Suicidal Thoughts

[dubs]

I'm having regular thoughts about suicide these days, I have made two failed attempts recently but I try to ignore my thoughts these days hoping that they will eventually stop as I get better.

The truth is while I'm on medication I'm able to use my CBT training to get on top of my OCD. If I stop my medication that I'm completely out of control.

I now just get anxious about just about everything and I go to work and come home, take a load of diazapram and drink a bottle of gin then wake up for work the next day. I don't understand what's wrong with me at the moment and its all very tiring.

The truth is I've given up with my life and I'm just on a ride and where it ends it ends and I've given up caring.

I've been discharged from the local crisis team, and I don't know who to go to for help. I'm not convinced I'll make another attempt but the urges just come and go in different extremes.

[bruces]

Your life sounds just like mine

[Symps07]

Hi dubs,

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a bad way at the moment, I posted a couple of links below I hope you find useful. It may also be worth seeing if there are any local OCD support groups that are local to you, as you may find it useful speaking face to face with other OCD sufferer's in your area.

Are the urges a theme of your OCD or a result of suffering from OCD, anxiety, etc?

Samaritans

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Mind

http://www.mind.org.uk/

[dubs]

I don't get urges to kill myself, I just come home from work some days and end up taking too many medications, drinking too much and then some how come to the decision that taking all my medication is the best way out.

[Symps07]

Sorry to hear that.

I can't imagine the alcohol is making you feel any better in the long run, I know when I drink to often, it plays havoc with my moods & my anxiety (especially in the mornings) is worse.

Is there any lifestyle changes you could make that you think might help you? (Exercise, eating healthier, spending more time with family/friends, etc?)

[Symps07]

I'm going to have to go bed, (I've been short on sleep lately), I hope you have a better day tomorrow & let us know how you are getting on.

I know it's hard, but try to stay strong :-)

[Symps07]

Hey dubs, how've you been getting on since we last spoke?

[dubs]

Hey dubs, how've you been getting on since we last spoke?

Pretty much the same, going to see my GP today. I really don't know whats wrong with me if I'm honest, it doesn't feel like OCD anymore and they want me to see my shrink but at the moment I'm not sure what to tell. I keep taking packets of pills because the make the world go away for a bit and then I wake up with a bad head and get a repeat prescription.

[Symps07]

I'm glad to hear your going to see your GP, but it may be wise to lay off the pills for a bit, or at least cut down, especially if you're drinking alcohol.

It may not be OCD, it may be anxiety in general, I have both & I reckon a lot of people on hear do as well, I also have low mood, probably as result of the OCD/anxiety.

Hopefully you'll be able to identify to source of your problems & be able to implement a way to deal with it.

[dubs]

I had OCD and I still have those anxious moments but the CBT and medications have allowed me live an almost normal life. The problem starts when I get home from work or at the weekends.

I don't like dust, loud noises, being alone with strangers. I used to come home from work and throw away my uniform because I was convinced I was contaminated with asbestos. I would throw away bedding, remove soil from the garden, remove new carpets, spend hours at night dusting. I spent thousands on asbestos consultants coming into my home testing everything.

My job is a heating engineer so you can imagine what my life was like.

Now I go to work and while I don't come home and destroy my clothes and house I still feel pretty uncomfortable all day long. I still wear an excessive amounts of PPE to drown noise and to stop dust getting into my eyes but in general I'm able to grin and bare my job. The problem is when I get home all the anxiety comes flooding in back and rather then start decontaminating I just drink and over take on medication ready for another day at work.

If something goes wrong at work then it pushes me over the edge and i might go off sick or overdose or get blind drunk or all together.

[ACE]

Hey there dubs I'm very sorry to hear how you've been going my friend :original: , I think you should please try to see your Psychiatrist asap& tell them everything if you can I know &understand how tough it is but you desrve all the help you can get& deserve a health quality of life just like anyone/everyone else out there :original: .