Please help it's urgent OCD really bad please help me

[Guest ocdsufferer1001]

Hi,

I suffer quite severely from POCD, I have really bad false memories that happen straightaway. (Have been diagnosed, been suffering with it for 6 years).

I was out with my Mum walking our dog and near the end I crouched down to put the lead on the dog. For some reason I thought I would try out a worry (grabbing a child inappropriately) so I reached my arm out whilst I was still crouched down and in my mind I had completed the worry. In a way it felt almost like a weird thrill and I talked to my mum about it shortly after and she said there was no-one there at all as she was watching me (because the dog can be a nightmare)

That helped me a little but I thought "in my mind I had tried it, does this mean I will try it again?" and since then I have been confused not really sure how to feel.

My mum said that even if I didn't realise, deep down I would've known there was no-one there which is why I "tried" at the time that I did.

I'm quite confused which I find odd because surely I'd feel distraught at the thought of anything like that happening as I have done in the past with worries - which is furthering this particular thing.

Earlier on today I was avoiding children like the plague and have been going through a blip for the last 3 weeks in a constant state of worry, distress and even contemplating suicide (I'm seeing a counsellor now so the suicidal thoughts are being dealt with)

I don't know if this is my OCD trying to pick on it.

Earlier on today if anyone would've asked me "do you want to do it?" it would've been a straight "oh god no" with a sick feeling in my stomach but now I feel unsure.

It's the whole thinking and believing I had tried and even though in reality I didn't, it's that in my mind I had completed the act and in my mind I had done it which made me think I was capable of it.

I do want to believe what my mum says is true (about how I must've known deep down, there was no-one there) but I don't know. Before my OCD I was NOT having these kinds of thoughts and I loved being around children, I never had any worries, I never did anything out of line, I was fully normal.

This whole thing is confusing me does this mean I'll try it again.

Please help.

[Guest jayjay89]

Hi there,

I agree with your mother, it sounds almost like a compulsion - the reaching out I mean.

I wouldn't worry about having tried it out in your mind, we try out thousands of things in our mind per day, that doesn't mean you would do it.

Are you seeing a councillor a therapist? Cbt?

For tonight I would strongly recommend distracting yourself, thinking on it is only going to stress you out more.

[taurean]

The confusion you are feeling, OCDsufferer, is the work of OCD, it thrives on sewing the seeds of doubt and confusion, built on top of an underlying intense fear..

The key for me is your sentence (which I have copied and pasted)" Before my OCD I was NOT having these kinds of thoughts and I loved being around children, I never had any worries, I never did anything out of line, I was fully normal." - this is showing us what your real character is like. It follows therefore that anything other than this is a fabrication.

A horrid feature of OCD is that it will take our core values - the things about our character that are so key to us feeling good about ourselves - and turn that on its head. this is very much to be seen on paedophile OCD.

Intrusions in and around this type of OCD for you need to be treated as OCD - if you do that, it will give you the clarity you seek, and "countermeasures" to use.Then the trick is to, instead of getting sucked into ruminations, apply a very involved distraction - something that you need to totally and absolutely concentrate on - and become used to doing this each time an intrusion comes to call.

I have gained such help from doing exactly this, and so have many others..

[PolarBear]

Distraction isn't going to work if the obsessions come through a hundred times a day.

You reached out with your arm, almost pretending. That's a compulsion, a way to check. You have to stop doing that. You have to resist and eventually stop any checking behaviours. They only serve to reinforce the obsessions.

[Guest ocdsufferer1001]

Thank you all so much for your replies

I think what threw me really was that I had fully tried it (with the reaching and grabbing motion) however there was no-one there even though I thought someone was there.

I think what my mum said might be the case that "deep down you knew there was no-one there even thought you thought there was someone there which is why you reached your arm out and tried."

I think OCD has tried to pick on it by making it so I don't actively panic about it? Because I didn't really feel anything I think I took that as a sign that I was a horrid person, when I questioned myself it was almost like "yes I am that kind of person" but I think OCD was playing heavily on that.

I am seeing a counsellor who I love and is great, I've had my assessment with her and I saw her properly for the first time Thurs 31st. She told me one size doesn't fit all and she makes therapy plans based on what the individual is having problems with and what techniques she thinks would help.

I had spent the best part of today actively avoiding children! Constantly checking around me to make sure there was no-one there.

I banished all of my worries and told myself all of it was just OCD and I felt more free.

It was just the whole thinking there was someone there and then reaching out and grabbing.

Edited August 1, 2014 by ocdsufferer1001

[Guest legend]

cbt request is what you need , specifically for ocd

dont be palmed off

[Guest ocdsufferer1001]

Thank you legend I will definitely ask for that. :original:

[Guest jayjay89]

You need cbt, don't let her dictate treatment - it's your recovery, she is there to help you. I wasted so much time thinking therapists knew everything and would be able to help me. 2 years of talk therapy made everything worse. You need to stick with what works and even though it's hard, it's definitely cbt.

You didn't fully try it - because there was no one there. Thinking about it objectively, what you did was stick your arm out and do weird things with your fingers. Compulsion.

Your OCD can't control you, it's your response that controls you.

[taurean]

I think OCD has tried to pick on it by making it so I don't actively panic about it? Because I didn't really feel anything I think I took that as a sign that I was a horrid person, when I questioned myself it was almost like "yes I am that kind of person" but I think OCD was playing heavily on that.

I had spent the best part of today actively avoiding children! Constantly checking around me to make sure there was no-one there.

I banished all of my worries and told myself all of it was just OCD and I felt more free.

It was just the whole thinking there was someone there and then reaching out and grabbing.

"I took that as a sign that I was a horrid person" - that's the doubt and seeking certainty. OCD loves to leave things so we think we are bad, or might be bad.

In OCD treatment, avoidance never tackles the problem, it is an unhelpful compulsive ritual.Your therapist will need to take you down the route of exposure and response prevention to tackle this avoidance.

Testing out a theory the way you did might have value under the guidance of a therapist, but is dangerous otherwise - as you found out since it lead you into rumination, which then lead to awfulising, anxiety - a vicious cycle of distress formed - causing you to panic and cry out for help.

You seem a lot calmer now from your post - welcome to our community here, I hope you will now be able to wind down and get some sleep. I am off to do that myself now.

Edited August 1, 2014 by taurean

[Guest legend]

Thank you legend I will definitely ask for that. :original:

do so and let us know the outcomes

spend time also gaining knowledge to implement self help