Graphic sexual detail - sorry in advance! Called Samaritans and they have destroyed me!

[Guest lucylia]

Ok other than just coming out and saying it I'd be here for hours thinking of the right words to say here ... So I will just say it. I feel terrible guilt and shame because when my son was younger and we shared a bed I masterbated when he was lying beside me. We bed shared a lot,I never thought anything of it at the time. He was either asleep or engrossed in cartoons and he was very young. It was under the covers and he would never have understood what was happening. I

Am now (even though this happened YEARS ago) torturing myself over it. I'm

A member of a net mums site. I confessed to another mum about this. She was some what unerved by what I told her. She said she didn't understand how I could think about masturbation whilst my child was present. I explained it was not my

Son I was thinking about and that we shared a bed and because he as so young and didn't understand I never thougt

Twice about it. She suggested I called Samaritans as there is a guide line on what constitutes

As abuse. I called them and the lady was the much the same and said I should contact a doctor!! I am a total mess now. I didn't know where else to turn. I feel like this means I truly am

A sicko. I meant

My son no harm but the other mum was right. Why would I thrink about masturbation with my kid about? It wasn't like it was blatantly

In front of him I was under the covers and as far as I know he was unaware but still. I feel like k don't deserve him

Or my

Little girl

Inside me now. Why would this Samaritan say to call a doctor if it wasn't abuse? Please

Someone help

Me.

Lucy xxx

[Caramoole]

If you went back in history and applied this reasoning we probably wouldn't exist as a race, parents and children frequently slept in the same room and parents had sex.

This is an old worry of yours Lucy that's plagued you before. If your Son was unaware there is no problem, what is the problem is that you are now obsessing about a past event that has harmed no-one. You now have to work at resisting the compulsions like ruminating and checking (like net Mums/Samaritans)

If you were dressed in a basque with the covers flung back, indulging yourself in view of a child.... you would have a problem, if your were fumbling under the covers with a very young child who was blissfully unaware, there isn't a problem.

Work on the OCD Lucy, do your best to stop questioning this.

Caramoole

[legalseagull]

The Samaritans are trained volunteers. They are not experts on mental health or OCD. It's OCD that's making you go over and over this event (or non event). No harm done.

[Guest lucylia]

What I don't understand, is how come I don't feel guilt over the fact that my partner has "played" about under the covers with ME whilst our son was blissfully unaware and watching tv or sleeping? Yet when I remember doing it alone the guilt crushes ME?? I don't understand it and I don't understand why that woman said it was wrong. I feel no guilt that other half has touched my under the covers but j feel guilt that j have touched myself ? I hate this illness so much x

Lucy xxx

[Caramoole]

I hate this illness so much

Don't we all

But that's what it is Lucy....an illness that's making you worry over this.

I know the urge to work this out is strong....but you've got to work hard at resisting that and labeling it as OCD

[Guest lucylia]

I tried to put myself in the opposite position ... If someone told me they had done that. Another mum. I wouldn't bat an eyelid. But at the same time, if a man told me he had done that in the same bed as his daughter I would be a bit weirded out. I don't know why! What makes that any different?

Lucy xzz

[Caramoole]

I tried to put myself in the opposite position ...

What makes that any different?

You're ruminating Lucy, trying to work it out.....try to resist :hug:

[PolarBear]

This is an old theme of yours. As Caramoole said, you are ruminating over this. You going over it in your mind, paying attention to it and performing other compulsions like checking/confessing in several places.

OCD has latched onto that one insignificant situation from your past and it doesn't want to let go. You have to work hard to stop responding to the thoughts. You need to resist ruminating and stop confessing/checking by asking others their opinions. If you don't, you will be stuck thinking about this for a very long time.