OCD, personality criticism

[Guest mariusdzd]

Hello everyone,

I'm 20 years old guy. And I think I have OCD based on my personality problems.

The problem is that almost all the time, especialy in social situations I cannot be my real self, becouse all the time I keeping my focus on like I act, what I say, I always feel anxious not to say or do something stupid in front of people. I put very hight standarts to my self. I cannot have deel connection with people even with my girlfriend and my best friends. I do or say something and most of the times I starting to questioning my self is it ok, is other people think I'm good. I often interpret some other people actions as silent criticism to me, what they mock me. It turns to anxiety, urge to act differently. And I end up empty headed out of social circle guy, who just suffering to party pass over faster, staying silent, observing others and obsesively thinking about my self.

Then Im alone, most of my thoughts goes around about ways to improve my self, how to be better, Im meditating, changing my believes and using other behaivior changing techniques, trying to see different person in my self, more classy, manly, with good social and 'woman' skills. Im obbsesed with changing my self and most of the day my mind stays on that. Its hell, I dont know anything only thing about cchanging my self, other wise my head is empty. all I want is to get out of the cirlce and be my self, no matter how I'm.
There are some momments when I feel relaxed, I act very talkative, I achieve good feetback from people, deeply interant with someone, generaly people like me, I have good personality data and skills, but Im always destroing my self with this worry. I think my try self is hiding beneath all that obsesion fog.
I think all this is becouse of my shame to my father, seeing my self never good enough to hang out with "those people" and my girlfriend criticism about me not being man enough. Also I've been adict to masturbation and porn for about 7 years, with efected my brain chemistry, libido, and self esteem much. I dont feel normal - asexual, I think its main reason of my problem. But Im not sure, maybe it ralated to my past traumas about my usseles, alcoholic father with ocd maybe (constant worrying, procastrination, "Im always falt"), I've been shameful of him. Deeply Im fraid to become like him, and from my early age I set my self to be opposite to him, Its ok, but Ive become idealist, with turned out to perfectionism I have now with unrealistic Idea about super perfect my self.

So I need help very much, Im worry about comming social encouters, Im fraid to be left outside again.
What people do with same personality problems?

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi Marius,

I wonder if some of the problems you mention are down to anxiety/OCD but some are just down to how crazy the world is.

Plus at your age I think it is normal to wonder about a lot of this stuff. It never really stops but hopefully it lessens as you get older.

I think it can be very tough for boys/men now the world has changed so much and male/female roles have been remoulded so drastically in a such a short time. I think it can leave some of us asking "what is a man supposed to be like in this world?". For starters, I wouldn't bother listening to what your girlfriend says about what a man is supposed to be like - most likely she's just saying that to hurt you or provoke some kind of response. I think we acan safely assume that women know less about how men are supposed to be than men do

Does your girlfriend give you a lot of negative criticism?

Have you done any martial arts? I believe these are great for improving your confidence and helping you discover your manhood. But I would also strongly suggest just getting out there and doing clubs or sports with other real people as opposed to internet-based activities.

If you're anxious all the time for no good reason, it could be you have GAD. Have you been diagnosed with OCD or are you at least confident you have it from the descriptions of it you've read?

I think it's good you are trying meditation and investigating other beliefs. Do you listen to any podcasts? I was going to suggest Joe Rogan, but I think that podcast is very hit and miss. He can be very funny and has some great guests, but it can be very poor too and he's a bit of a narcissist. There are so many podcasts out there though. I find these some of the only opportunities to hear a bunch of men talk honestly about male issues, that's the only reason I'm suggesting it.

And this thing about internet porn is a very common problem I think. I think it is damaging people's ability to seek and build real relationships.

All the best,

David.

Edited April 19, 2014 by Sisyphus