Jump to content

Hello, my Name is Shannon, I am Diagnosed OCD, Depression and Aspergers


Guest Venvel

Recommended Posts

Guest Venvel

Hello, my name is Shannon; but I commonly use "Venvel" as an alias on the web. I live in Maryland, am currently 27, and am female in identity, body and biology.

I've had OCD for as long as I can remember. When I was four I would dodge around mushrooms on the lawn, fearing they would poison me. At 27 I am more afraid of parasites and rejection. Needless to say, I freak out a little whenever I get so much as indigestion or a stiff jaw. I have a bit of a hard time engaging people unless I sense a topic I am interested in. Often I retrospectively think I gush a lot when I do get talking, and I'm afraid I'm overwhelming people (again, retrospectively; It's hard for me to stop being excited while my mouth is in top gear).

So...What to say? the nature of my OCD seems to shift from year to year. When I was young I was extremely compulsive, doing things such as licking my shoe when I saw something dirty (probably to reassure myself that dirt wouldn't kill me...I wasn't too savvy at six and it was some weird sort of cycle). As a teen, I was afraid of causing physical harm to others or being inexplicably poisoned. I would often freeze up completely in anxiety attacks. The latter fear carried on into college, along with an inferiority complex that I am still suffering from. Severely. It is so bad, that after getting fired once from a job doing Photoshop work (I have a BA) I have not pursued another job in the arts. In my own defense, the people who fired me also had me handling logistics, communications and social networking, which were not in the job description. I was there for 90 days. Now, I work retail full-time. I never feel like I do a good job on anything...Although I am a perfectionist.

Enough with my sad stories (they're just the tip of the iceberg anyway). Like I said, I am an artist. I have actually given my OCD faces. They are ugly bleeps; I would like to show them but I do not know this forum's policy on images of creepy, Lovecraftian monsters. They are not inappropriate, but they do look like something that would happen if Ralph Steadman and Guillermo del Toro collided minds, or at least that's what I say to myself as a self-compliment.

Well, then. Hello all!

Link to comment
Guest Sisyphus

Hi Shannon,

Interesting introduction.

Bring on the Cthulus!

In my experience, there's plenty of bad opportunities out there that are sold as good ones. I imagine you simply have not had a genuine decent opportunity get settled in, train up and prove yourself yet. I found that getting on in work was far much more about playing the game, cutting corners, doing a quick job instead of a good job, and generally being a little devious. I am nothing like all that so I failed pretty miserably! I dont think it's us that's wrong though - I think the world of work is broken. Maybe you'd be better off doing your own website with your art on? Or cartoons maybe, like Perry Bible Fellowship. Ok Im out of my depth again :(

Welcome to the forum,

David.

Link to comment
Guest heartplace

Hi Shannon!

You and I are kind of in the same boat. My symptoms started when I was about 6 maybe. And they started with separation anxiety and health obsessions.

I'm a writer and photographer, and while I can show my photography off to others easily, I can't show my writing to hardly anyone. I do well to show my sister and my best friend. I'm sensitive to criticism, mainly when it's not constructive, and I'm a hardcore perfectionist. Since the last bit of bad criticism I received, I haven't shown my writing off much to anyone. Do you ever feel like something is missing when you don't show others your artwork?

Hope you can find the help you're looking for on this site :) It's a great tool in addition to therapy.

Candy

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...