Accepting ocd

[Guest Rosiemarie88]

I have recently come to accept I have ocd (great in a way as the madness isn't really me) I have started seeing a counsellor but I think maybe I need to see an ocd specialist? Only had one session though so time will tell. As most of us probably do, I believe myself to have an extreme case and numerous triggers/rituals/compulsions ect. My main ones are;

Intrusive thoughts

Seeking assurance

Checking

Germs

Then within each of those it feels to me there are sub categories. For example with the checking I re read emails over and over for dear I have written something in appropriate, if I send a letter I open it up and check there is nothing in there that shouldn't be, like another piece of paper, worried people will misinterpret anything I say and I have to reaffirm with them what I said. Worried people are annoyed with me... There is so much!!

I currently feel very anxious all the time and depressed. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't have the energy to wash my hair or have a bath. I can have a shower if my bf come with me ( not sexual it's the last thing I want right now) I don't want to see family on case I have an inappropriate thought and then I feel compelled to tell them. I work in a law firm so this is all incredibly impacting my work. I'm scared all the time. I am hoping to find support on here and find some normality within myself again.

My relashionship is being neglected and we have only just brought our first home last year and I am ruining it all.

I want my life back

[taurean]

Hi there

Are you in a company private medical scheme? If so check out if it will pay for some private specialist treatment for you for your OCD.

Mine did.

Does the firm know about your OCD?

Check the drop downs from the main OCD-UK website for more guidance.

[Guest Rosiemarie88]

I have confounded in one person there about ocd/anxiety but this now plays on my mind of what I have said and what does she think I said or what does she think. I don't want my work to know, I don't feel they need to as I know I will worry more.

My work don't have that scheme but after a month or so if I feel the ocd is not being addressed in counselling I will look for an ocd physiatrist. As I said it is early days.

Would just love to relax and not feel like something bad is going to happen all the time!

[Guest Rosiemarie88]

*confinded not confounded!

[Symps07]

Hi Rosiemarie88,

Welcome to the forum

What you have written down all sounds very familiar to me, you do tend to find with OCD you will get different 'themes'.

I've had intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature, obsessions over checking things, ruminations over religion & whether I am a good person, hygeine, magical thinking, etc...

The amount of letters or cards I have written, sealed, & then re-opened to make sure I haven't written something offensive, I've lost count.

I'm glad you are seeing someone, a CBT therapist is who will normally helps you to deal with OCD, so hopefully your councillor with refer you to one.

Like taurean say's, have a look at the 'what is OCD' part of the website, it is helpful to gain knowledge on this disorder.

Regards

Symps

[Guest Rosiemarie88]

Thank you

I will look at that after I write this.

[taurean]

Thers is also stuff on finding a therapist telling family members.

[Guest Rosiemarie88]

I have had a look and to be honest I have done so much research that most of it was familiar.

I know the thoughts are not real but it sometimes feels like I have 2 parts of my brain, me- that knows this is all ridiculous and needs to be ignored and the other part that lives in fear all day!

Just need to make the me part more confident.

I can't even pick what to eat or wear anymore for fear I will make a wrong decision that will impact my life in a bad voodoo kind of way! I also know this is silly

[Symps07]

Thank you

I will look at that after I write this.

Thers is also stuff on finding a therapist telling family members.

I must say, having people know & understand is a great help. If you can find people who you trust & will listen is a great help :original:

[Guest Rosiemarie88]

I have told my mum, sister, bf and a friend. But this now just causes me stress of seeing them again or will they tell someone if they have a drink ect. One of the things I hate are my guilt compulsions to tell people

[Symps07]

I have told my mum, sister, bf and a friend. But this now just causes me stress of seeing them again or will they tell someone if they have a drink ect. One of the things I hate are my guilt compulsions to tell people

OCD fear will ALWAYS find the worst scenario in any situation.

You know who you trust, but OCD will make you suspicious. You'll reassure yourself you can trust them, "But what if they get drunk & just blurt it out?", will pop into your head.

When you start questioning the where's, the why's, the what ifs? You usually tend to start ruminating. You'v got to stop yourself doing this as it's a compulsion.

You have to try & keep these thoughts from running riot in your head.

[Guest Rosiemarie88]

Ruminating is something I haven't heard of before? From having a quick look on the web it seems to been worrying about your problem? Is that correct?

[Symps07]

Ruminating is something I haven't heard of before? From having a quick look on the web it seems to been worrying about your problem? Is that correct?

Yeah kind of, it's indulging your thoughts. Debating back & forth but everytime you find an answer, you get another question, so it never gets resolved.

If you go on the OCD UK webpage, click on 'Learn about OCD' then 'Types of OCD', you can read up on it on there.