does anyone confess to partners

[battlethrough]

My partner knows alot about my pocd,ive confessed to much about past fantasys as well

At the moment im feeling guilt about a fantasy I had ten years ago,

I wont confess this as my last confession nearly broke us

But I still feel the need to confess as if im keeping a dark secret

How much do people share with loved ones and how do you deal with not confessing

[Caramoole]

How much do people share with loved ones and how do you deal with not confessing

I don't share anything at all other than perhaps saying "My OCD's playing up today"

Dealing with not confessing is like any other compulsions used to try and bring anxiety down. Recognise what you're doing and why you want to confess and then resist, accept that it will cause anxiety at first but know that it is a normal response. Every time you resist the compulsion hopefully it will become easier.

[battlethrough]

Thanks caramool

I know last time I confessed it hurt her

The problem with this rememberd fantasy is that the girl was in her mid teens,its taboo and I have always gone for mature women

But it spiked as we were watching tv and an age gap couple was on tv,the guy met the girl when she wad 13 and he was old,theyve been married for 17 years but all the people who were at mine said what a dirty pedo he was,I agreed then rememberd ive had wrong fantasys years back

I now feel disgusted and it is wrong

[Guest PaulM]

I don't share anything at all other than perhaps saying "My OCD's playing up today"

That's good strategy. Recognize it for what it is and call it that.

The details aren't going to help you or your partner.

I remember having a thought in a meeting at work that I could punch my boss in the face. As much as that might be a dream come true in some cheesy comedy film or other, I'm not a violent person and yet this thought came in. Telling my boss this at the time would have been, at the very least, what we call a career limiting move (CLM) and possibly resulted in me being fired for being seen as a threat. But it was OCD. An intrusive thought. Nothing more.

I told the doctor, and now I've told you lot because you understand OCD. Telling my boss would not have been any good for either of us and not true in reality.

[Guest Olly]

I've referred to my OCD but not the nature of my thoughts.

[battlethrough]

Dont you honestly think that sort of fantasy is disgusting though,I wouldnt want to hurt my partner by telling her but I do feel vile for being so perverted

[Guest PaulM]

Dont you honestly think that sort of fantasy is disgusting though,I wouldnt want to hurt my partner by telling her but I do feel vile for being so perverted

I understand, but the content of the thought is not the issue.

[Guest nswitch]

Battlethrough,

You are not peverted. Remember, these thoughts are not you. They are not your hopes and desires-they are the exact opposite of that. You know that because they disgust you so much.

They are your OCD. Keep telling yourself that.

[PolarBear]

Dont you honestly think that sort of fantasy is disgusting though,I wouldnt want to hurt my partner by telling her but I do feel vile for being so perverted

You're asking for a form of reassurance. You've been doing it for a while. You change your questions around but ultimately you've been looking for someone to confirm that the way you feel is justified.

You're not going to find that kind of confirmation here. The fact you keep asking for it shows you are not resisting your compulsions. You're still going over this in your mind, again and again. Stop doing it.

[Caramoole]

You're asking for a form of reassurance. You've been doing it for a while. You change your questions around but ultimately you've been looking for someone to confirm that the way you feel is justified.

I agree with PB.....it's a back-door, subtle way of sneaking a bit of reassurance.......it won't work :lol:

[battlethrough]

Nswich

But the fantasys were me,im disgusted now but I did enjoy them

How can my moral cumpus have gone so wrong

If it was just intrusive id understand

[Caramoole]

You're still looking for reassurance and ruminating

You were going to try and work on not doing that.. It won't help for anyone else to assist you with answers on that basis either.

Back on track to resist the rumination

[PolarBear]

If it was just intrusive id understand

Oh but it is intrusive. That's something you haven't figured out yet. You're not convinced that you are even dealing with OCD.

You are concentrating on what happened 10 years ago -- a minor incident that has no bearing on life or living. You only look at the incident and you try and judge what you did/thought. That's not the problem, however. For 10 years that incident stayed in the background, was not a concern to you (which is the way it should be).

The problem is that this incident has suddenly reared its ugly head now. The fact that the memory of this past incident has popped up and keeps popping up makes it an intrusive thought. It doesn't matter whether you were really fantasizing or not. That is irrelevant. What matters is that you are being hounded by these thoughts now, today. Those are intrusive thoughts and, in combination with your compulsions, makes this current problem OCD.