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Afraid of getting better


Guest jayjay89

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Guest jayjay89

Hi guys,

My brain is in a messed up place at the moment, I have spent the last few days thinking about how I don't want to get any better (with my ocd). This is obviously having a detrimental affect on my exposure stuff.

Does anyone have a similar feeling and/or how did they get through it?

I just feel completely ambivalent about getting better, but rationally I know it's probably just fear.

Thanks!

Jay

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Omg, you sound like me. I don't want to get better because I feel like I don't deserve to be better!

Based on the threads I've read, however, I see that this fear of treatment is kind of common.

Sorry, I can't offer any good advice; I am very busy and my head is all over the place. When I get back home during the night, I will see how you're feeling. :)

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Hi jayjay

I think we all have this fear. I sometimes feel like, what would be in place of the OCD if I didn't worry, and then that's lead to me thinking, don't I want to get better etc. You have to fight it just like you do OCD and carry on with those Exposure Therapy's! :) Hope this helps

x

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Guest jayjay89

I think it's that I've tackled the stuff that made me not want to be alive, but I'm not fussed on getting rid of the other stuff because I like that it keeps me busy. I guess I just don't really want to engage with life/people so I'm safer right now.

I'm not worried about what would happen in my head, but what I would do, without OCD I could just wind up bored and lonely, which isn't that appealing lol.

Ugh, don't really know how to explain it

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Guest heartplace

I know how that feels! In fact I've been having these thoughts just recently. I worry that if/when my OCD gets successfully treated, I'll just stop caring about my morals etc. and lose control and become my worst fear. I believe we (people in general) were meant to have an innate sense of right and wrong and have good values and morals, though, so I often remind myself of that.

I also know what you mean about boredom, lol. Fluoxetine had my obsessions controlled pretty well for a while, and it felt surreal almost. It felt good, but it felt weird at the same time. My obsessions and intrusive thoughts have come back as I've gotten used to taking it though.

Edited by heartplace
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Guest jayjay89

Thanks for the replies guys, I think part of it is that my ocd serves a really specific function, it keeps people away from me and me away from people, so if I keep trying to get better, il have to be around people again and that freaks the **** out of me :/

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Guest jayjay89

Hi polar bear, people are scary and I would prefer to live in a cave in the woods lol.

Or I would like to want to live in the woods.

I think it's my cptsd shining through at this point, just don't really know what to do about it

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Guest jayjay89

It's ptsd but a weird version, instead of having one or two traumatic events which screwed me up, I've got about 15 years worth, the symptoms are different to ptsd, more generalised, like I'm afraid of all people, have weird emotional flashbacks and am just generally cray cray. That was a terrible explanation, hopefully you got the gist

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Hi JayJay

I can understand people are scary and the need to seclude yourself.

However if you want your OCD gone you still don't have to interact with everyone.

Perhaps when you feel better and have your OCD more in control you can slowly start to be around people if that's what you want

xx

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OCD can easily become an excuse to not do things. We rationalize with ourselves that we can't do x y and z because we have OCD and it would easier to just hide away indoors.

Our brain likes to save energy, so if you present it with an entirely new mindset it's going to protest because it requires active effort and determination to change our thought processes. It would be easier to just stay as you are, which is why a lot of people don't make it that far in recovery.

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Guest jayjay89

Hi legend, yeah I know that is the best idea, but everytime I try and work on the ptsd I get suicidal so I don't know if I can do anything about it

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Guest legend

A good therapist would implement correct treatment

for PTSD which would then probably help with the reduction

of the OCD or vice versa

Either way I'd say that's the way it needs treating

Can't advise really on the PTSD side can only do so

Re OCD but like I said above needs good intervention

And yes you do want to get well and you can and will with

The right help

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Guest legend

Have you considered EMDR treatment?

Yes for PTSD as I mentioned :) then it's probable the OCD will

be easier to treat or may need a good therapist

to decide which approach is best

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