Jump to content

How can I help my husband with BDD seek help?


Guest Shady

Recommended Posts

Hello, first a thank you to OCD-UK, I was so grateful to find this site as I am really struggling to think of a way to help my husband.

For the past 18 months, he has been preoccupied with his nose, and believes he has a bone overgrowth condition, so he covers the lower part of his face either with his hand or a scarf (or both) all the time. It is really hard to interact with him as it's difficult to understand what he's saying through his hand, and quite often people have to ask him to repeat himself, and I worry that it looks rude too. He has stopped socialising and seeing his friends, and especially shies away from group situations where he might have to interact with strangers. He has always disliked being photographed but now he flat our refuses to have his picture taken. He has been to see his GP about his nose, when they found nothing wrong he went to see a specialist through his private healthcare, and they both reassured him there was nothing wrong and suggested a referral to a therapist and BDD was mentioned, but he has refused to see a therapist or acknowledge he may have BDD. Any time I try and broach the subject with him, he refuses to discuss it and rapidly changes the subject or walks out of the room. We last talked about it 6 months ago and he said he was planning to have plastic surgery to remove the excess bone, I have been supportive of the idea and even offered to give him the money to have surgery but he has refused to take it and wants to save up for it himself. I worry that even if he does have surgery that this won't be a 'fix' and I would like to find a more long-term solution.

His mother and sister are also both very concerned about him as we have all noticed the problem deteriorating over the past year, and the face covering is now incessant, even at work, and I am worried that this is probably impacting on his career too. He is very stressed at work and we have talked about him trying to find another job but I know that isn't a reality when he can't have a conversation with someone without covering his face. I have wondered whether the stress at work has helped to trigger this as the timing coincides. We have recently moved out of London to the countryside and I am feeling very lonely and isolated as he refuses to do anything anymore except work and sit inside, and we have no social life together as a couple anymore. I haven't told my friends or family about this but obviously people close to me have noticed the change in him and I find myself making excuses for his behaviour as it comes across as rude. My family are also not very sympathetic about mental health problems so I don't want to discuss it with them.

My mother in law visited last week to try and talk to him as he won't talk to me but he also refused to discuss it with her, and we now don't know where to go as we don't want it to seem like we are ganging up on him and make him more paranoid than he already is. She found this website and referred me to it. I would really like to find a way to help him but to do it in a sensitive and sympathetic manner, so if anyone could provide advice, I would be so grateful. Thank you so much!

Link to comment

Hi there.....welcome to OCD-UK :original:

I was chatting with someone yesterday whose son is unwilling to access help with his OCD, it's very difficult to know what to suggest to family members in a situation like this, taking that first step really does have to come from the person themselves.

I think if he was honest, your husband's uneasiness around accessing more support, probably comes down to knowing at some level that addressing the BDD with CBT's going to require him to confront the problem rather than shying away from it, no one with OCD or BDD really wants to hear that, until we have no choice but to.

All family members are in an impossible situation really, if you raise the issue you risk upsetting him, but if you ignore it, there's a chance the problem's going to escalate from what already sounds like quite severe symptoms. Somehow I think you need to remind him how much he's changed, how unhappy it makes you feel to see him suffer like this and hopefully he'll also pick up on the hint that this is also affecting you too.
It really is difficult to know what to suggest, but maybe impress on him you understand this isn't his fault, but there is a problem you can help him through, but he needs to acknowledge there is a problem, if he can do that I'd let it drop for a short while and then at some point down the line raise the question of seeking more support.
It's probably going to take some time, but hopefully the realisation will hit that he has to do something to get well again, that the disorder has taken too much and it won't take more. I'm surprised his work colleagues or boss haven't said anything to him, does he have a colleague he gets on well with who could be slightly more firm with him?
Surgery wise, I agree with you.....knowing BDD, there's a chance it may latch on to another aspect of his appearance, unfortunately like OCD, the more someone gives into its demands the more it seems to take.
Hopefully though, if he were to consult a plastic surgeon, they'd be ethical enough after spotting the signs to refuse the operation, but they may not.......I hope you can work on him to talk to a therapist before taking that step. He might still opt for the op, but at least the therapist could help him consider the possibility that the problem isn't his nose, the problem's the disorder.
BDD really is cruel, it isn't easy for the person with it, but look after yourself and I hope his family are able to support you through this too.
Hal
Link to comment

Thank you Hal, it's just very nice to know I'm not alone in experiencing this. You are right that he is the one who needs to make the move to ask for professional help but hopefully I can encourage him to do this over time. A friend suggested that I go and see our GP to seek advice so I think I will do that and go from there.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...