snowbear

Confusticating isn't it?

OCPD stands for obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and there is a lot of overlap with OCD although they are considered separate conditions.

You need to work on your self-confidence KC. And try to break free of the mindset that everybody is out to get you. A good place to start is to realise that most people are caught up in their own heads all the time, thinking only of their own lives and their own feelings. They aren't out to get you, they simply aren't thinking much beyond their own wants. So rather than interpret everything as people deliberately hurting you, think of it as them simply forgetting to include you or as busy with their own lives. Then get busy with your life. Have enough things on the go that you haven't time to think about whether others remembered you or not.

You have a choice, KC. You can stay dependant on others giving you a social life or go ahead and have a life of your own, happy to have them along for company when they come and happy to be without them when they don't come. Make it their loss if they cancel. Confidence is highly attractive. If you act like your own man people will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. If you act needy they'll run a mile. Try faking it til you make it - bluster your way through for now if you have to. Say 'no problem' with a smile even if you're dying inside. When they realise you aren't dependant on them, they'll stop messing you about.

You're overthinking it again, KC. So what if they just didn't want to go and made up an excuse rather than say so to your face? Don't let it become a big deal. People don't have to give you a reason for saying no or for changing their mind. Try to take it at face value. They said they overslept - accept that is what happened. If you're still bothered ask them again if they still want to go ahead with the plans you've made. Make it easy for them to be honest with you, tell them it's ok if they've changed their mind or something else has come up. And if you are left on your own, then make new plans for a day alone rather than getting all het up about them letting you down.

Hi S-g1, I'm sorry to hear your partner's NHS therapy wasn't a success. There's no financial support for private therapy that I'm aware of. I think the assumption is that if you can afford to go privately you can afford to pay in full (even though it's not always as simple as that.) Regarding therapy at home I know a few people have been lucky enough to have a therapist start treatment in their home.It's up to the individual therapist if they are willing to offer that service. In terms of success it's the same as for any therapy whether private, NHS, home or in a clinic - it comes down to whether the person is able to engage with and commit to the therapeutic advice or not. Getting into the right mindset - recognising things have to change and being willing to give it a go - is cruscial to success. When therapy fails it's often because the sufferer thinks things can sort of stay as they are while they get better! There's no magical intervention with OCD, it is as simple as being willing to change and then putting in the work. Resistance to change (struggling to engage with what you're being asked to do) always has its reasons and if your partner is struggling a good therapist should be willing to look at why and suggest solutions. Good luck!

You're overthinking it KC. You've been hurt by friends in the past and your default is to interpret everything in the present as if you expect the same thing to happen again, and I know it's hard but at some point we have to start trusting people again. Give people the benefit of the doubt and try to go with the flow without analysing their motives.

Hi Linil and to the forum. From what you are saying your boyfriend gave you plenty of chances to say no or stop, both before and during intercourse. He didn't force you at any point or force himself on you (the difficulty 'getting in' is normal if you are dry.) So it wasn't a sexual assault. That suggests your regret at not being more assertive and saying you weren't in the mood, combined with feeling 'assaulted' in the moment, has been playing on your mind and given your OCD something to work on. Your boyfriend sounds like a very caring and considerate person. It would be a shame to lose him because you listened to your OCD telling you he's a bad person. You have had lots of OCD themes in the past. Treat this the same way - don't engage with the thoughts and let it go.

Hi David, This must be very distressing for you. Sadly it's not uncommon for parents with OCD to be in denial that their children are being adversely affected. Happily, as the non-OCD parent there are things you can do to limit the damage. I'll warn you upfront that your partner won't like it - but for the children's wellbeing it's important to stand up to the OCD as earlier as possible and not to be dissuaded from that by pleas and threats from a distressed partner. You need to tell your wife what you are going to do first and ask if she wants to be there or not. Remember, it's not about whether she wants this to happen or not - just whether she wants to be there. Then you need to sit down with the children and explain that mum is not well. That she sometimes thinks things aren't safe to touch when they are, and that sometimes she behaves as she does because she's not well. Give examples of the trainers, ipad and post. You might like to have those items present at the talk and demonstrate that dad isn't concerned by touching them, even touching them to your face or touching your face and clothes all over after touching the post, trainers etc. Do it with a smile. Show them that there is nothing to be scared of. Tell them that mum may act scared of these things while she is ill, but that mum won't be scared of them either when she is well again. Tell them that if they aren't sure if something is safe to touch because mum avoids it, they can ask dad. And after the talk if you see any avoidance or OCD behaviours in the kids, tackle it head on there and then. Keep it simple and light. Are you scared to touch that? Shall we touch it now together, so you know it's ok to touch it? And then do so. If they get distressed then you'll have to accept they have started thinking in an OCD way themselves and are no longer just copying mum. Don't force them. It's about choosing the right way to behave because they understand for themselves there is no threat. Any OCD behaviours that persist in spite of your reassurance and demos will need to be sorted as a separate issue, same as you would if the child presented with OCD themselves. (There are books for parents and the charity runs support groups for families. We can put you in touch with them if needed.) Expect some kickback and resistance from your wife. Her denial that the kids are affected is how she squares it with herself to keep behaving as she does. At some level she'll be aware of how it affects them, and likely feeling a lot of guilt and shame which only adds to the burden OCD places on her. So you'll want to be honest with her and say the kids mental health has to come first, but that you know it's also not easy for her and you'll be there to support her too. But you can no longer stand by and allow OCD to destroy the family. Make it clear that the enemy here is the OCD, and you, your wife and the kids are fighting it together. This isn't family versus mum. Mum is not her OCD. What help has your wife had with her OCD? How much insight do you feel she has at present and would she be willing to engage with a therapist to get to a better place? Let us know how these initial steps go, and if you have any further questions just ask.

You're making a rookie error here - thinking it's either OCD or real. OCD is real. Trying to get around your anxiety just by labelling it as OCD is like saying, 'That's not a real fire' and then watching your house burn instead of calling the fire brigade. No wonder it's not working for you! You have a thinking disorder that is causing you great anxiety. The 'fault in the wiring' is the degree of anxiety is out of proportion to reality, and the interpretation of risk is unrealistic. I get it. But what you're actually saying here is,# 'I'm too scared to risk it being an over-reaction or faulty thinking on my part, so I'm going to respond with OCD rather than treat it normally like a real risk.' If you were treating it as a real risk, your response would be much less extreme. Can you see how that makes this 100% OCD, not OCD versus reality?

Hi Charlotte, Well done for getting her back under the CAMHS umbrella. I think they are so overwhlmed by numbers they say children 'aren't severe enough' just to push the workload further down the line. Aim for car/ school on Tuesday. Talk like it's happening, give her a chance to prepare for it mentally. It might be more than she can handle right now, but never assume something can't be achieved without trying it - that's when OCD wins. Going to school has huge advantages if she can manage it. Holidays leave too much unstructured time and that allows OCD to take over. If school really isn't possible for a bit, then home schooling / online learning is at least giving her something else to think about rather than allowing her to focus on the OCD 24/7. Let us know how things go next week, and good luck!

Hi Jayne and to the forum. We can certainly empathise. What help have you received for your OCD so far? How might we help?

That's a bit of a sweeping statement, Handy! It's an interesting idea, but doesn't apply to everybody who washes a lot.

Hi jo5, I've sent you a private message. Just posting here too to say you're not alone, there are people here who can and will support you, and to let other forum users know that the mod team are aware of your post. Hope to speak to you more soon.

I think anybody would! So reframe it - focus 'getting on with life' (even if I still feel anxious) In other words, don't make OCD the centre of your world. Put your energy into things that do motivate you, things you want to be doing. Then the fact it takes months rather than days to change your thinking, and countless repetitions of not engaging with your fears to get really good at ignoring the thoughts, won't faze you. Get so busy doing other stuff that OCD gets pushed out of the centre of things and back into some dusty corner you rarely visit.