Guest Azamour Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I have been suffering from OCD about my sexuality for the last year. It has been a tough year and I didn't want to treat it as OCD because I was afraid that I was repressing a part of me. Last week I decided I can't go on like this. Something needed to change. I refocused and redefined my obsessions as OCD. This is what they are. I may be a little bi but the way my mind treats it is definitely OCD. I won't lie the last week has been tough but after 5 days I have made a lot of progress. My find is focused on these worries all my waking hours but now I am on the way to developing a certainty I my mind. I am straight. I have a girlfriend. I have OCD. Relabeling these constant thoughts has given me clarity. I am not hiding anything from the world. I am not living a lie. I am a man who is on the way back to leading a happy and healthy life. I have a long way to go but I can feel my mind turning. I have been meditating aswell which I have found very useful. When meditating I face situations that I fear. Doing this with a clear mind allows to me to access my true feelings. It gives me strength. With this and the help of people on board I hope my journey continues on this path. Link to comment
taurean Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 (edited) Hi Azamour. Good for you. You have confirmed the real you, and outed and uncloaked the OCD that seeks to destabilise you. It's a powerful foe, and will keep on trying to claw you back at this stage - so be ready for that, then label it and apply a distraction. if you keep on ruminating on the intrusions that will set you back, so if you can't resist the compulsion to ruminate, use exposure and response prevention - keep seeking to experience the anxiety as you resist, then keep extending the time between the compulsion to ruminate and giving in and ruminating - gradually in this way you will should be able to weaken that compulsion. Mediating is helpful - you are using it as an ERP tool itself, and that's an interesting application which is usually done by a therapist encouraging the patient to bring up the thought and focus on it and experience the anxiety until it eases off, so you are on a good path with that too. Edited July 26, 2014 by taurean Link to comment
Guest Shannon Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Well done! Wishing you strength and happiness x Link to comment
Guest Azamour Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Thanks. Today has been difficult. Just after this post someone posted a picture of me and a friend of mine on Facebook. We both have out t shirts off and look pretty gay. This has caused me massive anxiety today. My fear partially originates because I think people think I'm gay so I am quite concerned about how I appear. Also I have to go to a function tonight so I am a bit nervous about that now. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Work hard to resist, stop your compulsions. Don't give your disorder any attention. Link to comment
Guest Azamour Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 The social event I attended last night went well in the end. I was very anxious beforehand and was even considering not going to meet some close friends in case they thought I was gay. I feel foolish for worrying about these these social events in advance and then they pass off fine... unless my anxiety causes problems. Ironic that we are really fighting against ourselves. Link to comment
Binxy Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Hi Azamour, Just applauding your posts in this thread. Keep up the good work. Binx Link to comment
Guest Azamour Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Thanks binx. The last week has been challenging but I am definitely heading in the right direction. I feel like I am almost able to cope again. The most important thing has been labelling my doubts as OCD. Being able to categorise it has given me strength. I am not weird. It's a medical condition that lots of people suffer from. I'm back in work today and my head is clearer than it has been for a Monday in a long time. My OCD spikes on social occasions and weekends so I usually have a hangover on Monday after this. Today feels better though!!! I will see my counsellor tonight. I think I will take a break from counselling and focus on meditation for a while. I don't think she really views my issue as ocd. I feel deep down she thinks I am repressing my sexuality as just rehash the same stuff each week. Has anyone else experienced this issue with counselling? Link to comment
Guest jayjay89 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Hi, I had a therapist flat out tell me he thought I was gay. I'm not gay, he just didn't understand ocd. Glad to hear you are coping better Link to comment
Guest Azamour Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 It's a difficult one. I think a lot of therapists are from the school of thought that people repress homosexuality as this is something that has been discussed for a far longer time so there is probably more research done and literature available on it. I think Freud believed that everyone is bisexual to an extent. Link to comment
Guest jayjay89 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Freud also thought everyone wanted to have sexy times with their parents... :/ Link to comment
taurean Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I think Freud also pushed the idea that everything was formed in our childhood, which led my sister to blaming my parents for her upbringing affecting her mental state. My sister was subsequently, correctly, diagnosed with OCD - vindicating my view her issues were not to do with our childhood, but more OCD forming. Interestingly folks, we both have OCD, but entirely different forms of it. and it is genetic in our case, because it runs in my father's line. Link to comment
Guest Azamour Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I think my Dad has OCD but he has never been diagnosed with it. He's certainly going around in a world of his own and is quite closed about it. So it's exactly a week since I have started treating my condition as OCD and I am starting to feel better already. I would say my obsessions are down 50% maybe more. Today I was smiling and happy because I realised I don't need to check out every person I pass on the street to see if I am attracted to them. Its a relief!!! I'm better in work. I can feel my confidence coming back and I don't need to feel like I'm hiding something from people. I have a song in my head which is useful as it gets stuck in my head, reminds me about my OCD and keeps things light. To the tune of Upside Down by Diana Ross.... OCDYou're turning meYou're taking love instinctively OCD Boy, you turn meInside outAnd round and round OCD Boy, you turn meInside outAnd round and round Link to comment
PolarBear Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 All that after just one week? Woah. Go for it! Link to comment
Guest jayjay89 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 (edited) Good job man!!! You are doing an awesome job! Love the song I actually found it quite similar, when I stopped worrying/checking the gayness it went away pretty fast. Just stay vigilant for slip ups Edited July 29, 2014 by jayjay89 Link to comment
Guest Azamour Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 (edited) When I say a 50% improvement that's coming from a place where it was always on my mind or the next thing on my mind so its still very prominent. I am however glad of the small breaks which spur me on. I have been treated for OCD several years ago so I guess its easier the second time around. During the last year I have not viewed my anxieties and obsessions as OCD. I have been through a difficult year and it is only now that I have the strength to take stock and treat them as obsessions. Edited July 29, 2014 by Azamour Link to comment
Guest Azamour Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 A note of caution. My mind just did this.... You're doing great getting over this so quickly. That's weird it seems to take other people longer. Maybe its not OCD. You're in denial. Seriously. Gotta watch this ****!!!! Link to comment
PolarBear Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Tell your thoughts to take a hike and keep going. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now