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Sorry to offend any of you but i am dying


Guest AnxiousCarolyn

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I can tell the difference between OCD worries and real worries.

Could I make a suggestion? Maybe before you have the test, make an appointment with your OCD psychiatrist to talk it through with him/her to see what they think?

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Guest DanS

But this is the point, Carolyn, 'if'. Life is full of 'ifs' and your OCD loves to play on them and the fear is that by having your test your OCD will then encourage you to have a test every time you have a muscle ache in the future, it will make you think the first test was faulty or done wrong.

My advice is accept this to be an 'if' and you don't need the test because its only the OCD encouraging you, I am surprised the GP actually arranged it for you to be honest.

Hi Ashley,

To some extent, I agree with you here. However, surely there has to be a point where intervention is required, based on the affect it is having on the people around Carolyn, specifically little Sophie.

I've said to Carolyn that the next illness obsession she has will be worse than this Lupus thing, because she got the reassurance in the end, and reassurance is not the way to solve OCD problems.

This is why CBT currently would be very difficult or impossible for Carolyn to accept, as [my understanding of it is] this is the sort of thing that it involves.

Do you think, or do you think not?

Regards,

Dan

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

LOL my psychiatrist is a joke he never replies 2 calls or letters and i have not heard any thing from him for 4 weeks and i am suppose 2 see him every 2 weeks! hes an idiot. As for my CPN shes away nearly the whole of June. I know i am doing the right thing here i wanted a lupus test now i have got one. If someone without OCD wanted a lupus test u wud not b puttin them off so why me? its NOT my OCD causin this i am worried. The doctor at A&E last night saw ne for 5 mins asked random questions how can he say i don't have Lupus based on that.

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Hi Ashley,

To some extent, I agree with you here. However, surely there has to be a point where intervention is required, based on the affect it is having on the people around Carolyn, specifically little Sophie.

I've said to Carolyn that the next illness obsession she has will be worse than this Lupus thing, because she got the reassurance in the end, and reassurance is not the way to solve OCD problems.

This is why CBT currently would be very difficult or impossible for Carolyn to accept, as [my understanding of it is] this is the sort of thing that it involves.

Hi Dan,

I find this a very difficult one, I agree that intervention is required for the normality of life to resume again and get Carolyn over this current problem, but like you quite rightly say the next illness obsession she has will be worse than this Lupus thing, because she got the reassurance by having the test so i really do not know what is best.

I don't know but I feel at some point Carolyn needs to stand and fight the OCD so why not this now? I dont know, but maybe my suggestion to talk it through with the OCD psychiatrist would be a good idea to see if now is the time to stand and fight.

If someone without OCD wanted a lupus test u wud not b puttin them off so why me?

Because I think everyone, even your partner are of the opinion this is your OCD talking, the only person who cant see that is you and that is because your OCD is making you think it is a genuine illness. I can totally relate to why you are so convinced it is genuine so please do not think I am attacking you by saying this.

As someone who as been there I know why you want the test, but I also know its the wrong thing to do. But, should you have it to get you through the week? Maybe, maybe not but at some point you need to face the OCD and the problem is I don't think you are aware that this test is a result of the OCD?

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Guest hayley73

Carolyn did you mention anything to your doctor about the other issues effecting you? You need to get help for the OCD and your eating disorder.

I hope if you have the test it will put your mind at rest. I know from my own past experiences with OCD whatever the answer its never enough. Now I have to make myself trust those who love me. I know that they would not let anything bad happen to me.

As for my Lupus test. I get my results next week. What will I do if its positive? Go on living and not let it beat me. Carolyn I didn't even know what Lupus was. But I am under a consultant for my blood. But thats only cause I had a blood clot on my lung during pregnancy. She obviously thought that there was a need to test me. But I never suggested it. If my result comes back clear I will just go on and not give it another thought. I hope you will be able to do the same.

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

You are both ganging up on me here. I am worried and the test is the RIGHT thing 2 do.

Edited by Guest
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Guest DanS

Hi Dan,

I find this a very difficult one, I agree that intervention is required for the normality of life to resume again and get Carolyn over this current problem, but like you quite rightly say the next illness obsession she has will be worse than this Lupus thing, because she got the reassurance by having the test so i really do not know what is best.

I don't know but I feel at some point Carolyn needs to stand and fight the OCD so why not this now? I dont know, but maybe my suggestion to talk it through with the OCD psychiatrist would be a good idea to see if now is the time to stand and fight.

Hi,

I don't believe that Carolyn has the right sort of mind-set to put it down to OCD and forget about it. She is incredibly strong-willed, but often in the wrong direction!

As Carolyn said just above, her psychiatrist is a joke. He doesn't seem to have a focus with regard to treatment or anything, he just gives her the hard-sell on drugs. Unfortunately the people she is seeing aren't results-orientated - and don't seem be proactive in helping Carolyn start heading in the right direction. Don't get me started on those people! :lol:

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You are both ganging up on me here. I am worried and the test is the RIGHT thing 2 do.

No body is trying to gang up on you, we are all giving you advice because we all generally have your best interests at heart.

I think (based on whats been said on this thread) that the test is the wrong thing to do in terms of managing your OCD. I assume deep deep down you must know its OCD related or you would not be on this OCD forum posting about it?

If it was Lupus surely a member of your family would see the signs?

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

I orginally thought it was OCD thats why i posted on here. Nobody in the family knows much about Lupus its not something thats well known so they wouldn't know the signs.

Edited by Guest
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Guest hayley73

Carolyn I am not ganging up on you. Its just I know from my own experience that 'tough love' is the only thing that works in the end. To be honest it hurt, that statement stung a bit. I have posted on here since this topic was put on the boards. Why? Because I care. Its been a bit tough on me - all this talk of Lupus killing you when I have tested postive for this disease as been really scary for me. But I carried on posting cause I wanting to give you some relief. Dispite the fear it has caused me at times I still carried on posting. I didn't do it for me Carolyn, I did it for you. I hope one day you will be able to look back on all these posts and see the time, effort and care that was written in the hope you would find relief.

I hope for you, your family and that precious little girl of yours that this test will give you the answer you need. Take care.

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

Hiya,

Hayley the comments were not aimed at you at all they were aimed at Ashley and Dan because at the time i felt they were gangin up on me. I know u r all tryin 2 help and Hayley u in particular have stuck in my mind as i admire your strong attuide even after bein tested postive 4 this disease. Thank you for replyin 2 this post 2 and i hope i have not offended u by bringin up Lupus i realise it must b scary 4 u but u sound so strong dont give up. :group:

Carolyn

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Guest honey

Hi Carolyn

Haven't posted much here because I think you are getting enough good info anyway. Just wanted to add that whatever OCD worry I have, I always say to my husband that the other worries were OCD but this one feels really real. In fact, it is always OCD. Always.

honey

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

An hour to go 2 my blood test sooooo anxious as u all know how i am with needles! i have the numbin stuff on my arms now and as soon as i use the entonox i know i will be as ok. Wish me luck not just with the results but i hate needles i am the biggest needle phobic ever!

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

I just came back! i did it! but my arm soooooo hurts i am such a wimp lol. I went in the room shaking and heart racing feeling so sick but once i started breathin in the entonox it was such a great feeling i was on another planet! I get my reseults next Wednesday i am soooo scared still another week 2 go of worryin.

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Guest hayley73

Thank you for clearing up the mistunderstanding with the posts. I am sure that Ashley and Dan wasn't ganging up on you. We all care Carolyn.

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

Do u think there is anyway i can find out my results sooner? I have been through such a bad week already i don't need another one. The results are not going 2 b back at the surgery until Wednesday but do u think if by phoning the hosiptal they could tell me them sooner than that?

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Guest Lizbeth

Do u think there is anyway i can find out my results sooner? I have been through such a bad week already i don't need another one. The results are not going 2 b back at the surgery until Wednesday but do u think if by phoning the hosiptal they could tell me them sooner than that?

Hey Carolyn,

I think it is unlikely you would be able to get the results back early to be honest. I know how stressed you've been recently and the extra wait must be difficult on top of everything else.

However, I also think it is important that during this week you continue to remind yourself that the problem here is OCD and is not or ever was lupus. I do understand that you feel you need this test in order to end this episode but I do think it is important that you continue to remind yourself that this episode was caused by OCD and not lupus. This test is just a precaution as you yourself know that there has never been any real indication that you suffer from this illness.

Stay strong through this week Carolyn. You showed real bravery phoning NHS direct and I hope you can use that to fight your OCD. We'll all be thinking of you.

xxJadexx

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

The waiting is killing me. Any ideas how to cope until Wednesday? i just feel sick with anxiety and can barely eat i feel shakey all the time like i am in a constant panic.

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Guest liquorice

Hi CarolynTwo days ago I posted a super long message which didn't stick :thumbdown:

Anyway I was suggesting that you take the opportunity to make a list of ALL your symptoms and problems mental and physical and discuss ideas of treatment with the doctor you're going to see after your test result, especially your eating disorder which I think prevents you from thinking straight and feeling well.Actually it is a symptom too, of something else.

And I wanted to ask you this question: apart from the terror of having lupus, what is your second biggest fear in general?

(you don't have to reply in public,it's just for yourself) Because I think the answer will point you to the most important issue in your life.

For the anxiety : a few days ago I pasted a page from mothernature on ways to deal with anxiety and panic attacks, you can refer to it.

I'm glad that you're feeling some relief and are being taken care of. In the future it might be wise to arrange more back up help for when both doctor and nurse let you down, as IMO the fact you were left unsupported was a big factor in your crisis.

Not long to wait now,cheer up!:)

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

help :weep: I have taken around 11 paracetamol since 11am this morning and i can't stop i am getting worse i fear for my life because if i stop the lupus symptons will get worse. I can't cope anymore with the wait i just can't i need 2 know now i am desperate.

The amount of paracetamol i have taken increased as a result of getting another Lupus sympton this morning. I now have a mouth ucler which is strange cause i have only had a couple in my whole life then suddenely i get one 2 day which is a lupus sympton and still the muscle aches continue i feel theres no doubt i have it and i am totally scared.

I just phoned NHS direct and asked for there help. I can't go on like this.

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I can't go on like this.

I agree, you can't.

I am glad you have contacted NHS Direct Carolyn and I truly hope you are ok, but you can not keep taking tablets like this.

It is not Lupus, it is your OCD making you think it is.

Despite no bumps, I have a huge bruise on my arm and my OCD is thinking the worse, its a blood clot, its X,Y,Z but I am ignoring it and getting on with things, if I sat and thought about it then it would drive me mad and convince me I am ill, and thats what is happening to you Carolyn.

This thread as now gone full circle and I really can't see the point in it being allowed to continue because rather than helping you dont seem to take in any of the practical advice being offered. I am going to discuss this with my mod team now because I don't feel it is helping you by remaining open.

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

I have no other support but this board right now. I am not seein any of my mental health team for a month because they are useless Dan's ran off and turned his phone off because he says he can't stand me. I have no one and i can't cope.

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Hi Carolyn

I don't wish this to sound harsh but my advice would be to go to hospital NOW and ask to be admitted voluntarily and ask for urgent assistance. Trying to hide the fact that you are at serious risk through your excessive paracetamol consumption can only increase the risk of serious liver damage or worse. For your own sake and for your family's, I urge you to get yourself to A&E now. Tell them the whole story. You need help.

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