Losing My Mind

[Purplepiper7]

I feel like I am slowly going insane. I am lost...tired...my thoughts are cloudy. This move isn't going very well... I feel selfish and bad in much of what I do. I often worry about morality and religion (in essence, I worry that I am an awful person who is hated by God and will go to hell). My pastor told me two things to love God and to love others, and it will be okay. It's the uncertainty of it all that's getting me (shocker). There's no guide to how well these things have to be done. Therefore, there is no way to know if I'm doing this "well enough," or if I've done so in the past. Because of this, my mind is taking me on a one way guilt-trip. Sometimes, I feel nothing, and other times, I can't stop crying. It's feels like the two halves of my brain are fighting, only the irrational side is winning...badly. My head hurts because I'm so frustrated. This is frustrating. If I love God, which I do, and if I love/respect others (which I do), then I am not a bad peron (which I am desperately unsure of). I am not okay.

[Running Lover]

I feel the same as you and I'm not by any means religious I feel like I'm going to hell because I'm a bad person. Terrible feeling. Glad you could talk to pastor

[Guest Anon]

I'm not too good myself right now but I can connect very strongly with this question - am I a bad person? It underpins a lot of stuff that goes on inside me.

Will get back to you later.

Anon

[PolarBear]

Maybe you aren't good enough. What matters is whether you choose to over think the situation or not. There's a lot of people out there who don't give this kind of question any attention whatsoever. That's where you need to get to. The question of whether you are good enough or not is an intrusive thought and the way to deal with those is to give them no attention. Resist and stop ruminating. Let it go.

[Guest nervous]

You are obsessing about it because you are afraid of falling out of favour and going to hell. Do you adhere to your own values? It is normal for people to stop and reflect on how they are doing through their life and if changes are necessary but it sounds like you are getting stuck on it and just ruminating which doesn't help you you in either way.

[Purplepiper7]

Thank you. I realize that I may have misspoken. The pastor was talking to a large group of people, not me specifically. Honestly, I would've been too nervous to ask him a question about this (maybe fear, maybe shame - I don't really know). Anyway... PolarBear and nervous, you are correct. I have to stop engaging with these thoughts. Slowly but surely, I suppose. Also, I seem to be having an issue with sleeping. At times, it doesn't feel okay okay sleep until I do something and/or feel a certain way. Some nights, like last night, I get lest than hour of sleep. This has been happening relatively often over the past month. This may explain why my head is "cloudy," and my sudden fear of insanity.

[PolarBear]

Sleep is important. Very important. The only way you need to feel before going to sleep is tired. That's it. Try to ignore the compulsion to stay awake and feel a certain way or do something just right before going to sleep. Lack of sleep is going to throw you off your game and make things much worse for you.

[Purplepiper7]

I usually go to bed at a reasonable hour, but many nights, I just lay awake (but with my eyes closed), thinking that it's not okay to sleep. Eventually I'll fall asleep, of course, but some nights are harder than others. Last night was okay because, despite trying to stay awake, I just couldn't. As a result, I awoke feeling anxious/guilty/frustrated, but I survived school today. Thank you, and I hope that you've had a good day.