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DATING SOMEONE WITH OCD - HELP


Guest santiago8

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Guest santiago8

Hi

My name is Felipe, I'm 25 years and I'm currently in a new relationship with someone who has it. I don't intend to do this anonymously as I feel like I don't need to hide. So let me get this out of my chest by giving you a quick history about me.

I have been in a relationship for 6 years with the same guy, sadly my partner passed away last year due to leukaemia, which still hard for me to come to terms with. Since that, I have been in a ugly place (emotionally), still going through the process of grief.

Since he passed away, I have had a few night stands, looking for that void that seemed so big that nothing in this world could take that pain away, night stands that has brought even more grief. So for a period of time, I locked myself away emotionally from the guys I met, built a wall where i wouldn't let anyone climb it.

Early in November, I went on a dating app (grindr) and met this guy, which only lives a few miles away from me (a bonus when you don't drive), our first day was an eventful date, as I have bumped into some of my ex partners friend (awkward!!), as the night went on, I felt really good while getting to know this one, but in the back of my mind I had that wall standing with a big poster sign DONT LET HIM IN!!

We went on for a few more dates, and he told me about his anxieties problems, that he has OCD since he was a teenager, that he's never been able to be in a relationship with anyone for more then a couple of months. The physical attraction to me is still there, I find him extremely good looking, there's a not too big age cap between us, he's 34 but I don't mind it.

As I get to know him, I got to know for what he is, and not for what he looks like, I just connected to him in a deeper level, I felt like he needed so much "love" or to have someone by his side saying "it's going to be ok". After a few weeks of dating, he asked my so dreaded question, WHAT ARE WE? Because I felt I couldn't let him go, I felt like it was time I let that wall down, and said to him i'd like us to exclusive.

Part of me, was asking me all the time, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THINK? YOUR EX BEEN GONE FOR ONLY 1 YEAR! So I pushed all those thoughts away as I got closer to this guy. We have a lot in common, we laugh about the same silly things. When I first saw him, I also saw how different we are when it comes to fashion, but I quickly learnt to look past that, and see him for what he really is.

Maybe that's my problem, always trying to see the good in people, with my caring nature, always wanting to please and make sure the other person was ok. I think part of this was due to the fact for the last two years, I was looking after my ex and was constantly checking if he was ok.

As this relationship was progressing, I made the terrible mistake of telling him I was starting to have feeling for him, I told him I was in love with him, I think I expressed myself the wrong way, but the evidence was there, I couldn't take back the 'Im in love with you'. That only triggered his OCD further. I saw a subtle change in him, he became more quiet, and that triggered mine even more.

I understand that he has never been in a proper relationship, and I should be able to enjoy his company, rather questioning if he one day will like me. That's the thing when you loose someone you care, makes you feel like you're always at the edge, questioning everything, every detail... even the intonation of his voice.

I am in a freak out stage, I care a lot about this guy, but constantly scared or worried that he will break up with me. And the thought that it brings it's painful, makes you ask yourself and tell yourself I MUST BE UGLY, I DON'T TURN HIM ON.

I'm not sure anyone will ever read or reply to this, but this has helped me to take that anxiety of my chest. I like being around him, he makes me feel like there's something more, that i'm not alone. In theory, all I want is someone who can one day, look at me and say I really like for what you are, to feel wanted, to feel like I made a difference to someone's day.

I feel like my heart can't possibly be broken when it's not even whole to start with. He told me that he's going to see a therapist, which to me, was one of the best thing he could tell me, I want him well more then anything, and i've told him he can open up to me whenever he feels like something is bothering him.

We seem to have a very open relationship when it comes to talking about our own feelings. I like where this is going, and how much is trying to change and give himself a chance of being happy. All i want is a bit of peace of mind, but in the back of my mind it keeps playing, prepare yourself for the breakup.

Thanks for reading!

Edited by santiago8
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Hi santiago8,

I hope the therapy will be a big help for your boyfriend. As long as he's open with his therapist & sticks to his treatment & works at getting better, he'll feel a lot better in himself.

All you can do is support him & ask him to be open with you.

I wish you both the best of luck,

Symps :original:

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Welcome to the forums Felipe. First let me say how sorry I am for your loss, cancer sucks and steals far too many loved ones from us too soon. I think the worries you have are all very reasonable given the loss you have been through and it's encouraging that you are able to move forward with your life and have new relationships.

Being in a relationship always comes with challenges, and being in a relationship with someone who has OCD offers a different set of challenges for sure. That said it's absolutely possible to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship even with those difficulties. One thing that's important is that your partner is doing the right things to overcome the OCD and it sounds like he's willing to do that since he's seeing a therapist. For you I would recommend learning what you can about OCD both here on the site and possibly at some point when your boyfriend is ready by going with him to his therapy. It can be tough when your partner is struggling to know what to do, how best to help him, and learning about OCD will better prepare you for that. I also recommend popping in to th friends and family forum I'm sure there will be some gray support and advice there!

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