I wont ask reassurance etc..' I cant do it.

I have tried. I dont think I can stop..

I get spiked numerous times a day.

Today for example I went on facebook and there are adverts on the side of my news feed. Today there was a muscle building supllement and there was a pic of a topless tanned guy with abs and muscles and I immediately felt some arousal down there. I am scared at the same time.

Then today I went shopping for new clothes to make myself feel good so I went into the city. The very first mens clothes shop I walked into there was a good looking guy working there and IMMEDIATELY my groin started feeling blood flow and I was also simultaneously feeling anxious and dread like 'oh no!'

I tried to shake it off and walked around the city feeling miserable. I decidd to return to the same shop in the hope that I would feel ok and not get a reaction this time. I thought it would be good exposure.

I walked in and before even seeing him I could feel my groin expecting to react and it started feeling sexually aroused before I even saw him.

Then I felt **** again came home. Went on facebook and saw that advert again with the abs guy and got another groinal arousal.

I am getting worse and worse. I cant stop. I cant stop these arousals from happening and they scare the **** out of me. My mood plummets.

When I am not surrounded by sex and reminders of sex such as hot girls or guy I feeel quite happy. But the happier I get the bigger the fall when I spike.

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Guest itsnotmeitsmyocd

Hi Eric,

For me personally (violent harm themes) I had to fully accept that all the sensations/urges i felt and the intrusive thoughts "could" to be true / real. Whilst doing exposures regarding my issues, it's utter hell but the alternative is utter hell too- but with no get out. You will not get onto the road of recovery until you start to cut out your compulsions, that is an absolute fact. You did not go back to the shop as an exposure, you went back to the shop to get some relief - compulsion. Exposure is not about feeling okay, actually it's quite the opposite at first - which is why ocd is often so hard to beat. I am not fully recovered myself - i know your pain as does everyone else on here. I do not feel anyone on here is suggesting that you should not post - we all need support. However on the most part your posts are reassurance seeking and by now you must know that as tempting as reassurance is , it only aids in making your ocd stronger. How about choosing one compulsion to work on, no matter what, you stick to working on the chosen compulsion- it helps to break it down.

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Compulsions are the part of OCD that fuels and maintains it.

A non OCD person seeing a trigger (to us) will not react to it and move on.

We give a meaning to it triggering mental or physical compulsive behaviours that are no benefit and just trick us into safety behaviours such as "if I don't do this something bad will happen".

Weaning away from compulsions is all about reducing and losing that meaning, and replacing compulsions with useful beneficial activities.

And coming to terms with our own limitations.I love athletics and gym work but will never be a top athlete.

I love creating and playing music but can never be a top musician.

I love helping others here but can never be a therapist.

But I have certainly sought and found success in what I could, and have been able to, do.

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I failed again!! :(

I am not able to do it! :(

I feel like I am getting unwanted sexual urges and I must release them as they will drive me nuts. I masturbated about a spike to let off steam and 10mins laterI see a guy on tv and I glimpse his boxer shorts sticking out from above his trousers and I feel a feeling in my stomach, heart beat speeds up and feel it thumping slightly and I get a sexual arousal feeling in my groin. When this happens my mood drops, my anxiety increases and I just want to hide away somewhere. What if I am just have a strong sex drive because Ive discovered Im gay?? :(

Im worried that repressing these urges is actually sexual repression. Not sure if its an ocd urge or sexual urge.

Edited by Eric Dave
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Guest jayjay89

Everyone fails from time to time, instead of ruminating on it, you just have to keep trying - how many years have you been doing the compulsions? It won't get better in a week or two

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It happened again! Argh! I was on facebook and there was a pic of leaked celeb photos. I clicked on it thinking it was girls as the cover shots were and then its like the first couple of photos were naked american celebs guys (dont know who they are). Anyway I started feeling sexual sensations down there and an urge to masturbate to it. I gave in and did it and now I am in really low mood. I feel like theres no hope for me. I either have ridiculously bad ocd or I'm gay. It felt like I wanted to masturbate to the pics and I know the more I do it the more Im rewirting my brain to get aroused to this stuff :(

I cant stop myself. :(

If I am gay will someone please tell me.

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Legend I am trying. Im getting sick of this ''you're not making an effort''. I try but maybe its fighting nature. I cant do it. Even when I masturbate about a guy to 5 mins later the feeling is back in my groin when I see a guy and this urge comes back like Im a hypersexual being.

Please dont lie to me if you feel this is not ocd. I have just been spiking in the last hour badly and I feel ashamed of myself for doing what i did but I cant stop myself. :(

I have to be gay if I keep getting these urges.

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I have to be gay if I keep getting these urges.

Still stuck on obsessing about if it is OCD or not. Forget about if it is OCD or not or what it means. That is your real compulsion. You can't care what the symptoms mean. They're only symptoms. ]

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Guest Orwell1984

Is this the same Eric from stuckinadoorway? If so, ruminating and delving into the what ifs is not going to work! You know this! Stop trying to avoid - act like 'meh it doesn't matter'. You will never be able to avoid all the triggers. Something will always link to something which will cause you to go 'oh no am I gay'. You need to try not to respond to these thoughts. Anything you actively do in response to the thoughts, you need to stop. All of these things are compulsions. If you don't stop, you will always end up with that question hanging over your head. Identify your compulsions. Stop them. Your analysis is what the problem is! Stop analysing and trying to figure it out because this is a compulsion!!

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No I'm not on stuck in a doorway.

Its the arousal in my groin thats the issue and the feeling I'm attracted to guys. :(

Its not there for girls. I think it used to be but not sure now.

I'm terrified I am gay. I think I must be as I dont know any gay people or ever did and so I was probably unaware of it growing up.

I have the gay finger ratio too. I only see gay guys with it. :(

I feel maybe I am just not accepting of myself and I wouldnt be if I discovered 100% I was gay. Isnt that homophobia then??

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Why do you keep posting the same things over and over and over? You don't take on board advice, but on occasion when someone has said " ok you might be gay" you have argued fiercely that you're not.

You need to make a choice - but either way, you need to do something to deal with it, you can't stay stuck like this forever.

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I feel so depressed :(

I can't go on like this :(

Yes you can , you have 2 choices .... Spend rest of life doing what your doing and living a life of plop and when you die , theyll read out , rip Eric the man who spent his whole life ruminating , doing compulsion awwww how sad

Or

Hay what a top guy , he took on board the tools and kicked ass and learnt to smile and lived a great life

Your choice your desicion

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I read this in response to another questioning poster on the empty closets forum . He seems to think its a battle betweent he subconscious and conscious mind,

''

Jax, you've written several posts about how porn has affected you. I'm going to suggest you completely let go of the idea that porn has influenced your sexual orientation because there's absolutely zero evidence that it can. As I said in another thread you had on a similar subject, if porn could influence sexual orientation, the "Pray Away the Gay" folks would be subjecting their patients to hours of straight porn, and it would make them straight. But it doesn't.

It sounds to me like you're struggling with a conflict between conscious and unconscious. Orientation is in the unconscious; we can't change it, and it's hardwired, at least by the time you reach your teens, and most studies indicate before birth.

What complicates matters is this tug-of-war between conscious and unconscious. If I had a buck for every questioning guy I've talked to who said "But I can't see myself with a guy / I can't see myself kissing a guy / I can't see myself in a relationship with a guy" and, in the same breath "I masturbate to guys and am totally turned on by them"... I'd have a pretty big chunk of change.''

What happens, in most cases, is there's a fairly strong desire to not be gay that interferes with an objective assessment of what's going on. And that's where the "I can't see myself doing _____________" comes in. It's like that's sort of a last-ditch effort to avoid accepting the "gay" label, and it's a pretty normal part of the bargaining process.

My guess is, you totally *will* be able to love a guy the way you love a girl, but right now your unconscious is getting in the way of allowing you to feel that.

Of course... that's just a guess based on what you've said. I could be entirely off base, I could be misreading what you've said, or I could just be plain wrong. So you're the only one that can really assess the situation. I offer up the experiences I've had in the hopes that maybe they'll be helpful.
user_offline.gifquote.gif
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Yes you can , you have 2 choices .... Spend rest of life doing what your doing and living a life of plop and when you die , theyll read out , rip Eric the man who spent his whole life ruminating , doing compulsion awwww how sad

Or

Hay what a top guy , he took on board the tools and kicked ass and learnt to smile and lived a great life

Your choice your desicion

Yes Eric. Good luck .

Your using forums for non progress

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Eric

I look at your posts and it seems to be groundhog day.

Its all the same thing.

Why not take Caramoole's advice and spend time doing other things away from this obsession and not endlessly testing and searching for the answers that you wont get because until you change you wont move forward.

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Guest Orwell1984

I read this in response to another questioning poster on the empty closets forum . He seems to think its a battle betweent he subconscious and conscious mind,

''

Jax, you've written several posts about how porn has affected you. I'm going to suggest you completely let go of the idea that porn has influenced your sexual orientation because there's absolutely zero evidence that it can. As I said in another thread you had on a similar subject, if porn could influence sexual orientation, the "Pray Away the Gay" folks would be subjecting their patients to hours of straight porn, and it would make them straight. But it doesn't.

It sounds to me like you're struggling with a conflict between conscious and unconscious. Orientation is in the unconscious; we can't change it, and it's hardwired, at least by the time you reach your teens, and most studies indicate before birth.

What complicates matters is this tug-of-war between conscious and unconscious. If I had a buck for every questioning guy I've talked to who said "But I can't see myself with a guy / I can't see myself kissing a guy / I can't see myself in a relationship with a guy" and, in the same breath "I masturbate to guys and am totally turned on by them"... I'd have a pretty big chunk of change.''

What happens, in most cases, is there's a fairly strong desire to not be gay that interferes with an objective assessment of what's going on. And that's where the "I can't see myself doing _____________" comes in. It's like that's sort of a last-ditch effort to avoid accepting the "gay" label, and it's a pretty normal part of the bargaining process.

My guess is, you totally *will* be able to love a guy the way you love a girl, but right now your unconscious is getting in the way of allowing you to feel that.

Of course... that's just a guess based on what you've said. I could be entirely off base, I could be misreading what you've said, or I could just be plain wrong. So you're the only one that can really assess the situation. I offer up the experiences I've had in the hopes that maybe they'll be helpful.

user_offline.gifquote.gif

These are just hunches by that guy. This may be the case for some people but not all. No one rule fits everybody. There are two ways to go forward - accept you are gay and live a gay life. If you are gay then whatever will be will be, if it is OCD, you will realise that this was OCD playing a massive trick all along because OCD without fuel (compulsions) will not keep going. Or you can try to think the answer through which you feel is safer because at least you are used to the way life is for you at the moment as **** as it is, but the question will keep tormenting you for the rest of your life or until the OCD moves onto another topic to torment you with next.

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I feel like I know I am gay (despite my past) and that accepting it is the only route out of this. But thats the very thing I'm terrified of and dont want to do that. Or maybe I do and dont want to admit it to myself.

Accepting the possibility of it yeh (without living a gay life), until you don't care anymore either way. You'll be depressed and terrified at first, until you're not anymore and don't care. Your fears are going to tell you “I’ll be depressed forever and won’t want to live!” Though you won’t be depressed forever or terrified forever or whatever. It is the only route out!

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