Need advice on instrusive thoughts!

[Guest LoveEeyore]

Hi, Everyone,

I am new here. I've been going through a very difficult time and really need some advice now.

I was diagnosed with GAD/OCD three years ago and I've been doing really well with the help of fluoxetine and CBT. But recent stressful events triggered my anxiety again. I tried desperately to get better. I am on fluoxetine again (I was only off it for a month or so due to my psychiatrist's recommendation) and had two sessions with my therapists so far.

I've been experiencing non-stop intrusive thoughts, just give you several examples:

What if I touch that person's (normally a coworker) butt, I will be arrested as a sexual offender and lose my job.

What if all the stuff that I am experiencing is not real?

What if all the stuff that my psychiatrist and therapist told me before were wrong? My therapist did remind me that it's a fact that I did get better after taking medication and therapy sessions. But I still have doubts.

What if I can't tell right from wrong?

Most of time I will try to do what my therapist told me: It's a just a thought and I don't like this thought. Normally the thought will lose power. But some of the thoughts are so bad that I really can't accept them. I can't seem to even accept I have OCD anymore, and to me it's more like an excuse now. I am so scared now. Like yesterday, I was relaxing on the beach and my hubby and my friend were talking. I was telling myself: you have your hubby's support and friends and families. You can beat this!" All of a sudden I had another thought: What if my hubby doesn't love me anymore? Then I had another thought: What if my hubby and my friend get together, I will be totally alone. I might just kill myself.

I know these thoughts are irrational. But when I try to tell myself there are irrational thoughts, I will get another thought: Do you really understand what's irrational? This just keep going on and on. I am not even sure whether I really want to get better or not. Because my mind is just so against me and no matter what I try there's always another negative thought waiting for me.

Before I posted here, I was talking to myself: I'll just post my experience and maybe I'll get some useful tips. But then my next thought is how to you know they're telling the truth? This vicious cycle is really killing me. I want to get better but it seems that I doubt everything.

Please give your advice anyway you can. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! :original:

[PolarBear]

Welcome to the forum.

You seem to have a fast switching type of OCD that's jumping all over the place and probably driving you nuts in the process.

While your therapist is correct about identifying these OCD thoughts, there is a big component of wellness that also must be attended to. After we have an intrusive thought we pretty much always engage in some form of compulsion. That needs to stop.

You can't directly stop the thoughts but you do have control over the compulsions. Performing a compulsion may bring temporary relief but all they really do is feed the intrusive thoughts and make them more powerful.

You have to identify your compulsions but it's a pretty safe bet that one of them is ruminating, which is thinking deeply about a subject. If you catch yourself debating with yourself over an intrusive thought, that's ruminating.

Edited July 27, 2014 by PolarBear

[Guest LoveEeyore]

Welcome to the forum.

You seem to have a fast switching type of OCD that's jumping all over the place and probably driving you nuts in the process.

While your therapist is correct about identifying these OCD thoughts, there is a big component of wellness that also must be attended to. After we have an intrusive thought we pretty much always engage in some form of compulsion. That needs to stop.

You can't directly stop the thoughts but you do have control over the compulsions. Performing a compulsion may bring temporary relief but all they really do is feed the intrusive thoughts and make them more powerful.

You have to identify your compulsions but it's a pretty safe bet that one of them is ruminating, which is thinking deeply about a subject. If you catch yourself debating with yourself over an intrusive thought, that's ruminating.

Hi, PolarBear,

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I think my compulsion is actually goolging related subjects and read until I am tired of it. My therapist did tell me that when I realized that I was dwelling on the subject, I should perform the thought stopping technique. But that was only a temperary relief for me. Do you have any other suggestion? Thanks!

LoveEeyore

[PolarBear]

Oh Google is bad for OCD sufferers.

The trick is to learn to let the intrusive thought in, let it float around, and do nothing about it. No compulsions. It takes practice and can feel uncomfortable, but you begin to see that your anxiety level comes down all by itself, without having to perform a compulsion. Because you don't give the intrusive thoughts any attention, they slowly die from apathy.