Can't really think of a title for this...

[Guest Gale1982]

Had a funny few days. Had an appointment with someone from cmht. They think its a good idea that I go into into rehab for my drinking so I've got a better chance of tackling OCD as a separate entity. Its over in Somerset, sounds quite nice really.

Also got a text from my sister. I haven't seen her since she and my other sisters made allegations against my step dad about 10 years ago. Its been a horrible 10 years. Lost my family, OCD got out of hand, drinking got out of hand, depression go out of hand...it's all got out of hand.

We're meeting tomorrow for coffee, I'm not sure its a good idea but I'm doing it anyway. Keep imagining smashing her face into the table. I'm quite angry with them all.

Everyday I obsess about the court cases, the answers I gave on the stand, what it did to my parents. I have this guilt that I chose my step dad over my sisters even though I know he didn't do it. Then I think what if he did. Every time I talk to him I feel guilty for having this doubt, I start to feel guilty for feeling anger towards both my parents. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I HATE the way my family has turned out.

So I figure it best I go meet my sister tomorrow. I have a niece, she's doing music at college just like I did. Don't want to meet her though, I worry about the stuff that some people with ocd worry about, if you know what I mean.

Sorry for rambling, just a bit of an anxious mess and I'm trying to put off sleeping. Don't like what my brain throws at me when I hit the pillow....oh just shut up and go to bed!

No point to this, just wanted to air it.

[battlethrough]

In yhe morning put a line in the sand,try your best anyway,we cant do more than that

[Guest Gale1982]

That went better than expected. Actually had a nice afternoon. We hugged. Ruminating can be so misleading and a bloody waste of time...