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I'm trying. I haven't been posting but I'm in a bad way, please help.


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Hi all,

So I've really not been posting on the forums for every OCD thought, episode I've been having, but yesterday I felt even lower and just really unsure.

I was driving home from work, and there was a cyclist infront of me, I overtook them, but then I worried about them, which is an OCD thought, I should have drove home.

Instead I drove up a bit, then pulled into the local horse stables bit, and waited until I seen the cyclist appear, then felt happy I hadn't overtook them dangerously and went to pull out and continue home.

My problem is, I didn't see there was a car with their roof down behind me, who was just leaving the polo club/stables.

I pulled out, and I think I pulled out a bit quick, and there was dust, because its a dust track kind of bit before you pull out onto the road, then the car with the roof down pulled out and went the other way.

This has got me into such a panic, the dust. I created dust when I pulled away, and the dust has alot of horse dung on it.

I'm so scared now, by me pulling in there in a panic, and pulling out without seeing who was behind me, the driver who had no roof and windows down, would have inhaled some of the dust, with horse dung particles etc in it, and they could get ill and die or get it in their eye and something horrible.

I'm so stressed by this thought, my other ones I've had the past few days/weeks I've eventually been able to cope with, but this one feels different.

I am so stressed I don't know what to do.

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Not sure if this is a reassurance or not but I have never heard of someone getting ill from horse feces. My cousin works at a ranch and takes care of horses and she's exposed to that stuff all the time and has not gotten sick or died from it.

Try not to overthink the situation, easier said than done, I know but OCD gets you stuck in it's web of lies and deception by making you ruminate on what happened.

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Thanks Nicolette.

I just feel so guilty for even pulling in in the first place.

I don't know why I didn't see she had her roof and windows down. Dust inhaling could be really dangerous. I just want to curl into a ball and go to bed.

I'm at work and I don't feel like I'm in a good head space at all. I keep thinking that I'll never know if I did make her get an illness, I really don't know how I can not worry, I feel so guilty for not being careful enough.

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I did have a few good days Ascend, now I feel like it's slipping back, I feel really low.

I don't know if I've harmed this woman, and I hate the thought of going about my daily business feeling this way.

I shouldn't be doing nice things if I've done that to someone :(

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Gem, I'm struggling bad too at the moment too and I feel for you. The truth is that the dust may have contained germs. But then again if he was in an open back car his car is probably full of them and driving through the countryside I'm sure many more will find their way in. It isn't your responsibility to worry about other people. Maybe it will make him unwell. Maybe it won't. Maybe he crashed 2 mile down the road. Who knows? Get on with something else.

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what is the point of anything if i caused them a disease?

Because you have no way of knowing if ANYTHING you do will cause somebody harm. You can only get on with your every day life and be as nice to people as you can. If everybody worried the world would stop.

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I guess that's true.

But I guess most people might do stuff and no realize, the fact is I have, and I can't now change if this person falls in.

It was my fault for pulling in there anyway, your not even meant to pull in there.

Why did that car have to leave right behind me I've spoiled everything.

It's such a dust dirt road with horse muck.

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Dust with horse much inhaled is dangerous though.

someone having inhaled that isn't exactly good.

and I made dust by me,pulling in due to a compulsion, and driving off without even checking that someone was waiting behind me to pull out?

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This is about your reaction to the situation.

Hopefully you can get help in understanding when a situation is worthy of concern and when it is not. So far you have looked at every situation through hyperresponsible eyes that see threats where there are none.

Edited by PolarBear
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I've been good though recently, coping with the thoughts not posting etc, but this one, I feel more concerned, which makes me think it is a real threat, as the other ones have mabye been slightly easier to move on from?

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Really struggling today.

This thought is still strong in my head. So worried about the dust and the inhaling.

Feel so worried someone in my work used one of the antibacterial wipes, and I was saying to everyone how I'm funny about stuff like that, and we were just chatting about stuff and I was saying I do wash my hands quite a bit.

Anyway I remembered by work colleague had someone who was ill from an infection.

Now I'm worried I've triggered that bad memory for them, or made them feel guilty.

I feel really horrible :( I was just chatting, I realize I shouldn't say stuff like this

Now I'm even worried now that I've mentioned OCD they'll read this????

Help :(

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