Sorry ... Another question

[Guest OCDQueen]

Hi sorry I have got another question.

Why is it that my OCD keeps jumping from one thing to another? One day I'm panicking that I might turn into a lesbian one day, and then next I am panicking about my feelings towards my fiancé, questioning and doubting things.

Plus, am I seeking reassurance keep posting things?

Thanks

[Guest jayjay89]

Hey OCDqueen,

You don't need to apologise for asking questions We will definitely let you know if any of us are worried that you aren't helping yourself by posting questions on here There have been people who were hurting themselves by constantly seeking reassurance and it's just the way the OCD beast works.

It depends on how you read your question - initially when I read it, I could see the reassurance seeking clearly - mostly because I identified with your question and have been in the same place (remember we have (you have, I had) that same theme of scared of being gay) and asked a similar question! But when I consider it further, I realise that without that personal identification, it could honestly just be a question with the sole intent of gaining information. I'm sure someone else will jump in with their take on this as well.

It's been my experience that OCD jumps from theme to theme for a couple of reasons and I am sure other people can add to this list

1) OCD can be present in many different themes at once - here is a link to a story I wrote, showing how many themes I had going at once, and they can all be of different severity. http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff-nation/assignments/share-your-news-and-views/10423921/Did-I-kill-someone-No-shush-OCD

For example currently my contamination and POCD is at its weakest (today I nursed a child that had recently been sick and I didn't avoid him or do any compulsions and I also didn't ruminate that I might have molested him at all) but my "just right" theme is quite strong, I had to drag myself away from polishing the fridge earlier. Not a contamination fear, I know its clean, but I wanted to clean it until it looked/I felt just right. When I forced myself not to do that, OCD chucked a couple of other previous concerns at me (Am I Gay? Did I stab my flatmate?) but because I have beaten these, I noticed them and shut them down. Now they are gone again, at some point in the future I am sure they will pop up again, but as I discard the themes over and over they are so much weaker I could just laugh at them.

2)high stress/anxiety levels, the racing thought effect, your OCD is jumping from port to port, trying to dig in and take root somewhere (ie, on a specific theme, so it can try to take ahold of more and more of your time by forcing you to engage in compulsions to grow and grow *) or the more anxious/stressed you are, the more "food" OCD has to use to take over.

3) you are actually starting to beat the current theme, so it starts looking for a new one, trying to maintain control, not allowing you to get better. Or you are just noticing other themes as you improve, its not uncommon for someone to start with one BIG theme, fix that and then realise they had a couple of smaller themes floating around that they have to deal with. Also trying to show you that its in control, trying to stop you from trying to improve! "why bother struggling against this, look it just jumps around, I am stuck I will never be ok etc etc"

4) you are doubting that you have OCD or that the treatment will work for you (the thought can be along the lines of, "no one knows how awful I feel, this cant be OCD" etc) so you are ruminating or looking for evidence that its not OCD and having heaps of themes isn't something that happens to everyone.

5) you could just be getting triggered by heaps of things - ie you could be having a bad day, seeing more triggers than usual.

Wow, I just wrote a novel, I hope you find some of that waffle helpful!

*I sort of look at OCD as parasite that floats around my brain trying to take over... sorry I am quite a visual person, my explanations may not make sense if you think in words ... haha :/

[Guest OCDQueen]

Jay this is great thank you. And it makes sense

Yeah most of the time I do just want the information so that I can gain as much knowledge as possible.

I have no confidence what so ever at the moment and because I am inpatient I just seem to be worrying that I will never get back to my normal self I will ruin everything iv got etc etc

Thank you xx

[Guest jayjay89]

Gaining knowledge is definitely an important part of beating OCD.

Glad that my waffle made some sense! it's awful, but OCD takes time to get better from - same as depression, or a broken leg, don't beat yourself up or be afraid that you are taking too long, you will loose what you have as you go through it etc etc, It takes as long as it takes, but sounds like you have great motivation to get better and are doing well. Ask whatever questions pop up and keep implementing the great advice you will get on here, there is so much experience and knowledge here, its an amazing resource.

Good luck!

[Guest OCDQueen]

Perhaps I need to remember it's just OCD to every doubt I have that makes me worry?? Because at the moment everything is a separate issue I am not looking at it all as being OCD x

[Guest jayjay89]

You are on the right track -where there is doubt about thoughts/feelings/emotions and your "core being" - YOU, keep your eyes peeled for OCD.

People not suffering with OCD have the exact same thoughts as us. But our OCD forces us to doubt ourselves and who we are because of/ in reaction to the thought. Where as people without OCD think it, then ignore it, because they don't have this OCD doubt, they can dismiss the thought and move on

[Guest fiatver]

Hello OCDQueen,

As jayjay89 has told you, OCD can change themes quite rapidly, sometimes in quick succession. And that's quite normal, when you train the brain to refuse to accept uncertainty ("I can't go on living unless I know I'm not a .....") the brain quickly learns that uncertainty is all around us and learns to reject uncertainty in other aspects of your life. Unless you accept that you don't know for sure, and align yourself and your actions with something stable (values) instead of something unstable (fear, guilt) you will just go round and round around the OCD carousel, changing themes.

It can be done, trust me, but it's very hard. Have a look at that video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9Tiht5Z8JM&index=7&list=UUJzijIM4ED3ukn0GJRWZwhw

and this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h62vlSj0KNg&list=UUJzijIM4ED3ukn0GJRWZwhw&index=18

The rule I follow for ERP and exposure in general is: If there is an urge involved, think before doing anything! Do you feel that you need to do something, correct something, do something before doing something else, do something to feel normal/right or to feel relief? That's what's keeping OCD alive.

For example:

Yeah most of the time I do just want the information so that I can gain as much knowledge as possible.

I have no confidence what so ever at the moment and because I am inpatient I just seem to be worrying that I will never get back to my normal self I will ruin everything iv got etc etc

If the reason why you posted here is that you have realised that there is uncertainty around the question of "will I ever recover?" and you try to cope with the uncertainty by trying to achieve certainty, then you could be making your OCD worse. I know it's really, really, really hard to accept uncertainty, but it's the only way to recovery. There is no way you can recover from OCD while doing the things that keep your OCD alive. It's like trying to extinguish the fire with gasoline.

Have a look at those videos and let me know what you think.

[Running Lover]

Hi I do this too. One minute I think I'm a peodaphile, next harm, next contamination, guilt, relationship, when I have a theme going on I can see that the others are ridiculous very strange :/

[Guest OCDQueen]

Thanks for your replies

Fiatver, thank you so much for showing me these videos. I have watched several now and there are some really good tips and advice in there!

X

[imhotep79]

For me, it changes theme everytime I feel reassured or not bothered anymore by the former theme.

Sometimes it even mixes 2-3 themes together and it's horrible

[Guest Anon]

Why is it that my OCD keeps jumping from one thing to another? One day I'm panicking that I might turn into a lesbian one day, and then next I am panicking about my feelings towards my fiancé, questioning and doubting things.

Hi OCDQueen,

I can relate to this. Over time, my OCD has morphed from one thing to another. I think it is quite common.

In my case, I discovered (through therapy and reading) that my OCD was being caused by deeper issues - insecurity, lack of identity, self esteem, perfectionism, heightened sense of responsibility, etc. I have found it necessary to work on these issues in an attempt to come to terms with OCD.

Anon

[Guest OCDQueen]

Anon, thank you. This would make a lot of sense. I have realised over the last week that it started a lot earlier than I actually thought, when me and my boyfriend were buying our first house, I was so scared that things would go wrong once we committed to buying a house. The other issue I have is I'm so scared of change. My boyfriends uncle died very suddenly of a heart attack a couple of years ago, he was only 42 and seeing his wife and young daughter grieve has been very upsetting and I think has caused a lot of my issues.

Then my cousin hung himself and I didn't grieve properly, didn't know how. Then bam, this happened!

So probably I do need to look a bit deeper

Thanks x

[Guest Anon]

Anon, thank you. This would make a lot of sense. I have realised over the last week that it started a lot earlier than I actually thought, when me and my boyfriend were buying our first house, I was so scared that things would go wrong once we committed to buying a house. The other issue I have is I'm so scared of change. My boyfriends uncle died very suddenly of a heart attack a couple of years ago, he was only 42 and seeing his wife and young daughter grieve has been very upsetting and I think has caused a lot of my issues.

Then my cousin hung himself and I didn't grieve properly, didn't know how. Then bam, this happened!

So probably I do need to look a bit deeper

Thanks x

Hi OCDQueen,

Yes, it looks as if your fear of change may be worth exploring. I feel empathy for what you must have been through.

Anon

[Guest OCDQueen]

Thank you. We all have our own barrel of **** though, so I didn't mean that to be 'woe is me' in any way!