Hi from US!

[Guest heartplace]

So first things first...I'm Candy, I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 15. That was almost six years ago, and my OCD hasn't gotten much better.

Basically, I started out with Harm OCD, then OCD of the religious scrupulosity kind. Then it spread to the fear of contamination, germs, HOCD, ROCD, etc...and now I'm OCD in nearly every way imaginable.

When I was diagnosed, I made my case of it sound significantly less severe than it actually is. The reason for this was because I had no idea that Harm OCD was OCD at all! I thought I was seriously planning to do something wrong all those years, so I went untreated for a more severe case.

My OCD went into remission for a while. Then this past summer, I had a bout of depression. Then I began to read about OCD because I was still ignorant of it. I started to realize that since the time I was diagnosed, I was suffering. So now I'm on Paxil, 20mg a day. I'm in the process of getting a new doctor so I plan on asking about a different medication, because I hate what it's doing to me. I feel emotionally numb sometimes, *and* it seems to be hindering my creativity. I used to be really interested in writing fiction, now it's taking all I can to just develop characters for a novel!

I will also be seeing about getting some CBT, hopefully that will help me.

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi Candy,

I think everyone's gone to bed this side of the pond apart from me.

I've heard other people mention about this emotional numbing and lack of creativity. It bothers me because I'm being leaned on to take meds before CBT but I don't really want to. Took them for a long time on and off something like 10 years ago and I didn't find they helped so decided I wouldn't take them again. But you get two versions of events - pro-meds people saying it's like the key to getting better, and anti-meds people saying they don't work and have all these horrible side effects. I remember I was unable to cry for the longest time after going on meds last time. And it dried my tongue out which didn't seem to get better even after I stopped taking them. Powerful stuff.

What kind of books do you write?

Well it's good you caught your OCD young so there's a lot of hope of kicking its butt and geting on with your life eh. I only found out I had it when I was 41 after 25 years thinking I was just a bit weird, or clinically depressed according to my lazy doctor.

Anyway welcome to this forum - I hope you meet some like-minded folk who can help with your OCD.

David.

Edited March 30, 2014 by Sisyphus

[Guest heartplace]

Thanks David!

When I first ever took Paxil, I felt great. Then I went off of it. After a few months my OCD came back with a vengeance! So I went back on it because I remembered how good I felt when I started it. But now it's not working as effectively as before! I felt like a robot for a little while. That subsided, but now I just feel like I don't care as much as I used to. And most of my OCD symptoms are still there.

I write mostly historical fiction, think late 18th century England. But I'm also wanting to venture into the middle ages, the renaissance, the WWI era, and I'm even considering writing some sci-fi.

I would like to get over this. I think this is a lifelong deal, but as long as I can really get it under control I'll be happy!

By the way I just noticed the pinned topic of not using OCD acronyms...sorry!

Edited March 30, 2014 by heartplace

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi Candy,

I've heard a few people talk about this dropping-off of a drug's efficacy. Seems a common thread with SSRIs. I've read they aren't supposed to stop OCD symptoms as such but are meant to reduce anxiety to allow people to better do therapies like The 4 Steps. I'd like to believe it's possible to do those therapies without drugs but every medical practitioner I speak to is keen for me to go the drug route. I sometimes wonder if anyone really knows what they're talking about with these maladies of the mind.

Wow - your job sounds amazing. I wish I was a writer. Then again, I imagine that you have to do a large amount of research for some of the historical books, so I'm not sure I'd be up to that. My OCD has somehow reduced my ability to read and it's a real chore for me now. I'd like to be able to write science fiction but I'm not sure I'd be able to come up with clever enough ideas, let alone actually write a story to go with them. Did you do any academic training to be a writer or is it something you are just naturally into?

18th Century England eh? Did you ever see the series by Simon Schama or David Starkey about English/British history? Might be useful for background information. Maybe not, I don't really know what I'm talking about dammit!

I agree it's probably a lifelong deal *but* it seems that successfully following therapies like CBT or The 4 Steps can result in substantial changes in brain chemistry/wiring that give people control back over their own lives, and arm them with ways of combatting future OCD-worthy situations. Doesn't seem to work for everybody but it's a glimmer of hope at least.

Oh I don't mind you using the acronyms. This site discourages it but people seem to want to talk in those terms regardless, so why not let them. Mine is Pure O by the way. D'oh - red card for me there.

Oh and I meant to say, don't be too discouraged by the lack of response on this "introduce yourself" section - ironically it seems to be a very quiet part of the forum and oft gets overlooked. Posting on the OCD forum tends to get a better response. You know how it is on forums though - some days no-one bites for some reason.

David.

Edited March 30, 2014 by Sisyphus

[Guest heartplace]

Hi Sisyphus,

I was put on Paxil shortly before moving. After the move, my newer doctor had me put on an SNRI and I ended up quitting Paxil without tapering. The SNRI worked for maybe a few weeks, then it just quit working! So later last year was when I was put back on Paxil and as I mentioned before, it's not as effective as before.

Being a writer is fun if you can maintain your motivation to get a book written. I do have to do a lot of research. I still don't trust myself with historical accuracy yet, lol. I haven't seen those! I'll have to look into them, could be helpful. I need to get some books too, and read up on each time period I'm interested in.

Lol I have Pure O too. I guess that's basically what I was saying in my inital post. I had never heard of Pure O until a few months ago, and then found an article about it on Google one day. I was surprised at how much I could relate!

Candy

[Guest Sisyphus]

Candy,

I'm still weighing up the whole drugs/OCD issue. I'd like to believe it's possible to just do the therapy without drugs. We'll see. Everyone's different aren't they - no universal rules. For some people going on drugs isn't a choice so much as a necessity and maybe I'm one of those people. I haven't decided yet. Even a woman in a gift shop was trying to get me on drugs the other day so maybe the universe is trying to tell me something

I hope they can find you another drug that works for you again.

Historical accuracy would concern me. I think I'd go OTT and never start work on the book. Some of those documentaries are available to watch online. Perhaps I should stick to writing a child's picture book thinking about it!

Oh you have Pure O too? I failed to spot I had OCD for the longest time because I had a skewed idea of what it was. After the whole wrong diagnosis fiasco, I did occasional online searches, trying to match different mental disorders to my symptoms. But I could never find a match. Annoyingly I did include OCD in those, but I don't think the information available at the time covered my symptoms - well not the information I was reading anyway. So I missed it. It was only by chance I stumbled on a video someone had made about OCD which did include stuff about Pure O, that the bells started ringing loudly. It was such a bizarre thing, after all that time. I think I was really excited like I would be cured suddenly. Then I went through a lot of cross-questioning, over-analysis, and doubting whether I had it at all. Which was nuts in retrospect but I didn't fully undestand what it was either. Pure O sounds so refreshing and nice - they should rechristen it Headtorture O, or Trippingyourselfupevery5seconds O.

David.

Edited March 31, 2014 by Sisyphus

[Guest heartplace]

Yep, I seem to msotly meet people who are anti-drug and all about natural remedies.

I forgot to answer your last question about my writing! No I haven't done any academic training. I've been interested in writing for a long time. Everyone has a different writing style, so I just try to have my own style while still holding to the rules of grammar. Lol

Yep, I have Pure O. They really should rename it! I have compulsions in addition to the obsessions, so the name doesn't even make sense!

Candy

[Guest Sisyphus]

I've not heard anyone suggest any natural remedies though a lady in a shop last week(long story) was telling me about something beginning with H that I've annoyingly since forgotten - it was a kind of letter/number acronym like HCP4 or something. Pretty sure it's not that but may be very similar. My memory sucks at recalling stuff like that.

Well good on you for doing writing without the qualifications. Takes guts and gives me hope that I could try it one day(I know I know everyone thinks they can write!).

I can write poems though:

Obsessions are red,

Compulsions are blue,

Pure O sucks,

And this rhyme too.

I never thought of it that way - it does kind of suggest there's no compulsions doesn't it? Dumb name really.

David.