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Struggling...


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Can't shake the feeling today that I have done something horrible in the past. I feel the need to go over my memories to check that I haven't done anything horrible to a woman or a child whilst away on business. Nothing springs to mind but I get horrible images in my mind. Feel like a scumbag.

Sorry for the negative post.

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I know Sophie. It's so hard. I'm convinced that I have done something, I just cant remember what. I managed to convince myself that I was involved in an attack 10 years ago because I saw it on the news. I just hope that I haven't ever hurt anyone. I hope this is OCD, but if it is OCD sucks.

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Binxy, I know how difficult this can be as I have gone through it. You are ruminating and compulsively checking. Those are OCD symptoms. If I were you I would do some David Burns approach. When the thought comes into your mind. Think of the distortions such as in your case they would be all or nothing thinking, magnification, personalization, and emotional reasoning. Then you come up with a rational response something like: I need to stop obsessing about the past. I didn't commit any crime or do anything wrong to hurt anyone. There is no evidence to support this irrational fear. I am a good, compassionate person, who doesn't hurt people. I will let my thoughts be thoughts and I will not judge them.

Something like that. Then you rewrite your rational response like 5 times a day for about a month or until the thought decreases. You have to rewire your brain and condition it differently. It doesn't just happen suddenly. It takes time to change. You can do it!

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Guest nervous

Binxy, 2 days ago you posted you felt like scumbag as well. It to was over a false memory. I think you need to look at the bigger picture, it is clear you don't think much of yourself and you are searching for proof. Googling things is a big no no and will only cause more grief. Each time you chase another thought down the rabbit hole you will just become more and more convinced, stop yourself before you get this far.

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You're making the situation worse by Googling and trying to figure out if you did something or not. Much worse. Performing compulsions reinforces the obsessions and makes them come on stronger in the future. You have to break the cycle and resist/stop those compulsions.

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Made a bit of progress by keeping myself distracted. It's kindz helped. I'm not googling anymore but I still have this compulsion to check my memory. Resisting so far. Thanks for the message, hope you're OK.

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That's great! You have made great progress in such a short time frame. Keep it up! You're motivating me :)

Checking memory is a tough one to overcome, but with a bit more practice and patience you will get there.

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