Will I live the rest of my life in fear?

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

I'm having a terrible time- currently sitting here in tears.

My ocd has revolved around sexual intrusions in recent years. When I was extremely ill and vulnerable I confided in a now ex boyfriend about every little detail concerning my intrusions. To the point where I believed I had commited crimes. I was so poorly like im sure many of you have felt. I confided with him my text, on the phone, face to face.

Now after a very messy break up where the law has had to be involved to protect me from him I am wishing I never told him so much about my obsessions.

He has used my ocd against me in the past to blackmail me into getting back into a relationship with him because of how much he says he had supported me. Id never confided in anyone as much as him before apart from my therapist. Im so angry with myself for putting it all out there.

Now i'm terrified to the point of tears that he is going to publish text messages online or contact the police, spread information either about my illness or to try to imply I have done these things that are in fact ocd fears and not real at all. My main worry is my family, they have found it hard to support me because they don't really understand my condition. If they were to hear about my intrusions, be subject to knowing what my thoughts have been. Some of my obsessions have been horrific scenarios, very distressing even some being about family members.

Im worried my family would disown me, think I was crazy and not want anything to do with me. worst of all the police questioning me or family members about whether my obsessions (all false) were real events, its just heart breaking. The last thing I would ever want to do is to bring shame on my family's name.

How will I live with this? I really don't know. please help x

[Dave]

Whilst I have no experience of what you're going through with respect to your boyfriend's malicious intentions, I have suffered periods of extreme anxiety where I can't get rid of unwanted thoughts. At your lowest ebb you're always going to get things out of perspective. You've shared your life with this man, and must know him well. Is he really likely to stoop to such foul behaviour, or are you contemplating very unlikely scenarios?

At the end of the day, you have a serious anxiety condition. It would take a very nasty and spiteful person to release such personal information, and I think people who know you will interpret his actions as such. You have nothing to fear from the police - having a mental illness isn't a crime - but I can understand your fears. Is there anyway for you to meet up with him and talk?

[PolarBear]

My suggestion is to put the whole matter behind you. Living in fear is a choice. Choose wisely. Choose not to ruminate over what ifs and instead to put your efforts into living your life. Sitting there worrying about what could be does you no good. It's a waste of energy to worry about what could happen or might happen. Better your efforts are put into getting better from OCD so you can live a calmer life.

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

thank you guys for your replies. Meeting up and talking is not an option as he is not allowed near me. It was a very short term relationship but one I relied on heavily at such a difficult time. I was so consumed by false memories which I was convinced must be real. He has also behaved in despicable ways since the relationship ended which cements more my fear that he would do something like this.

[Dave]

Though it's too late in this instance, I would suggest you refrain from imparting personal things by written communication as it can come back to haunt you.

Obviously I don't know this man, but I would imagine once the dust settles he'll move on and forget about you. I believe it's said that there's a thin line between love and hate, and once his heart mends he'll hopefully leave you alone. If he's really capable of something that sinister, then you have done the right thing by getting rid of him. Hopefully he's got some goodness in him and will leave you be. As I said before, I think it will look very bad for him if he were to disclose things that you have confided in him, not to mention possibly illegal.

For now though, you need to get on with your life.

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

Im once again hugely concerned about this. The thought that this man could post messages I have sent, online makes me want to die. Who would believe that it is all false? And based on confessing as an ocd compulsion. The things I've feared being huge taboos like being a paedophile or fearing id raped someone. Ruining my families name makes my life not worth living x

[PolarBear]

Once again you are worrying about what might happen. None of us knows with any certainty what tomorrow will bring. We all have to live with that. You cam choose to live a life without fear of what someone else might do. If you choose to go down the path you are on you will waste an enormous amount of energy on nothing. You have no power over what he might do. But you do have a choice as to whether you will live in fear.

[Scorpio]

Hi this happened to me with the father of my child..He used it all against me and reduced me to nothing...people are aware of ocd now thanks to people coming forward and charities like this one and HE would come off worse for trying to exploit a vulnerable person so just deny it all if the worse ever happened...I know the fear u live in this monster is forever in my life and knows all the buttons to press but I intend to not let his idle threats ruin my life even though it devastates me when he tells me I'm sick etc and a nutter why would he of had a baby with me? Best way for bullies is no reaction...same as ocd I know it's hard xx

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

I don't know how to live with this. He's got intimate details from me by text about my obsessions which he could turn on me. If he was to post them online what could I even do about it?

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

Anyone?

[Scorpio]

It's like polar bear says you can choose to live in fear or just think what if he doesn't do that I'm in same situation it's hard when u trust someone and they threaten you with your biggest insecurity I know but I think you really need to stop worrying and move on and ignore him and get on with your life xx

[PolarBear]

Stuck, you're playing a big what if game and it's dragging you down. You keep going over the possibilities in your head and all that's doing is creating more anxiety.

You need to stop this. Stop assuming the worst. Stop going over this in your head. If the worst happens you'll deal with it at that time. There's no sense getting wound up in the mean time.

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

What's is the response by police with regards to ocd issues? Obviously my obsessions revolve around having false memories of having committed crimes in the past. When out of the ocd cycle I can see those things never happened. Would you be arrested?

[PolarBear]

Again you're just prolonging your agony. You're going over this stuff in your head, which has led you to ask more questions on the forum.

Leave the subject alone. Get your mind onto other things. Let the subject due from apathy.

Edited September 24, 2015 by PolarBear

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

I'm just interested to know how police deal with ocd and false memories

[PolarBear]

What's to deal with? The memories are false so there's nothing to investigate.

Edited September 24, 2015 by Caramoole