Relationship and POCD. What is this? Urges?

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

I had my relapse exactly 2 years ago and have been obsessing over whether I am a pedophile or not. Both my psychologist and my psychiatrist believe I am no threat to society but I still find it very hard to believe I have OCD even though nowadays I am in a much better place.

I am in a relationship, my first one, and it's been going great. He has been able to just drift my thoughts away and I feel like I have no other choice but distract myself away from the thoughts. Today I met with a friend of mine and he's also gay, just like me, and so when I met with him I couldn't help but feel guilty, for some reason, as I am now in a relationship, unlike before. The problem is that I felt this urge to just kiss him and I knew that if I did do that, I would enjoy it.

My question is this: If I felt this urge towards a person, an adult person whom I know I would enjoy being with if I acted out on it, what about the urges I feel towards children? When I feel that I too would enjoy them if I act out on them? When I feel that yes, I want to touch and do inappropriate things to children? I'm afraid and confused now. What is the difference?

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

I'm just afraid that just like I would enjoy acting out on an urge towards a guy who isn't my bf, I would also enjoy acting out on an urge towards children because the urge felt just the same.

[PolarBear]

I'll tell you what the difference is, because they are not the same.

Do you go on websites and complain that you feel really upset because you thought about kissing a guy who was not your boyfriend? Does that thought/urge cause you harmful distress? Do you get all bent out of shape over it? Does your anxiety go through the roof?

See what I mean? The thoughts about kids cause you distress. They freak you out. They make you feel bad. Your anxiety rises. These are the signs that tell you the thoughts go against who you are as a person.

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

I'll tell you what the difference is, because they are not the same.

Do you go on websites and complain that you feel really upset because you thought about kissing a guy who was not your boyfriend? Does that thought/urge cause you harmful distress? Do you get all bent out of shape over it? Does your anxiety go through the roof?

See what I mean? The thoughts about kids cause you distress. They freak you out. They make you feel bad. Your anxiety rises. These are the signs that tell you the thoughts go against who you are as a person.

Hmm, very interesting point. I guess it did make me a bit afraid when I thought of other guys like that but the main reason I'm still thinking about this is because I am connecting them together and by that link, I am coming to conclusions that because the urges which I both perceive as inappropriate, I would enjoy them because obviously, I would enjoy being with an adult even though he's not my BF.

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

I'm just afraid that just like I would enjoy acting out on an urge towards a guy who isn't my bf, I would also enjoy acting out on an urge towards children because the urge felt just the same.

[PolarBear]

And yet the thought of doing so is causing you distress, a hallmark of OCD. Look, you're ruminating over this. You're going over it in your head, again and again. That's a compulsion and another sign that what you are dealing with is OCD.

Leave this alone. Stop going over it in your head. Stop analyzing and comparing. It's not going to do you any good and will only make matters worse.

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

And yet the thought of doing so is causing you distress, a hallmark of OCD. Look, you're ruminating over this. You're going over it in your head, again and again. That's a compulsion and another sign that what you are dealing with is OCD.

Leave this alone. Stop going over it in your head. Stop analyzing and comparing. It's not going to do you any good and will only make matters worse.

I am going over it in my head, yes. And I am aware that that is a compulsion. It's just the feeling that I would enjoy is so scary! It's like, I know I would enjoy it. I'm trying my best not to think about it at the moment.

[PolarBear]

You and HeadAboveWater really need to get together. She's got a thread going of her own right now where she talks about this exact thing. You and her are going through the exact problems.

In fact, here's the thread: http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?showtopic=68340

Edited March 24, 2015 by PolarBear

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

You and HeadAboveWater really need to get together. She's got a thread going of her own right now where she talks about this exact thing. You and her are going through the exact problems.

In fact, here's the thread: http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?showtopic=68340

Oh my God, it really is the same thing, just with slight variations! I really do need to believe that I wouldn't enjoy touching a kid in a sexual way. I need to believe that this is just a thought...

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

I am getting a bit afraid again because I'm again feeling that yes, I would enjoy doing inappropriate things to children if I act out on these urges and it feels so real and powerful I can feel it in me that I want it...like, in my hands... :/ I'm trying to treat this as OCD even though it feels like I want this