please help me im not sure how to deal with this.

[Guest Lyn77]

Hi guys im really struggling but as with everything im thinking this is not ocd. I dont actually think this is but im thinking my ocd is latching on to it to an extent. I appreciate that everyone will have their own views on the subject butbi dont know where else to post or who to speak to! A bit of background...my ocd started as harm ocd...main focus on my kids..that was 5yrs ago. I then had a baby lastvyear and it flared up after being ok for many years. It has been fear of developing mental illnesses such as psycosis or schitzophrenia or severe depression. I recently took part in a mindfulness course and during that we spoke a lot about compassion and caring. The thought popped into my head one night...I had an abortion 10 yrs ago. This means I must be a terrible person..how can I be kind and caring if I did that...and that was months ago. Since then as u can imagine the thoughts have spiraled. It is ofcourse true. I did have one as a teenager. I now am married with a family and over the last 10 yrs I never really thought about it or had distress over it. I keep getting intrusive thoughts and images relating to this past thing I did. I completely hate myself over it and i normally held the view that I was a caring person..and now I just cant accept that I am. Im trying to be so strong for my kids and working hard to try and resolve this. Anyway can I ask if anyone thinks the fact that I suffer with ocd can this be making this thought and feeling worse. Its so hard trying to work out all my feelings when ocd is at play! Thank you for any help xx

[Guest Victoria917]

I get the same exact thing with thinking about past events and getting anxious over them, even if I was totally okay with them when they happened, like you were with your abortion.

It makes no sense to me why OCD picks past events to get anxious over, like things that happened months or years ago.

[PolarBear]

It's likely OCD.

Your mind took an innocuous subject (talking about compassion and caring) and blew it out of proportion. You have intrusive thoughts about it. I suspect you ruminate over it, a compulsion.

Edited September 2, 2014 by PolarBear

[Guest Lyn77]

Thank you. Yes I think in the past I was a more care free person. Now I have very high standards and morals and think I have violated my own beliefs...but at that time in the past I didnt hold such standards so im being so unfair doing this to myself. Yes I ruminate constantly and im seeking reasurance all the time and im Searching the internet all the time and catastrophising.

[PolarBear]

Guess what you need to do.

[Guest Lyn77]

Im not sure!? Just stop doing it all...yes I know this. Im normally so good with accepting and refocussing but this time it feels such a strong compulsion..like I have to figure it all out some how

[PolarBear]

Yeah you need to work on resisting those compulsions. All of them. You'll have to accept what your obsession is telling you too.

Edited September 2, 2014 by PolarBear

[vintagegirl]

don't try to work your feelings out hun, you are caring the abortion doesn't mean your a horrible person at all, but you have to stop trying to figure this out and acceot that you are a caring person, I had an abortion 6 years ago and yes it played heavily on my mind with my ocd, my ocd to focused on my kids and to me the abortion was 'evidence' I was a bad person and capable of harm. lies lies lies all ocd bullsh*t iv accepted that have faith in yourself hun xx

[Guest Victoria917]

Thank you. Yes I think in the past I was a more care free person. Now I have very high standards and morals and think I have violated my own beliefs...but at that time in the past I didnt hold such standards so im being so unfair doing this to myself. Yes I ruminate constantly and im seeking reasurance all the time and im Searching the internet all the time and catastrophising.

My OCD does this too...it keeps getting worse. As soon as I'm over one problem it comes up with another, so it's best not to engage these thoughts. My OCD tells me ridiculous things like that I'm a zoophile or a pedophile and I know none of those things are true.

[Guest Lyn77]

Thank you for replying. I think i know how to handle these thoughts. I just get so scared when ocd hits me with new things..just when I get over something it is something else. Xx