findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'm going out of my mind someone please I think I've just touched my daughter on purpose please help oh my god why would I do that? everything has been going really good and now this has happened I'm sweating with panic I'm in bits oh my god please basically she just had a poo so I was cleaning it and it looked clean but I decided to wipe again to make sure and I saw her vagina hole next to her bum hole and I had like this thought to wipe it just because I could I guess idk and I did! I wiped it oh my god I am freaking out I don't deserve to live i basically just wiped my daughter on purpose Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 what would you advise to a sufferer who posted the same finding ? Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I dunno legend I really don't I'm panicking like crazy i feel like I should punish myself? why would I wipe her on purpose when it didn't need wiped!!! I love her why I really deserve to die Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Whats causing the severe panic and anxiety finding ? Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I don't know legend I'm so confused and scared I think I've just touched my daughter by acting on the thought of wiping her Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 the fears and unwanted thoughts and doubts , that are making you feel that way , hence the urge to ask for help Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 but I had a thought to wipe her in a certain place for satisfaction I guess and I did wipe her there!! I must've touched her:( Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 you are going over and over it finding , because you "fear" that you might of acted inappropiatly did you act innapropiatly , deliberatly , was that your intention ? Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 well it must be if I acted out the thought of wiping her? the bit I wiped is the bit between her genitals and her bumhole, the squishy bit. I don't know if I was just aware of it, had a thought to wipe it and because I did I'm thinking I touched her but I acted the thought out so I must've touched her, I remember thinking it looked soft and squishy maybe I wiped there because I had a thought I wanted to because it looked squishy idk but I definitely wiped her after I had the though and I can't work out if I wiped because I was going to anyway and wiped a couple of times even though she was clean or if I did because of the thought but then I think if that's the case why? I wouldn't feel anything different from every other time I've wiped her ugh I've just had to change her again cause she pooped and I was glad to so I could try and remember but i still can't Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 you dont need to remember you are being a normal mum with ocd What can happen is you are doing whats normal then a intrusive thought comes in at the same time , which causes huge panic !! it doesnt matter what actions you did , its the ocd thats the issue Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 okay say you're right, I went to wipe her again to make sure she was clean, had the thought of touching her in a certain area whilst wiping her...why did I wipe her in that area then? I did what the thought was about! Link to comment
Ascend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 You've made this topic a good five or six times now. When do you start fighting back against your OCD? Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 no I really haven't ascend this is totally different. the other times I had panicked I did something to her on purpose this time I know I wiped her in purpose. Link to comment
Ascend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 No its not, it's exactly the same. You're being hyper vigilant of your actions and twisting them to fit your own distorted view of yourself. You need to stop these checking behaviours. Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I don't know how you think that's being hyper vigilant though. It's like I saw the bit inbetween her bum and genitals, noticed what it looked like etc and hen wiped her there. why would I do that? surely if I was hyper vigilant I'd make sure I didn't touch her there? ******* sick of this Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 why are you questioning it all ? because we are giving you great advice to implement , but you arent, and are chasing your own tail take a breather, try to not out wit the ocd Link to comment
Ascend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 OK, well if I'm wrong and you genuinely abused her why are you still posting for reassurance on an OCD forum? Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 because I'm hoping I didn't? ugh I honestly don't know I'm trying to tell myself that I had an intrusive thought and wiped her because that's what I was going to do anyway but why would I wipe her again when I had already wiped to make sure she was clean... I just feel as though I already wiped her to make sure she was clean before I had that thought and then went back to wipe her because of it. Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 still going over and over finding , resist it , i know its hard , but try to change and refocus onto other things Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 how can I do that though legend? what I remember is having the thought to wipe that bit between her genitals and bum yeah? and then I remember myself wiping there because of that thought. I chose to wipe there. like I wiped there so I could feel it or something. do you see what I'm trying to say? I chose to wipe her there after having the thought knowing I was wiping for that reason! that's what I remember and it's killing me. I wiped her on purpose. if I had the thought then wiped her without the intention of wanting to wipe her there and knowing for a fact I was doing it to make she was clean this wouldn't be a problem but I know I wiped there on purpose Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I don't know what you mean I wiped her on purpose this is killing me I actually need to punish myself, I feel the need to go the police Link to comment
Guest legend Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) what will the police do , what will you gain by harming ? nothing you arent taking on board the advice, your going around in circles you did abc why a xyz happened, explained that, now you are going around in huge panic Stop going over it , resist it , then anxiety will dampen down Edited July 23, 2014 by legend Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I can't relax knowing I've done something so disgusting legend police will arrest me, self harming will punish me for doing something terrible I don't deserve my daughter, I feel as though she shouldn't be around me anymore Link to comment
findingithard Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I honestly don't think you understand what I've done I wiped my daughter on purpose knowing what I was doing, knowing I was wiping a certain area because I wanted to, she was already clean!!! i really just don't want to be living this right now, I can't deal with what I've done Link to comment
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