OCD and abuse

[Guest ananke]

(Trigger warning for mentions of abuse)

For the last couple of years I've been stalked and emotionally abused by a former partner. Part of what made their abuse so effective was my low self esteem and OCD. One of my major obsessions is that I am a terrible person, no matter what. I accept blame and responsibility like its my job. My abuser was very good at exploiting this and constantly made me feel like I was abusive and callous when all I wanted was for them to leave me alone. Since the abuse its something I think about constantly. I'm terrified they were right all along, even though they were the one following and harassing me. At one point I felt like a taint on the Earth and that I was damaging people around me just by being with them. Any sexual or romantic thoughts make me mentally scrub my mind with bleach (its hard to describe but its like I completely blank out my thoughts so my brain doesn't get contaminated?) I was wondering whether anyone else has ever experienced OCD and abuse? (If so I hope you're safe and happy now!)

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi Ananke,

I've struggled with unwanted sexual thoughts about people I genuinely dislike. It's like the direct opposite of what I want to think about - real abhorrent stuff. And I can appreciate this wanting to bleach your mind thing in response. I just have to take some time and remind myself of what's real what's not, what happened what didn't(it will try and convince me I went with this person when I didn't etc), or that they were a girlfriend when they were not bla bla bla. So I have to re-establish the facts until I'm satisfied. Annoying because I know it all really but somehow during those moments it feels very necessary and urgent to do that.

I can only imagine what it's like if it was a former partner.

Some people are very naturally skilled in manipulating people I'm afraid. Parasites. I mean how low would you have to be to seek somebody out with a problem and use it against them for your own advantage. Scum of the earth if you ask me. Probably a classic narcissist.

Can't you get a restraining order on this clown?

I've suffered abuse though different to what you've been through. It sent my OCD through the roof for a long time. I think it can take time to recover your self-esteem and work out you're not the terrible loser they would have had you believe, and that was just a cheap illusion they desperately wanted you to believe so they could take advantage of you. It's an extremely common thing unfortunately.

I wish you all the best, I really do.

David.

[Guest sunny1234]

I think some people play on OCD to gain control.

My ex-gf knows I've got OCD, and that I worry and become paranoid over little/non-existant things. We agreed to remain friends, but she would try and worry me to control me. For example, I'm planning a trip to Amsterdam with a few friends, with no intention of using any of the "special services" in the red light area. However, my ex-gf still tried to control me by saying "If you go to the red light zone, you WILL get HIV" - This was so so irresponsible that it tripped my OCD into thinking that I will just breathe that disease in, or if I accidentally cut myself with e.g. my own shaving razor, the disease will be in the tap water and I will get it etc. etc. etc. etc. - I know its all nonsense, but she was using my OCD to control me. This, combined with other things, left me with no choice but to completely cut contact with her altogether.

So I completely understand you OP, I know where you're coming from.

[Guest ananke]

Oh gosh sunny, you poor thing, I hope she's out of your life for good. Mine definitely used my mental illnesses against me, abusers often do. Thank you David, unfortunately by the time I wanted to file a restraining order my evidence was no longer usable (theres a six month cut off). It's ridiculously common, but no one feels they can talk about it. Its very frustrating.

[Guest Sisyphus]

Oh no. Why would there even be a 6 month cut off for something like that. Seems totally inappropriate. Bloody beaureaucrats.