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Relationship OCD...Please someone help


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I split with my boyfriend 5 months ago because i always used to convince myself i still loved my ex (which i didnt) used to have weird sexual thoughts about him they would pop into my mind at awkward times and it got to the point where i scared myself that much i had to tell my bf...we split up. We got back 2 weeks ago... i am over the moon, so happy. But the thoughts are coming back!! Not about my ex but about someone i was seeing in the 5 month we had been broken up... i feel physically sick. Its vile i hate it. I feel like i should let my bf go as he'd be better off without a weirdo like me :( I just want it to all stop. i hate my life because of it...someone please help



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The path forward is to stop giving attention to these thoughts. It's not easy but it's doable. The more attention you give the thoughts the stronger they will come back. The attention we give intrusive thoughts are called compulsions and you need to figure out what yours are. No doubt ruminating is one of them (deeply thinking about something without any resolution forthcoming). Confessing is also a type of compulsion.

Try to leave the thoughts alone without going over them in your mind.

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Thank you very much for you help :) It is hard for me to leave the thoughts alone, but that is definately something i have to work on.

Also no, i have had no help with my OCD, what do you think might help me?

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Hi Chelsea, there are two main approaches to treating OCD, and they can be and often are, used together.

The first is a type of therapy called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or CBT. This isn't what you might typically picture therapy to be, like lying on a couch talking to your therapist about your childhood. CBT is about learning how to change how we respond to things like the unwanted thoughts of OCD so we can break out of the negative cycles they cause. In a sense it's about retraining our brains to behave in a more non-OCD fashion. One particular type of technique used in CBT is called Exposure and Response Prevention or ERP. In ERP you intentionally (either on your own or with assistance) expose yourself to a thought or situation that causes you anxiety and instead of responding in a way that reinforces the fear, you make yourself wait out the fear. Essentially you get used to the scary thing until it doesn't bother you anymore. Some people are able to manage their OCD using CBT alone.

Some people on the other hand use medication to help deal with OCD. There are a number of drugs that can be used in the treatment of OCD, the most common belong to a family called SSRIs, which affect the neuro-transmitter serotonin. For reasons that are not quite understood, boosting levels of serotonin can reduce or eliminate symptoms of OCD, though it only does so while continuing to take the medication. Some people use these medications to help them get started on therapy and as they get a better handle on their OCD, are able to reduce or even stop taking the drugs. For others (such as myself) the medication is a more long term approach. While some people use medication alone in treating their OCD, it is recommended to incorporate therapy even if the medication is effective. Not only does has it been shown that combining the two is more effective than medication alone, but therapy provides you with valuable tools to help manage OCD symptoms with or without medications help.

The first step in getting treatment is to talk to your doctor or a qualified mental health professional so you can get diagnosed and referred for treatment. The main OCD-UK site has more information about treatment options as well as information on how to start getting treatment if you live in the UK. For other areas, such as the USA or Canada, the path for finding help may be somewhat different but the treatment approaches will be more or less the same.

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