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Guest Azamour

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Guest Azamour

I have been suffering from OCD about my sexuality for the last year. It has been a tough year and I didn't want to treat it as OCD because I was afraid that I was repressing a part of me. Last week I decided I can't go on like this. Something needed to change. I refocused and redefined my obsessions as OCD. This is what they are. I may be a little bi but the way my mind treats it is definitely OCD.

I won't lie the last week has been tough but after 5 days I have made a lot of progress. My find is focused on these worries all my waking hours but now I am on the way to developing a certainty I my mind. I am straight. I have a girlfriend. I have OCD. Relabeling these constant thoughts has given me clarity. I am not hiding anything from the world. I am not living a lie. I am a man who is on the way back to leading a happy and healthy life.

I have a long way to go but I can feel my mind turning. I have been meditating aswell which I have found very useful. When meditating I face situations that I fear. Doing this with a clear mind allows to me to access my true feelings. It gives me strength. With this and the help of people on board I hope my journey continues on this path.

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Hi Azamour.

Good for you.

You have confirmed the real you, and outed and uncloaked the OCD that seeks to destabilise you.

It's a powerful foe, and will keep on trying to claw you back at this stage - so be ready for that, then label it and apply a distraction.

if you keep on ruminating on the intrusions that will set you back, so if you can't resist the compulsion to ruminate, use exposure and response prevention - keep seeking to experience the anxiety as you resist, then keep extending the time between the compulsion to ruminate and giving in and ruminating - gradually in this way you will should be able to weaken that compulsion.

Mediating is helpful - you are using it as an ERP tool itself, and that's an interesting application which is usually done by a therapist encouraging the patient to bring up the thought and focus on it and experience the anxiety until it eases off, so you are on a good path with that too.

Edited by taurean
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Guest Azamour

Thanks. Today has been difficult. Just after this post someone posted a picture of me and a friend of mine on Facebook. We both have out t shirts off and look pretty gay. This has caused me massive anxiety today.

My fear partially originates because I think people think I'm gay so I am quite concerned about how I appear. Also I have to go to a function tonight so I am a bit nervous about that now.

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Guest Azamour

The social event I attended last night went well in the end. I was very anxious beforehand and was even considering not going to meet some close friends in case they thought I was gay. I feel foolish for worrying about these these social events in advance and then they pass off fine... unless my anxiety causes problems.

Ironic that we are really fighting against ourselves.

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Guest Azamour

Thanks binx. The last week has been challenging but I am definitely heading in the right direction. I feel like I am almost able to cope again. The most important thing has been labelling my doubts as OCD. Being able to categorise it has given me strength. I am not weird. It's a medical condition that lots of people suffer from.

I'm back in work today and my head is clearer than it has been for a Monday in a long time. My OCD spikes on social occasions and weekends so I usually have a hangover on Monday after this. Today feels better though!!!

I will see my counsellor tonight. I think I will take a break from counselling and focus on meditation for a while. I don't think she really views my issue as ocd. I feel deep down she thinks I am repressing my sexuality as just rehash the same stuff each week. Has anyone else experienced this issue with counselling?

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Guest jayjay89

Hi, I had a therapist flat out tell me he thought I was gay. I'm not gay, he just didn't understand ocd.

Glad to hear you are coping better :)

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Guest Azamour

It's a difficult one. I think a lot of therapists are from the school of thought that people repress homosexuality as this is something that has been discussed for a far longer time so there is probably more research done and literature available on it.

I think Freud believed that everyone is bisexual to an extent.

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I think Freud also pushed the idea that everything was formed in our childhood, which led my sister to blaming my parents for her upbringing affecting her mental state.

My sister was subsequently, correctly, diagnosed with OCD - vindicating my view her issues were not to do with our childhood, but more OCD forming.

Interestingly folks, we both have OCD, but entirely different forms of it. and it is genetic in our case, because it runs in my father's line.

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Guest Azamour

I think my Dad has OCD but he has never been diagnosed with it. He's certainly going around in a world of his own and is quite closed about it.

So it's exactly a week since I have started treating my condition as OCD and I am starting to feel better already. I would say my obsessions are down 50% maybe more. Today I was smiling and happy because I realised I don't need to check out every person I pass on the street to see if I am attracted to them. Its a relief!!! I'm better in work. I can feel my confidence coming back and I don't need to feel like I'm hiding something from people.

I have a song in my head which is useful as it gets stuck in my head, reminds me about my OCD and keeps things light. To the tune of Upside Down by Diana Ross....

OCD
You're turning me
You're taking love instinctively


OCD

Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round


OCD

Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round

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Guest jayjay89

Good job man!!! You are doing an awesome job!

Love the song :)

I actually found it quite similar, when I stopped worrying/checking the gayness it went away pretty fast. Just stay vigilant for slip ups :)

Edited by jayjay89
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Guest Azamour

When I say a 50% improvement that's coming from a place where it was always on my mind or the next thing on my mind so its still very prominent. I am however glad of the small breaks which spur me on.

I have been treated for OCD several years ago so I guess its easier the second time around. During the last year I have not viewed my anxieties and obsessions as OCD. I have been through a difficult year and it is only now that I have the strength to take stock and treat them as obsessions.

Edited by Azamour
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Guest Azamour

A note of caution. My mind just did this.... You're doing great getting over this so quickly. That's weird it seems to take other people longer. Maybe its not OCD. You're in denial. Seriously. Gotta watch this ****!!!!

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