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Hi there wanted to introduce myself and would love a kind word of support


Guest Whizz4848

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Guest Whizz4848

Hi guys I'm Billy, I've suffered with GAD to a high level since 2007. It had caused several periods of months off work, my life going on pause like the button on a remote control. I suffer from Pure O. Lots of dark violent intrusive thoughts about harming myself or others and yet I'm a peaceful soul whose never acted on or behaved like this in my life.I recently got diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, so the two together are pretty tough, like two school bullies they often gang up on me. The CFS I can cope with quite well, but alongside this I do a really stressful job and have just gone through the beautiful and wonderful process of getting married, which has totally exhausted me. I think all the above have massivley triggered my Pure O again. Its now presenting itself in a really nasty way which is worrying/obsessing about becoming suicidal and hurting myself. I don't have any intention to do anything, but I'm terrified I might which is making me more exhausted, low and feeling really upset. Especially as I had the best day of my life getting married a month ago, its just seems so cruel to now be back in the hole again.

I just wanted to contact with some of you, especially those who may have experienced similar fe.elings/issues but also just to contact generally with people who are on the same wave length as me.

I just wondered if anyone has any strategies/ideas also any medications anyone has tried? I eat a really heltahy diet, practice meditation and mindfulness, try and get good sleep etc, but at the moment the Pure O is kicking my ass big time.

Would love to hear from people if only to say hi and if I can offer any help, kind works back to you then I'd be more than happy.

Thanks :)

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Guest Whizz4848

I've tried some yeah, I just feel that when I get to this stage its really hard for me to step back and practice cbt. I guess I have not really given it a good go properly though, did you find it helpful? thanks for replying

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Yes I know what you mean, it's hard work and scary sometimes doing CBT and exposures and all that. Especially hard for you with CFS as well. I was going to say that exercise is good for anxiety but I don't know if that would be practical for you. What about yoga? A lot of people are keen on that here.

I'd say that CBT has definitely helped me but there's still a long way to go.

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Welcome whizz.

The standard for self directed care is to teach yourself to allow the thoughts in, don't fight them and resist, stop compulsions. That's basically the gist of it.

It can be hard to put into practice and practice is what is needed.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm exactly like you! I've had different kinds of obsessions, but fear of hurting myself was the really big one for me. I had it on and off but it really came in full force about 7 years ago. Yet, to this day, I have never hurt myself, not once...even though I thought that I would so many times!!

I had therapy and took medication for a little while, but what really helped me was looking at the whole situation like a process of some sort...separating myself from it and trying to understand how it worked. So I noticed that I would be okay sometimes and then had bouts of horrible fear at certain times of day (usually in the middle of the night). So when these bouts came on, I tried to picture myself being in a bad thunder-storm, clutching onto a tree or something just to stay safe. I just stayed in bed until the storm was over...and every time it would end. And eventually, these episodes got shorter and shorter.

I also realised that I saw everything as a catastrophe. I imagined I would hurt myself, start bleeding, and die....but then I started telling myself that even if I did do something to hurt myself, I wouldn't die right away...I could call an ambulance, go to my neighbour and ask for help, something to get someone to help me. As soon as I started thinking it wouldn't be that bad, the fear reduced and the thoughts started to fade.

This probably sounds really silly (I feel a bit silly writing this) but thinking these kinds of things helped me so I wanted to share them :)

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