Newspaper hoarding

[ACE]

I've had a fair problem with this for a while I've tried to work on it but have struggled,I've sort of hoarded a fair amount of newspapers at home it is& has gotten out of hand.I've put a fair bit of them at home under our house& I've had terrible anxiety trying to throw them out.This morning my mum was in one of her types of moods she took a fair bit of them out of the laundry& threw them on the table outside to throw them in the bin.As soon as I heard the thump of the newspapers on the table I got very anxious I went outside& said "Oh no not the sun" it is the name of one of the newspapers& she got a bit angry about the amount of newspapers& said a comment you have to get rid of them& even made a comment in Italian about my dad along the lines of he'll make you go running& pretty much out of the house.It was getting to me a bit about my upbringing sort of & my dads abuse& feeling in my head to my mum "you never protected your kids&let your husband abuse your kids" they were the thoughts coming into my head but obviously I didn't say anything.

I felt in my head as well to say good I'll go even making a comment I hope to be gone as in from this world,I think the angry emotions coming into my head even wanting to say to my mum because she wants to organize something for my birthday next month you better not do anything because I don't want no party.,a lot of that also comes from my dad making many offensive comments about me& I don't want them to do anything for me as so often he's said things to people about me that aren't nice& making me like a bad person as much as I've tried to contribute down the years.

I feel rotten about the newspapers situation I know I don't mean to have it like that& have tried to improve it but have struggled so much,I feel so bad about this I've made some improvements at times but still have struggled so much it's led to me to think so much look at what I cause I really am better off just gone full stop! .

[PolarBear]

Why do you keep newspapers?

[Guest anatta]

Sounds like your father has some NPD traits. I grew up with a step father I now realise is probably a narcissist, in the clinical sense of the word, possibly mixed with paranoid personality disorder. He never physically abused me but the behaviour he did display towards the whole family has made some sense to me since I've learned what drives people like that. As a child, it didn't even occur to me that his judgements might be wrong, because he was an adult, so his behaviour started to affect my self-esteem. As I grew to realise he was often wrong, that problem went away but it has given me extra comfort to know there was nothing I could have done to give us a better relationship. We only talk at family gatherings now.

[ACE]

Thanks very much for your replies PB& anatta very much appreciated as ever :original: , PB I only keep the newspapers because I haven't read them& I fear throwing them out I know it's all OCD really it's been very difficult to throw them out unless I've read them I've tried but it's been too much :original: .Anatta yeah my dad may be like that i grew up with a lot of mostly emotional abuse& a fair bit of physical abuse,I don't want to make him look bad I witnessed him also do it to my sisters& mother as well,also down the years he's been very negative as well to be honest very difficult to talk to without getting angry even when you try to be nice to him& my mother can be like that as well also.

Many times down the years something that has upset me we've had a Cat& I've seen my father hurt it picking it up by the legs,pulling it's legs,putting pegs on it's ears& legs I know it's very sad& it hurts a lot seeing that my mother has told him at times when he's done that.In the past& even at times I'd been quite upset with my mum for sort of allowing my father to treat his kids like that& even her that she's just accepted it even so often being upset of how he is.Even talking to my sister she's told me about my mother saying it's her fault she stays& she's even told my mother,my dad is an alcoholic I grew up with him non stop telling me I was no good I've tried my best in recent times to try not to let him get to me as my Dr& other health professionals have tried to tell me that is the best way& hopefully in time I can move out of home which i really wnat to do :original: .