Can anyone relate?

[Poirot]

I've had OCD for a very long time. It's difficult to pinpoint exactly when my symptoms started but I'd say I would've been about 10 or 11, so coming up to 10 years pretty soon.

For most of this time, my obsessions have been about harm and generally just the fear that I could subconsciously be a bad person. I used to go through (and still do) periods of absolute self-loathing, feeling as though I didn't deserve to live etc. But for a while, I've had this whole 'meta-OCD' thing going on, like "am I just using OCD as an excuse to be horrible when there are people out there who genuinely suffer from this?" "do I feel anxious enough about this? should I be feeling anxious?"

This whole process just drives me nuts - I know it so well. So sometimes when a horrible intrusive thought comes into my mind, along with the horror of it I feel angry. It's a 'I can't believe this **** is happening again, why can't these stupid thoughts just leave me alone?' kind of anger - absolute frustration and exasperation.

I was wondering if this sort of thing is normal in OCD and if anyone else could relate? I keep worrying that "if I really had OCD I'd hate myself and I'd feel nothing but guilt, yet here I am feeling ****** off. What on earth is wrong with me?"

[Guest ocdgirl]

I think you've just had enough. I'm 23 and, like you, I've had OCD since I was 11. My reactions to the thoughts and obsessions have ranged from despair and self loathing to punching the wall in frustration. We've wasted enough time with this disorder and we have every right to tell it to **** off.